Institutional Abusive Relationships

Written by a human, for humans, always.

I used to wonder how someone could allow themselves to become trapped in an abusive relationship…

And then I realized the person who I thought was my best friend was an emotionally abusive person.

That friendship almost cost me my life.

Having been through that…

I see the warning signs…

I see how I became trapped in the loops of abuse without realizing it…

I see how my own hopes and desires were used against me…

And I see these same patterns played out in the institutions around me.

It is so easy to believe that “you” would never get trapped in an abusive relationship…

But I watch as millions of people fall victim to the exact same kinds of abusive patterns…

Every single day…

Yet they are completely oblivious to the patterns.

The question becomes…

How is it that we become victims without even realizing it?

What makes us so vulnerable?

What then makes us blind to the reality?

It starts with who we are that makes us the targets of abuse.

What are some of the traits that make us vulnerable?

Optimism.

Hopeful.

Having the belief that others want what we want.

The belief in the potential for a perfectly unified world.

Thinking that everyone will act in the best interest of others…

Or will at least seek the betterment of others.

Expecting that others seek redemption in their character…

And want to change and improve themselves.

I am “not” saying that these things are bad traits to have…

Being a pessimistic, despairing, untrusting person who believes everyone is against them and only sees the worst in people, expecting them all to burn in hellfire…

Is not beneficial…

Nor are those individuals immune to being abused.

What I am saying…

Is that these traits, when unchecked, look like ripe fruit to the abuser.

It becomes a target for them…

Because they are more than happy to exploit all of these to their advantage.

They know that you are an optimist…

So you will look for the good instead of paying attention to what is wrong.

They know you are hopeful…

So they will give you all the reasons you want to hope.

They look for what you are looking for…

So they can adopt that position to gain your trust.

They know you want a unified world…

So they will claim to be united with you.

They know you believe others work for the interests of others…

So they will virtue signal to make you believe that is what they seek as well.

They know you believe in redemption and that people inherently want to improve themselves…

So they will mask their bad deeds as “mistakes” that will “never happen again” or claim that there were reasonable reasons why they “had” to make those decisions…

But only if they get caught.

They will show you just enough of what you want to see…

So that you have hope that things have changed…

Only to work in secret toward their own ends, that often come at your expense.

But this is exactly how people get lulled into abusive relationships.

The abuser knows “exactly” what you want to hear…

Knows how to play your emotions perfectly…

Turning you into a violin in the horrifying and sickening song they seek to create.

And…

You end up believing them…

Not because of who they actually are…

But because of who you hope they will become.

But the sad truth…

Is that there are many people who have no interest in the ideals you hold.

They have a different set of ideals…

Which not only allows them…

But in some cases even expects them…

To use and abuse others for their own gain.

Worse than this, though…

Is that they will often convince you that you have enemies…

People who seek the opposite of you…

In places where those individuals do not actually exist.

They create a bogeyman of your own nightmares…

Turning you into a weapon against others without realizing it.

I see this so often within different types of institutions today.

I see it in politics…

I see it in religions…

I see it in business…

I see it in every type of relationship that exists.

What makes it drastically more difficult…

Is that when it starts to occur at institutional levels…

There are two compounding factors.

One is that institutions are often led by multiple abusers who act in this way…

Willing to utilize these tactics to create a larger illusion of unity…

While also dispersing the abuse so any individual person is harder to detect…

While also giving the institution the ability to dismiss any individual who gets caught as an “outlier” that does not actually represent the institution…

Another ploy against your traits they are targeting.

The second is that institutions are inherently more relationally distant.

It is easier to pick up the patterns of abuse when you have a closer relationship with someone whom you see frequently and know more about their lives…

But when your abuser is not someone that you see on a regular basis…

Who can craft the stories that you hear about them…

And the stories of the bogeymen that you “should” be afraid of…

Heightened by echo chambers built and sustained by individuals who have good intentions…

But are being equally abused without realizing it…

Means that the abusers have more opportunity to abuse you…

And it is less likely that you will pick up on it…

Especially when your ideals, morals, and emotions compel you to believe in what they are saying with their honeyed words…

While secretly feeding you poison purposefully designed in such a way as to make you more easily abused.

There is an old legend that exists…

Which may or may not have happened historically…

But which is true in the sense that it is “exactly” how abusers work in the world.

The story goes that there was a very famous political leader…

Who wanted to show their military personnel how a leader has the ability to abuse and mistreat their population…

Yet still retain loyalty.

The political leader grabbed a living chicken by the neck…

And began to tear out each and every single feather that was attached to the chicken…

Leaving the bird bare, bleeding, and shivering in pain.

Then…

The leader put the bird down…

And in its trauma and in its freezing body without its feathers…

It did not move.

Then, the leader pulled feed out of his pocket and began to feed the chicken tiny crumbs…

Directing its behavior to get the chicken to go where they wanted it to go…

And the chicken followed.

The political leader then said…

“This is how you govern the people. You strip them bare, cause them immense pain, and then throw them a tiny scrap of food. They will follow you forever.”

This may sound like a horrifying picture that no real human would ever actually do…

But I see this happen all over the world…

Every single day…

To millions of people.

I see attacks on people’s groceries…

Their homes…

Their income…

Even their spiritual hopes…

All while people become lulled into blind obedience to the demands of their abusers.

This is not a hypothetical occurrence…

This is a daily problem that so many people are facing…

Created by the abusers they trust.

And…

If you believe that there is no way that this could happen to you…

Remember that I didn’t realize it…

And neither do most people who are being abused.

These abuses are far more common than people realize…

Especially at institutional levels…

And, in all likelihood, your best qualities…

Are the exact reason that you are being targeted…

And how you are being abused without realizing it.

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