Most recently published stories in Psyche.
People used to ask me “What changed you? What happened in your life that made you realize you only have yourself?” When I was thirteen years old someone in my family sexually assaulted me. When I was that age I had no clue what sexual assault was. I just knew afterwards I was never the same. A few days after the situation happened I was starting to crave the feeling again. I was so confused as to why I was fiending for it. I knew it hurt the first time, but it was something about it that made it so thrilling. It was something about sex that had me addicted to it. When I turned 14 I started to have sex again, but this time it was with people from my school. Yes, I said people, as in more than one. At that age I really wasn’t aware of the dangers of sexual transmitted diseases or sexually transmitted infections. I had no clue it was serious enough that it could kill me, so at that age I was having sex with anyone I wanted to have sex with. I didn’t have my first real relationship until I turned 16, so I was just going around giving up something that was so sacred and precious. I had to find out on my own about the dangers of sex. I never took it seriously until I caught a STI. At the age of 15 I realized I was a sex addict. It was like that was the only thing I wanted to do. For a long time I hated myself. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I didn’t know how to heal from getting raped, I didn’t know who to talk to because my mom used to tell my business to her friends, so I never wanted to tell her anything. When I got raped the first person I told was my sister. My sister told my mom and that’s how she found out, but then she went and told a whole bunch of people. At the time I didn’t know how wrong my mom was, but something in me didn’t trust her for a reason. When I really needed my mom she wasn’t there, but she was there when she wanted to be. She was always caught up in her relationships. She was always caught up with her other family members. It felt like she only cared about me when she felt like it. Growing up I really had to learn how to communicate my feelings on my own, I had to learn how to say no to sexual activities, and I had to learn who I was on my own. My whole life I was alone. This is not a bad thing and it’s certainly not the worst thing in the world because I got through it. I’ve learned from it and I apply a lot of what I learned to my daily life. I realize self love comes before anything and anyone else. I now know I shouldn’t allow anyone to touch me in that way if they don’t genuinely care about me.
The first night and the last night I was admitted to a mental institution were 8 years apart. The first night was a crumbled piece of lined paper, streaked with pencil smudges and the edges still ripped from the notebook. I still see my sister sitting in the waiting room for me, as she always did, attached to my side and my partner in crime. The last night was an officer dragging me from my front door, without a bra and waving with a kitchen knife swollen wrist.
Sober living in Temple, TX
Many people who have become addicted to drugs or alcohol sometimes need help to get into a drug rehab program so they can get clean. Unfortunately, finding the right home for someone who needs help to get clean isn't always easy since there aren't very many homes like this in Temple. The best way to get clean living in Temple TX is to contact a community worker at your local church. This person will usually be able to tell you how to get into drug rehab in Temple and where to look for one.
You just got out of work, it's late. You have to walk a mile and a half back home because the last bus left 10 minutes earlier, and you got of work 10 minutes too late. You dread the thought of having to trek it over a mile home, especially having been on your feet all day. But, tired or not, you begin the journey. Your mind is ruminating on other things: did I finish the load of wash? Did I remember to grab a gallon of milk? What time is my doctor's appointment next week? As your mind is wandering to numb the fatigue of having to expend even more energy after a long day, a man suddenly grabs your throat from behind, making sure to cover your mouth as to not let out a shriek. You're dragged behind a commercial dumpster in a pass-through alley, thrown to the ground, being threatened to keep your eyes shut, as your pants are taken off. And when it's all over, you're left in a state of confusion, dismay, DISGUST, and fear. You were just raped. Why me? How? Is this real? Did this just happen?
Why I'm Starting this Blog
Principles are how we know that we have not been made by circumstance; that we are who we are by choice. After writing and deleting too many introductions for this article, I’m simply going to be straightforward. I am finally recovering from years of depression. Since depression almost killed me (or rather made me want to kill myself), I decided blog about it; in fact, starting this blog was one of the things I decided, during my depression, to do if I managed to survive it. This article will briefly cover my depression and how my purpose for this blog has evolved over time. So, how did I become depressed?
Inpatient drug rehab in Richland, WA
If you or someone you care about is suffering from a substance abuse problem then the most effective way of treating it is through Inpatient drug rehab in Richland WA. Richland is one of the premier treatment centers for those suffering from addictions. Inpatient drug rehab treatment in Richland is suitable for both long and short term treatments. It makes perfect sense to stay away from the symptoms rather than trying to cure the problems.
Shedding Light on the Fear of Success
Understanding the fear of success The fear of success, also referred to as success phobia, success anxiety, and achievemephobia, is having a constant fear of succeeding.
Self-love in and After an Emotionally Abusive Relationship
Well Hello! Welcome to the metaphorical psychological frogging (unraveling a project in fiber art lingo) of my long term relationship that, turns out, was emotionally abusive.
Escape to Outer Space, Best Option Every Day Now
International Day of Peace is an UN-sanctioned holiday observed annually on 21 September. Dedicated to our world peace and an ideal state of happiness and freedom. 2021's theme is "Recovering better for an equitable and sustainable world." Healing from the COVID-19 pandemic, we can create a more equal, just, equitable, inclusive, sustainable, and healthier world. The mission statement they are hoping to address.
My Emotions are Pulverized by the Blender of Life
We just got a phone call that another longtime friend has passed away from COVID. Damn! At first sadness filled my heart for loved ones. Then I became angry because I know he chose not to be vaccinated saying he didn’t need it. Next, my nerves began to sizzle thinking about the danger surrounding us. This shit is real!
The Year 2017
It was a calm winter’s night, not a single misfortune in sight. My dad and I were sitting in the living room together, watching TV when suddenly I felt shortness of breath. “Dad, I can’t breathe,” I said. I thought in my head that it may be an asthma attack I was having. My dad knew it could be the same because I grew up with asthma, so he immediately called 911. The room felt smaller all of a sudden, and the darkness took over presence, making light absent. I could hear the wailing as the ambulance arrived and all I remember was sitting in the back of the cold ambulance panicking, hearing the paramedics telling me that this was no asthma attack, but an anxiety attack.
What Is C-PTSD?
I'm sure most of you have heard of PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Often described as something veterans develop from the war. You've likely never heard of what's known as C-PTSD or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. That's because C-PTSD wasn't acknowledged as a legitimate disorder until recently. Despite being documented in the late 1980s. Even though C-PTSD hasn't been around the length of time, PTSD has. It's crucial to understand the cause and effect of both disorders. Below I've put together detailed descriptions of both mental illnesses.