Her collection was vast, almost unmanageable, but it brought her the peace of mind she wasn’t able to find otherwise. There was the piece from the night her mom had passed, the pieces she had collected every time her special someone had ignored her feelings, and even one from a wonderful day in the mountains. It seemed silly to think of, at times, but nevertheless the collecting continued.
Mental Illness is no joke. Over 1 million people in the world have mental illness. I can count the many ways that mental illness has affected my quality of life in general. Mental illness is a daily battle for me. Medication or not, it will never truly subside, nor go away. I have this for life.
Struggling with depression and anxiety all my life isn't an easy thing to do. Growing up since early childhood with no therapy and no social support and nobody to talk to about the issues and drama I've been dealing with on my own. It's even harder to do so when I have verbal speech disorder. So, I became a social introvert, just keep to myself and stay away from people who mean spirited, tyrannically, manipulative and critical, even if with some family members, friends, neighbors, teachers and students I grew up with.
When we were young, we always have this dream of what we want to become and what we want to have when we get to a certain age.
Since I was very young, I was diagnosed with pretty bad agoraphobia. It led to a number of things: dermatillomania, hypochondria and various social anxiety problems and panic disorders. During university, I collapsed a number of times in various locations including the library and the lunchroom because of my panic attacks. My agoraphobia no doubt has caused my life to be completely isolated from most every other meaningful human connection. Am I worried about that? No. What am I worried about? I am worried that I one day, it will become impossible for me to shut myself away and so, I require a coping mechanism. Even though it is difficult, I am pretty sure it is not impossible.
I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to start this story, because I don't truly know when it started. I just remember when I became aware.
Some things aren't for everyone, and I've never been the type of personal that finds solace in meditating. I feel worse after a moment of silence than the rare occasion of feeling better. Although, all those things are true, I do meditate and ground myself, but I don't set aside time for it, I take whatever silent moment I have on the train, or in my car, at work to just recognize everything within me, and surrounding me. My mind is a beautiful thing but it has a hard time being quiet, which is why I don't meditate for too long, and I refuse to sit down crossing my legs and open up doors i will be forced to shut back again. Then again, maybe that's my problem, maybe that's why this meditation thing only works for me while i'm busy because i am capable of escaping and finding a busy activity to do moments after, versus having to sit an entire car ride reflecting, or walking into a place in silence, just reflecting, maybe I like walking meditation, because by the time i get back to it, it doesn't hurt anymore, but in a way time, all that busy time, healed those wounds. How do you meditate though, when you feel like this:
So the meaning behind this ‘simple’ tattoo is for my late boyfriend.
This new way of life, even if it’s already been almost six months, is madness. So many people are worried for the moment things will really fall apart when I think to myself, we’re already there. We’re already in the heart of madness. How are people doing it? Going with the motions, lashing out, or lashing inward by drinking or destroying themselves? What’s the new methods to this new madness?
No matter who you are or what you do, no one is immune to bouts of stress or anxiety. With the daily stressors of our day-to-day life and busy schedules, it's natural to occasionally feel overwhelmed and anxious. However, it's important to learn the right ways to cope with anxiety or it could cause lasting damage to your mental and even physical health. While all coping skills won't work for everyone, there are some generally accepted ways to manage anxiety.