CORONA VIRUS DEPRESSION [CVD]
I woke up today. I hit the snooze button more than 10 times only to realize that I’m awake and just hitting it for no reason. I stared at my ceiling for 30 minutes listening to the alarm ring and my dog bark not knowing if I could get up. “Maybe if I call in today, I’ll just tell them I’m sick. I mean I am, just not in the way that they think.” I finally got out of bed. Every ounce of my body fought me wanting to lay back down. I’m tired. I shuffle into the bathroom. I don’t look in the mirror. I can’t. I already know what is waiting for me and i am not ready to face that just yet.
For my Vocal Love More I’d like to submit a photo I found from tumblr, a video by Thom Yorke, and the social media account Tokyo Fashion.
During my depression, I could have three different faces. The first one is when I am feeling some joy because I am not breaking down, thinking that maybe I got to to the end of the dark tunnel I have been walking in for a while. When I am in this state, I feel happy, optimistic and excited about tomorrow. I feel like all my sad moments were just a passing cloud, and that all my traumas happened for a reason, a positive one. My view of the world changes and my mood is stable all the time. My mother used to tell me that my eyes usually shine whenever I am genuinely happy, and the following pictures shows that. I remember I was smiling for real, I wasn't faking it that time, I was in relief, I was out of the prison called depression.
People are speaking a lot more about mental health and it’s great. Sadly it’s just not the way I expected. Society is leaning towards sugar coating the whole idea of it like it’s some misconception we fumbled across. A piece of gum found under a desk that had been stuck there weeks ago.
Let me start off by introducing myself. Hi my name is Janelle. I'm a college student. I live in California. Wait why would this matter? Introducing yourself is good but you wouldn't know if that person is fine or not. They would act like everything is perfect in there life. I'm sorry nothing and no one is perfect. I've learned the tough way. I didn't care what anyone says or thinks about me or what I want to do. Trust me I used to care what everyone thinks about me because that's where my depression kicked in.
I just arrived home. Today, I was supposed to go on a school trip, I registered for it two months ago and was looking forward to it. I was awake all night since yesterday I fell asleep the whole day, so my sleep pattern is completely messed up now. The school bus is supposed to leave at 8.30 am, but the event organizers urged us to come earlier. I was telling myself that if I want to get better, I should socialize more, and leave my room more. So, around 7 am I shaved my beard, and dressed well, leaving my room in a complete mess. I arrived at the gathering location at 8 am, and more people started arriving. I looked at their faces, many seemed really different, they seemed normal. Many were with their families and friends, and even the few ones who were alone seemed to be in peace with themselves. I started hesitating whether I should participate in this paid trip that I waited for since a while or just go back home. After 10 minutes of hesitating, I decided to go back home, and here I am changing my clothes and wearing my pyjamas. This is one of the easiest ways to explain how depression is affecting me and I wouldn’t wish it to my enemies.
Sometimes people have the best intentions to help their friends and family members during their struggle with depression. However, they may tend to say some things to us that can break us more than anything else. The following sentences should be avoided at any cost, as they will hurt a lot.
I tell myself all the time that I’m happy. I have daily talks with myself, about myself. I try to drain the outside noise to focus on what’s more important, but sadly, my brain has a hard time choosing me.
If your depression presents itself anything like mine does, the self-isolation symptom could happen daily! Memes have been floating around the 'net about quarantine feeling just like any other day.