I do not know why today is one of 'those days' for me. Let's start with what I should be happy and excited about the most. My fiance's birthday is today, and we have plans to move into our new house. Another grateful milestone that I accomplished this year and with the love of my life. Our lives have been far from perfect, and I plan on documenting it all. Maybe the words will heal me. Honestly, I am thinking of my mother. My cousin just lost his mother, and I feel for the pain he is experiencing. My lupus has put me down for weeks.
Shaking, shivering, it’s not cold, what’s happening to me? My heart races trying to drive out of my chest. My leg bounces up and down about 100 beats per minute. My breathing speeds up, choking on each breath. I try to calm down but I can’t, I can't stop this feeling. Looking around the room my vision is blurred but I can make out the shape of a desk with a monitor on it showing a colorful screen saver to the right of me. A window behind it with the blinds halfway down just enough to block out the sun but still let light in. Next to it, I see many inspirational posters, one saying “ Hang in there!” with a picture of a cat hanging onto a branch, cute, but not right now. I’m sitting at a large table with multiple chairs around it one containing my mother. She’s looking at me with a confused, concerned, glare. I see her face out of the corner of my eye while I blankly stare at the neutral party in the room, lets call her V, V goes on about the process that we’re going through right now. My mom continues to glare at me during the silence, I look down afraid of what she might say to me. V finished typing as the phone starts to ring, she answers, she then says “We’ll be right out” She hangs up then gesture toward the door.
I can give a few facts and stats about anxiety and depression, but I think anyone can look those up on Google. Instead, I choose to relate my own experience, in case it could help someone with similar experiences.
You're living life to the fullest and one day it all stops. The breaks are slammed and everything changes. You ask yourself a ton of questions and thoughts run through your mind as to why. What happened? Why me? Why can't I get up out of bed? Why is that things that I used to care about and enjoy just seem to be chores and lost thoughts? Why is it that I'm so sad, moody, making plans just to break them? Why do I feel so dead inside and why am I crying so much? Why don't I care about the way I look or even have the strength to take a shower? All these things crossed my mind over and over again for years. I had no idea what happened to me. Where did my spunk go? Why is this cloud over my head? Why and more why's were running through my mind what was left of it at the time. I really tought I had lost mind.
The clinical definition states, "a mental disorder characterized by moods and loss of interest affecting everyday life for most."
Depression has been a miracle for me because it allowed me to look inwards, something that I had never been taught to do in life.
One of the major topics I wish people would have talked about more or even told me is postpartum depression ( PPD for short). I’ve dealt with it and I am still currently dealing with it. Some days are worse than others and some days I don’t notice it at all. what is it? What can you do? Does it ever go away? I’m here to answer all of your unanswered questions about postpartum depression. Welcome to Postpartum 101.
Lexi’s husband pulls her close in his sleep. Her son, dreaming beneath his mountain of sleepy toys and fish shaped pillows in the next room. She glances at the pictures of her family and friends displayed on her bedroom wall. Each placed in just the right spot so that no passerby could possibly miss its gaze.
For a lot of teens in this generation Mental Health is something we have to deal with. Whether it's anxiety, depression, ADHD, and other things affected by the brain. Now I won't blame this completely on the older generation but I will say that they played a hand in this. Considering that the older generations are our parents and grandparents, the people who raised us and the environment we were put into greatly affects our mental health. Older generations a lot of times call us sensitive but that isn't the case. Our generation is a lot more sympathetic to the things going on in this world
Being depressed is like a full-time job. It takes so much work, time, and energy, just to keep sane. The effort to get out of bed. Once you're out of bed it feels like a huge accomplishment, and you go to look at the world around you, everyone else has already gotten out of bed. While you were dragging yourself through all the awful thoughts. While you were hyping yourself up, they were busy working, having fun, getting ahead. What they don't see is that you did it with a 50 lb rock on ur chest and screaming constantly in your ears. For them, it was quiet and light.
To my head and heart
Why is that everytime I take a breathe, I feel you attacking me?
Is there a chance that I would be able to not think about the constant fights you keep having over me? I hear the arguments every day as I hide away in the corner from either of you. People always say I should listen to one of you instead of the other but how am I supposed to know who will be the one that actually stands up for me? I never thought I would say this outloud but I can't hear myself speak anymore. All the words that escape my lips come from segments of your fights. I have grown up on thoughts that at most points in my life you were trying to kill me. You almost achieved your dream three times. I have scars and bruises on my body from the words you whispered in my ear. I lay in bed and stare above me as I quietly drain out your lies. How am I supposed to live when you keep breaking in attacking me?
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Depression, as all too many know all too well, is a persistent lowering of mood and energy. Seasonal affective disorder or seasonal depression, as the name suggests, is a particular form of depression that is related closely to changes in the seasons, which in turn accompany changes in weather and social patterns, among other things. Due to a variety of reasons, for example, the cold winter months near the end of the year in many parts of the world and long periods with relative lack of sunlight in remote arctic climates in certain parts of the year tend to bring about higher levels of depression and isolation and, unfortunately, suicide among many members of the population. With this information in mind, the following are 5 very common triggers of seasonal affective disorder, which also has the unfortunately fitting acronym of SAD, and some ways to keep an eye out for them.