Carol Townend

I spent all my life from an early age enduring trauma after trauma, from rape, violence, break-ins, life on the streets to losing everything. After going through this for many long years, I am now changing it. I feel safe where I live and secure in my home, however I have a tough time adjusting, and I constantly have to reassure myself that I won't go through all that trauma again.

When my husband contracted Coronavirus, I was scared not only for him, but also for myself. In my house at the moment, self-isolating can be tricky as we share the same bed. Coronavirus started right after we started sorting the house out, and there wasn't a room free where we could sleep separately. I can not guarantee you won't catch the virus, but these tips kept me safe and helped me to protect myself. Here is what I did.

My husband works as a nurse, and because of that I always worried about his risk of getting Coronavirus. It was heart-breaking enough to hear about his recovery from cancer of when he was just three years old, after undergoing a serious operation, and them seeing him suffer from chronic pain issues after his car crash a few years back. However, as he is usually healthy and very protective with his health, even he thought he'd never get the virus. The hospital where he works has good measures in place, and he is strict on hygiene and social guidance so we thought it would be enough.

"I can't sleep!" It's the story of my life. I always complained about this when I saw a therapist to talk about my mental health, and sleep medication doesn't help me either. My sleep pattern lands me in a bad mood, not great when you have to study, write and clean the house the next day. Many of you will understand when I say this problem can make you feel agitated when you are a parent having to do the school run the next day. Luckily I don't have that issue at the moment, but when the clock is ticking, come morning you lay there, confused because its daylight before you know it! I have another problem with lack of sleep and going to sleep, it causes issues with restless legs. You know the one! The one where your legs want to move all night for no reason, and whether your tired or not, you just can't control it.

I went through many different cycles of abuse, during my childhood, at school and in adulthood. Up to the age of 22 I was physically and emotionally abused. I am a friendly person, and very sensitive. It seems my sensitivity was seen as a vulnerability for others to use against me. I went through many different cycles including physical violence, rape , break ins and people took advantage of me left, right and center. Some of it I spoke out about and reached out for help, but that fell on deaf ears, landing me in a very vulnerable position where I almost died, and I have spoken about that in my article 'I found love on a Psychiatric Ward.' This is a follow up from that article, and talks about how these issues affected me in more detail.

It is very quite on my street at the moment, and it has been like that for a while now. Normally I am at the beach, out in town or meeting people and helping them with mental health problems. However, like many in this Covid-19 pandemic, I am staying at home, helping to save lives. My world is upside down and my mind is pretty chaotic. Going to the supermarket is stressful because there are markers and social distancing rules. Going outside is suddenly scary again.