December 18th Normy and Not the Truth
It started at the early age of 5. This feeling took over my mind and body. I was so scared but I didn’t know why. I’d run around crying and screaming for help but “Quit the crocodile tears or go to your room” was always the solution.
Mental health is viewed as more significant when it happens in adults. Children need us to recognise when they are showing behaviours or thought processes that maybe related to mental health issues also.
In a previous article, I talked about what it was like dealing with BPD. Well in this one I am talking about 2 of my daughters.
This is just me possibly, but I am not happily counting to Christmas. I am not a fan usually, but this year is possibly worse. My mental health is bad at present, which doesn't help. I am not religious, but I am beginning to wonder if it is all commercial. It starts in October and seems to go on forever. I admit giving in to the mince pies with use by dates weeks short of Christmas.
So, in order to fully understand what it is like to be in my shoes, we are going to have to travel back in time a bit. Actually, more than a bit, like 40 years or so. I know, just bear with me for a moment or two and you will understand why I have to go back this far. This is my story after all, and one that I feel needs to be shared.
Parents can be the best and worst thing that happens to us. There is a healing that only they can give us, yet they damage us like no one else. In reality, everything that we are and are to become flows from them. Their nurture can enhance the good or bad of our nature. A toxic parent does both; but only if we choose to grow and learn from how they treat us.
The moment that I’ve been dreading since August 2009 is coming. The moment that seemed so far away is now quickly surfacing in the horizon. What moment might you ask? The moment that my stepdad is getting out of prison. The year of 2019 marks the 10th and final year that my stepdad will be completing in prison. He received a 10-year sentence for unlawful touching of a child despite all the other horrible things that he’s done to my sisters and me.
I went through this and continue to go through this.
I never really imagined my youth would have played out the way it did. Although my life is not even halfway over, I have lived a life longer than my years. Additionally, things happen in the blink of an eye and one never knows if we will be here tomorrow. I am known as that goofy girl that helps everyone through their tough times. Everyone truly believes I am happy, but the truth is I am fucking depressed. This here is my confession.
Recently, I've had to "cut off" or go "no contact" with two of the most important people in my life—two family members—my twin sister and my mother, and it hasn't been easy by any means, but I know for me, it was necessary.