𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒓𝒚; sometimes I wonder if anyone else notices. I’m sure your spine has been permanently curved by the weight of all those empty, broken promises you continue to carry on your shoulders.

Four days....it’s been four days Isiah tells me, since I’ve been fully present, coming up for air through the foamy churn. After a self-induced break from psychotropics he had surreptitiously reintroduced my medication slowly, gently, by coming in at regular intervals and handing me tablets and water before leaving me to sleep away the grubbiness and dead feeling inside me. I arch hesitantly, flexing the sinews, creating space between muscle and bone. Looking for points of pain like running a tongue around a gritty cavity. Usually I can maintain some degree of functionality. Get up, go to work, come home, chuck some washing on, feed the dog, drink more coffee, wine, whatever, smoke, crash. Rinse and repeat. All conducted through a heavy, aching fog. A cotton wool, asbestos fibered glaze.

Let me start off by telling you why I am writing this: when I tell people I am depressed or I’m having trouble with my mental health, they think I’m ‘lazy’ and they tell me to ‘get over it’ I want to try and get people who do not suffer from mental health to understand what it’s like, so maybe when people like me do need to talk to someone they’re not scared to because they don’t want to be judged. So, this will be kind of like my own life story but I’m not going to leave out the bad parts; in fact, those are going to be the parts I want you to pay most attention to.

Nutrition is one of the most overlooked aspects of mental health. There are many people who don’t realize or acknowledge the huge role that food plays in physical, emotional, and mental health. If you are struggling with depression, it may feel overwhelming to even think about eating the right foods. However, making a few small changes in your diet can help to reduce symptoms of depression and have a positive impact on your day to day life.

Explanation

I would like to start off with saying that this is nothing more than a personal experience. Something that was painful to write and open up about. I believe that with things like depression it is so important to be deeply honest. I wrote this as a form of self healing and I'm sharing it in the hope that i can show an insight into how hard day to day life can be when you are plagued with depression. Since writing this i am in a very different place, having taken strides forward in wanting to fight and dealing with my mental health issues. By sharing and talking about things you take away the power which isolates you in them.

Happy people are all alike, and unhappy people unhappy in their own ways. Some people grew up ignorant and thought-free, and some grew up depressive. It was 2009, when my friends asked me what happened, and I cannot believe it myself that I admitted, I'm depressive. It is not only me, but many people cannot ease the burden easily. When an accumulation of simple event caused discomfort, it feels like life hits me hard. Then unpleasant emotions (fear, dissapoinment, shame, grief, despair) dominating, our mind freaks out and rises out dark thoughts about what's been happened leads to what's gonna happen. It is like an pop-up adds when we cannot close the window and we simply cannot control them. The mind doesn't stop there, it thinks about an escape. An escape from the truth: gulping ISSR, alcohol, religion extrimism, sex, shopping, harm someone, and even suicide, as Nietzsche said 'letting the death enter freely'.

1. They tend to be chronic people pleasers.

The Day I Killed Myself

Thankfully, my dedicated addiction to Pinterest has given me ample substance for helping both myself and those in need. If you haven't yet searched through TED Talks, you need to. I not only use them for my own knowledge and well being, I use them within my personal training and lifestyle coaching communities, and within my personal circles. Take a moment to check out this great post from Sarah Rose Coaching.

People that have depression such as myself have our good days and our bad. Do we tell others? No, well I know I don't. I keep it to myself, I don't want others to see anything but my happy cheerful self. I don't want to speak the existence of the depression. I thought that maybe if I hide it good enough it would go away, but it doesn't.