I used to be a people pleaser, and that means that I used to say yes to everything, including to things I really didn't want to do. I would put everyone else before myself, neglecting my own wants and needs along the way. If someone told me not to talk to someone, then I'd do it. If they asked me to behave in a certain way, I'd do it. If they asked me to do something or go somewhere where I was uncomfortable, I'd do it. No matter what the consequences, as long as I could make people happy, it didn't matter, until I got older and realized that people, including loved ones, were using me and depending on me far too much. I realized something had to change. However, I was uncomfortable with this change because I felt that changing my attitude would mean losing people. I had no self esteem and no confidence in myself, and I saw losing people, even those who were unhealthy for me, as a bad thing. Saying no was impossible, because I felt that everybody would hate me for it.
"Nobody ever falls in love with me!" I told my friend Joanne who looked at me comically. I had never been in a relationship, and I was now 22 years old.
I had my first child at just 18 years old, and I had no idea what parenting would be like! People told me many things, however nothing could prepare me for the unexpected. Here is a list of things I wish I had been told about parenting:
Depression, it's a swear word in my life. It can hit at any point, and for no real reason. I can have days when I want to just sit in a corner with my head in my hands and cry all day long, and days when I really do not want to go anywhere or do anything. It can make a person feel low, worthless, alone, and feel really sad. However, as I found, all is not lost. You can help yourself by doing things in your daily life that can lift your spirits and make your day better, no matter how hard it is. Below is a list of my therapy favourites for days when I feel really low. These are for self-help purposes only, if you are suffering depression, you should still see a doctor and get help from a professional. However, there are supplementary holistic therapies you can do that can be really helpful.
I was looking forward to going out. I remember getting stomach cramps which I put down to period pain, because I always got them really painful and I usually bleed heavy. I stopped to go to the toilet, and I discovered a stain the color of a "show" that a woman normally gets before going into labour, and I thought nothing of it at all, as I had given birth to a baby not long before hand, so I ignored it, thinking it might just be a light period.
I started writing at a young age. I spent hours creating plays, stories, poems, writing lyrics and even essays. I was and am still an avid reader, and that seemed to jumpstart me into writing. I took a break for many years, after several blocks including low confidence and self esteem, got in the way, then I found https://vocal.media/ and I kick started myself back into action.