Let me start by saying that life hasn't dealt me the kindest hand. Hasn't dealt me the worst, but not the best or the kindest either. My current situation right now though, in every aspect is equally the best and the worst time of my life. I work two jobs and live in an expensive town. So, yeah, I'm struggling in a lot of ways. With COVID-19 out there now, everything is harder than it normally would have been. I fight depression, insomnia, struggle with anxiety and lately, severe panic attacks. A very bright light in that particular dark cloud is that I am no longer suicidal. I'm struggling to find myself, find who I am and to not be ashamed of whoever that person is and not worry what others think about me. Two jobs every day. I'm a workaholic who doesn't know what to do when she isn't working and being like that isn't the.....healthiest way to be. Aside from my books, I am having to re-discover what hobbies I like, as well as finding new ones. As far as having friends goes, I don't have very many and while I am trying to make new ones, it's hard. Starting about seven years ago, I became really good at shutting people out and never letting them in. Add that to being an awkard introvert who is really bad at starting conversations, it's hard for me to make friends. However, I do like puzzles and challenges, so while stumbling around in the dark trying to discover who I am is terrifying, it's also intriguing and challenging. Some mornings, that's probably the only thing that gets me out of bed. Wondering what new thing I'll discover about myself. So all of that is what makes this particular time of my life hard.
Why shows should have a trigger warning when it comes to mental health
Shows have a warning for a lot of things, sex, drugs, language, but not for mental health issues. I recently started watching “spinning out” and honestly had to stop watching it because the main character and her mom are both bipolar and it was really triggering. It's a great show and really interesting but I just couldn't force myself to keep watching it because I was being so emotionally triggered. It wasn't a comfortable feeling and brought up a lot of emotions of what I am like when I'm having an episode.
If you have a strong sense of spirituality, I have no doubt you already know what the 'Law of Attraction' is, but if you do not...
I run my hands through unwashed hair and try to press down the anxiety eating away at my heart. Tears well in the crook of my eyelids. At any moment, they will fall over the brim and into existence.
Megan Devine writes in her book, “It’s OK That You’re Not OK”, that there is a freedom in letting all of your words out.
My body weak and my mind reeling, I fell to the ground. It was cold and damp, almost instantly seeping into my bones. The air smelled sweet. I gulped and swallowed and took as many deep breaths as I could. Fresh air flooding my senses, I closed my eyes and reveled in it for a moment.
Hey, it 's me again!
How are you? How was your day? Well, mine was... well... I don't know.
Today has been one of those days, when you don't want to do anything and everything at the same time. A day where you feel guilty whether you do everything or do nothing.
Hi, I’m Viktoria and I’m a recovering binge eater.
This sentence alone represents my life’s biggest struggle, biggest achievement, and biggest bane. I’m a recovering binge eater who found her light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel of self-hate, dreadful relationship with food, and mental self-abuse. The tunnel that I carefully built for over 20 years.
As the warm days move towards the darker season ahead, I find myself becoming sad. Sad that the days will no longer be beaconing me to go outside, shoes off, sitting next to a tree, barefoot and enjoying the sun's warmth on my body. This past year has been very challenging for many, however, it has been a blessing in disguise for me.
As I listen to a song by Skylar Grey, everything I need from the Aquaman soundtrack I realize so many things.... like a revelation that was always there waiting for me... for the right time to be seen.
Hey all, and welcome to the first session of this "revamped" Blog.
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Almost 2 years ago, she yearned for love . Coming out of something more than toxic . Abuse , pain , confusion, it was all a wreck. You ever wish you could get a slight preview of what you’re getting yourself into before actually getting into it ? Yeah .. that was her. In fact she’d scroll her page , Oh ! And yes I mean her , she loved women , just as much as women claimed they love her. Continuing on , she’d scroll her page and view her past , past as in others before her , what she likes , what she’s into just everything anyone would want to know about someone they had their interest in . She was pretty cool . Her name was Alice . See Alice loves social media , she love making people laugh and just notice her , and what she could do. She as in Porcha realized Alice pain , no attention, past trauma and so on but there wasn’t anything Porcha could not fix .