This is a true story about me. First, I want to say that I wish I could go back and change a lot of my life choices but I obviously can't. Suicide and suicide attempts are terrible things to even consider. I hope my story helps someone else seek help instead of making the same poor choice that I did by staying silent. I should mention that I am still silent on this matter to those who think to know me. I deal with heart palpitations constantly now, when I had never had them before. If my story speaks to you, please leave a tip. I have no insurance and can't afford a doctor's visit.

Being happy when you have depression is definitely not the easiest thing in the world. For instance yesterday I was happy all day. My husband and I rearranged our room together yesterday. That doesn’t sound fun at all and honestly rearranging a bedroom is not fun at all. Normally rearranging a room is stressful, but I was happy and having fun and we kept picking on each other and laughing. Today I feel like being happy takes work and that if one little thing goes wrong then my entire day is just ruined.

You never know what is actually going on behind that beautiful face you see every day, you never know how heavy that heart feels to act normal in order to fake feelings, and you never know how hard that soul cries to sleep every night. All you know is how happy and peaceful they look outside.

I have no idea what depression is and how it looks like. I thought you could either be sad and happy but have no amount of sadness that can destroy a human life. I came to know this only when I went to the Western world and having two past relationships in which they both have depression. I’ve seen all sentiments on Facebook and how important to address a problem that’s eating away the minds of affected people. This type of mental illness is dangerous and unpredictable. How can we solve a problem that is spread out and no objective kind of healing that can swiftly eradicate its symptoms? I have been interested in this subject because I have encountered it and experienced it with people that were once involved in my life. I guess it is just right to understand what it is and how we can prevent this from happening or how to alleviate the problem if it’s happening to your loved ones.

It’s a beautiful June morning in the spring of 2020. A year none of us living will ever forget. A year that will be written about in history books for future generations. Whether we are 90 years old or merely a child, this year will be personally life changing. There is A LOT going on. The Novotel Corona virus combined with the global protests to fight for equality have created a new world that we all now live in. What we know and how we live our lives has been turned upside down and inside out. Nothing is the same. In terms of employment, which is so critical to living a comfortable life, some of us are fortunate enough to be able to work from home. Some of us have found ourselves unemployed and some of us are essential workers who are both physically and mentally exhausted. We now are afraid about our futures and in some cases, people are afraid about where their next meal will come from, how they will feed their children and how they will ever recover from this dark place. But wait…

1. Turn On Your Music how to overcome depression

My will isn't strong. It isn't powerful. It's just always there. My will is a thread. Barely keeping me alive. But that's all that's needed. There's no celebration when you beat depression. There's no medal. No reward. You just go back to living. All you get from fighting depression is pain and scars. There isn't a silver lining. You don't come out stronger. You come out different. Broken, damaged, weakened. You might heal. You might not. No one cares except, sometimes, those close to you. There's no fame or glory for winning. You just get to live. But that doesn't change the fact that willpower isn't a cable. It's a thread. Unbreakable. Invincible thread.

I never really understood depression.

I would like to start off with saying that this is nothing more than a personal experience. Something that was painful to write and open up about. I believe that with things like depression it is so important to be deeply honest. I wrote this as a form of self healing and I'm sharing it in the hope that i can show an insight into how hard day to day life can be when you are plagued with depression. By sharing and talking about things you take away the power which isolates you in them.

I have a real issue with depression being termed a mental illness… wait, let me finish… because sometimes depression isn’t depression. Sometimes it’s a normal and natural state of being and by calling this depression we are labelling a whole group of people as mentally ill when in fact they’re perfectly well.

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