I’m 35, and I have no fucking idea what I am doing. Up until now I’ve failed miserably at being an adult, and as such I’ve ended up doing a 360 degree turn only to land right where I began. Don’t be like me.
„Our unconsciuos mind tends to repeat situations in which trauma appeared in the past, in order to give us continuous opportunities to resolve it. Stirring up pain leads to healing.
Problems and solutions, two seperate islands that seem to be out of touch and opposites from eachother. We all want to be able to embark on our journey of finding that island of solutions to many aspects in life. That utopia where the poeple we care about thrive and the dreams we have are finally accomplished. A place where we can feel joy and freedom with ourselves, not having to worry or carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. An answer to what to do next, and to ultimatley be okay with the result as Florence + The Machine puts it in her song, "The Dog Days are Over." Celebrating a release of what used to keep us confined and trapped to truly embrace happiness.
Everyone in their life feels lonely at least once. When you start getting this feeling called loneliness, then no matter how many people surround you, it is still felt. It seems like you have lost interest in life, and you are aimless. You feel like there is no reason for being alive and such things. So the important thing is to know the reasons why you are feeling lonely and how you can overcome it.
You may be dealing with an embarrassing situation and are not sure how to go about seeking help. It may have started with you twirling your hair between your fingers as a nervous habit, or when you are in deep thought. Perhaps the situation progressed and you unwittingly began tugging at your tresses in the same spot on a more regular basis. Before you knew it, you were pulling your hair with such frequency, until it came out and you had a bald spot. Try as you might, you have been unable to discontinue this unwelcome behavior, because you feel a sense of peace and relaxation when you do it. This condition is referred to as Trichotillomania, which is a nervous disorder and not considered as a mental illness.
Committing myself to a lover with Bipolar disorder, CPTSD, and a crippling, low self esteem was not an overnight decision. I took an extensive amount of time researching and plodding over the data, the case studies, the sheer amount of information. I knew in my heart, in the deepest wells of my capacity, that these were merely hurdles. The love I had and still have for this person, my person, would overcome any disease, or illness, or disorder, and, in that aspect I am right. Still, the evening of his attempted suicide has not disappeared from my recollection. We do not speak of that night. He has not read my disparaging journal entries, he has never been able to account for my despair, and understandably so. It must be incredibly hard to accept that your pain has bled into your lover, staining her. Writing this, I am in no way placing responsibility on him to acknowledge my grief. This grief is my own, and it has been wiped away without malice, but wiped away it has been. Maybe you are in a similar situation. Perhaps you are reading this, because you too, have trauma that is unfortunately an afterthought in the healing process. How do we navigate this? How do we hold such tragedy in our hearts without the support of our first line of defenses, our lover? I am taking your hand here. I want to write, no, I am called to write this, so you know this is not a confined trauma within you. I know your pain. I live with a pain similar to yours. While I am no expert, I would like to shed light on some of my struggles, and some of the beautifully sad advice I have learned and discovered along my way towards my personal recovery.
ADHD, Major Depression, Major Anxiety and Social Anxiety. Those are my medical diagnoses.
For many, the holidays are a time of love, joy and celebration. Filled with smiles, family, and good food. For me and many people with mental illness, it can be the worst time of year. Full of expectations, reflecting on the past year and having therapists on vacation.
The next decade of humanity will be defined by three mental conditions: Stress, anxiety and depression. This triad will take more lives in the next ten years than the first and second World Wars together and I was very close to be part of that statistic.
Collectively humanity is finally moving forth from an era in which mental illnesses were regarded as imaginary ailments, into an era where we are being forced to recognize that mental health is no less important than physical health. According to the World Health Organization, upwards of 800,000 people a year will commit suicide globally. That is one person every 40 seconds. Why is it that during this time of acknowledging mental heath, we are seeing more suicides than ever before? Suicide.org estimates that global suicide rates have increased a whopping 60 percent within the last 45 years, and continues to increase. In the aftermath of suicide, it is not uncommon to hear friends and family express their overwhelming shock, explaining that their loved one seemed “so happy and full of life,” or “they seemed fine mere days ago." My prognosis is that, even though society has recognized that we have a global mental health crisis, collectively we are still failing to understand what it really means to live life with a mental illness. It is extremely difficult for someone who doesn’t fight this battle, to truly understand what it means to be on the frontlines.