I'm a wife, carer, student, reader, and writer. I write on many serious topics, but I also write raunchy stories and other things too!
Who Am I?
I am the thunder that crashes through the clouds I am the lightning that hits the ground I am the wind, silent, roaring, and wild
That Damn Smoke Detector!
Before I start to write, let me make it clear that it is ALWAYS a good idea to have a smoke detector in your house. In fact, I wouldn't be alive if my smoke detector hadn't been fitted, because it saved my life.
Being me and Being a Writer
I am a student, writer, carer, and wife. Before this, I was also a parent, student, and person with disabilities (some of which I still have). I was unconfident, always thinking I couldn't do anything, even though I was always told I was good at many forms of writing at school. It was only after my children grew up that I realized I had a need to be able to do something with my life. I was unable to find work because of disruptions to my education, mental health, and because many employers were discriminatory due to my learning disabilities and my mental health problems, leaving me feeling useless and incapable. It has taken me from my teens up to now (44) to decide where I as a person wanted to be in life, and what I wanted to achieve. I chose writing, and my passion for that has developed in more ways than I could have ever wished for.
Learning How to Enjoy Sex again
I had dealt with being a victim of rape so many times, that after a while I put walls up, refusing to let anybody get near me, even females. Sex was bad, dirty, always violent and whether that person loved me or not, I started to perceive all sex as assault. I couldn't bring myself to see any sexual relationship as loving or fun anymore, because every time I did, I got hurt, and here I want to reinforce that I was raped by both men and women which caused my fear to double, and for many years, I cut both out of my life, wanting to be alone for the rest of my life so that I didn't end up used as some female adult dirt-bag.
We all have color in our Personalities
I'm walking down the street, and there is a person walking down the same street. That person is dressed in gothic clothing and has many tattoos. People are horrified, calling him names such as 'druggie, Psycho, crazy' and more. They are bullying him for simply dressing in his own style. I have come across this on a severe level in my young past when I started listening to different types of music such as rock, metal, reggae, dance, and rave. I was used to wearing t-shirts that represented all of my most favourite bands, and I was deemed to be an outcast for it and treated like I wasn't human. Of course, we all have our own likes and dislikes, and we all have our own tastes, but does this mean that we as humans have to treat another human in degrading ways just because we 'don't fit their groups?' Shouldn't people be allowed to just be themselves? It makes one wonder what it really means to be human. In the gothic world, people are labelled, all kinds of different things, and most assume they are violent horrible people, but I have many friends who enjoy the gothic scene, many who have children and have very caring natures, who wouldn't dream of hurting other people or doing drugs. Of course, there does seem to be some significance in certain groups where behaviours like this seem to be prominent, however, is this truly attached to those people, or is it attached to other problems in their personal lives?
Reading For Mental Health
I read alot, both online and offline. I read many different types, and I read a good amount of stories on Vocal. One of the good things about reading is that you can read with or without purpose, and I find a balance of both is really healthy for me. My days can vary from busy to boring, especially on those days when I am stuck at home with not much to do. I decided to get around this by including reading with my job as a writer. Obviously like many of you, I do have chores and I go out because I like to try and keep myself active too, but there are those in-between days when the weather is horrible or everything I need to do has been finished, and then I go out of my mind with boredom and I hate that! I also have some major issues with insomnia, and if I am suddenly wide awake with nothing to do for hours, that can be more frustrating than insomnia itself, so I like to pull out my kindle or laptop, and set it to dim light and read until I am tired. If you do this, it is important to dim the light as a brightly lit screen will make you feel more awake, rather than sleep.
We saw a Real Ghost and we are not joking.
It was back in 2012, and I was staying in a flat temporarily while I finished some work I was doing for myself. I had never come face to face with a ghost up to that point, and like many, I didn't believe they existed. I had been working all morning, and I was tired, so I took myself off to bed around ten p.m. which was unusual for me, as I usually stay up pretty late. I had a bath, watched television and went to bed. I would have slept well, except there was a very faint blue shimmer in my room by my dressing table, and I couldn't work out what it was. There was a high attic window in my room, so I assumed it was just light shining through that as I didn't have curtains. That night I went to sleep, but I was woken around 11.3o p.m. by a bright light around my bed. I froze startled! I could just make out the silhouette of a young woman wearing black, who appeared to hold a white scroll or notebook in her hand. She came right to the side of my bed and leaned over me holding the scroll or notebook in front of me. I put it down to a bad dream, but I was unable to move or speak for ten minutes. In a cold sweat and shaking, I waited for it to pass, then I turned the light on and made a drink before going back to bed. This time, I didn't sleep for a while, and the same thing happened again! the same silhouette with the scroll or notebook was right by my bed!
I'm still learning about my Sexuality
I knew I liked boys and girls at school, though I hid it and covered it up for all my school life, afraid of what the others would think. During the time when I went to school, being part of the LBTQ communities was pretty much dismissed, ridiculed, and outcasted by those around me. I was also sexually abused at school, and severely bullied, so for myself, it was easier to keep my 'other side' trapped in a cage instead of showing people who I truly was and facing more bullying for being bi-sexual. Of course, as I got to those later years of puberty, the attraction grew stronger, but I stayed under the umbrella of 'heterosexual' instead, because that felt safer for me than coming out. I did find myself extremely attracted to both boys and girls at school, and that became more obvious once I reached around aged 14. I also found it difficult coming out and telling family, because my family life was quite difficult and I was worried about what they would think.