P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S

P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S.- Stage 1

Purposely Obscuring Thoughts Aspirations Traumas that Overtly Expresses the Self

I smile, but I smile only slightly. The truth is, I am suffering; I am unhappy. I disguise my suffering with a smile, others do not have a clue that inside the dorms of my soul I feel crappy.

I frown so much that when I do smile, the stretching of my cheeks is discomforting. My days contains less laughter, and more gasping. My smiles are not a symptom of happiness; I use laughter for masking—knowing the pain will be continual, as the laughter will not be everlasting.

Internally, there is a silent volcano erupting. I feel heat. I hear screams, wimpers, and sobs There are many doors to hell but not all doors have doorknobs. People ask, “are you ok?” There is something bothering me, but I tell them nothing. There are only an elite few that can tell that it is something.

When will the pain end? It’s been decades, and I still have the same inquiries. I’ve prayed, but my palms have unwed from one another. Till this day my prayers remain soliloquies. Why am I unhappy? I am financially stable. I am in top tier health. I have a beautiful family. It’s just….my kind spirit and my genuine generosity is taken for granted. Constantly being taken advantage of by my family, my job, and my friends is driving me to insanity. I am embracing the darkness — cumulatively architected into this alternate personality, a person I did not plan to be.

They say the eyes are the windows to the soul, but to me they are more like butterfly doors. Except when I open mine and look in the mirror, I see no grandeur. The eyes are the glossary to the soul. Morality is the economy of the spirit. Once you abandon your principles and absorb immorality, guilt will continue to shadow you, and lead you to experience an emotional toll. The worst let down is when you let yourself down, as you no longer will feel whole.

My heart is purple- bruised due to the putrid intangible cupids I have experienced as a result of many love wars. Now, I have no heart for others because people’s intentions are so impure. “Will I ever be able to trust again…?” For now, the answer I that question is “I am not sure.” “Why is it that I always attract people who want to use me?” Obviously, when it comes to judgement of character, I am not a good connoisseur. I isolated myself from the crops of people. I finally got what I wanted, but I still wanted more. If I were to describe my state of happiness, it would be like eating food giving you the false sense of feeling full. But in reality, I am not fulfilled. I am just gassy. Do not take my smile as a smile; I am grinning ghastly.

P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S. -Stage 2

Person Outwardly Transforming Appearance To Obscure Esteem & Self-identity

Even though I am packed with wit, physical allure, financial stability, and business savvy, I am not the best version of myself, sadly.

After this internal obscure zero-decibel storm is gone, I will become a hybrid- changed to the extent you would think a total different person is born. If caterpillars can become butterflies, then that also means I possess the power to transform into something out of the norm. I changed everything from my character, to my personality, to my wardrobe. The clothes I wear will soon become —clothes I have worn. These fabrics I advertise on my skin is far from the reflection of who I am within.

My conversations were boring, now they are hypnotic. I talk about a diverse range of topics that are simple, to complex —exceeding basic comprehension and logic. My voice was once soft, now it is passionately harmonic. The way I used to walk was non rhythmic, now my strut, pose, and posture, is symbolic. My personality lacked the luster of originality, now it is iconic. I used to dress unconventional. Now, I dress versatile —ranging from flamboyant to exotic, and at times, dark and gothic.

P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S. - Stage 3

Progressive Onset of Thoughts & Actions That Offset Emotions & Stressors

I drowned in my tears. The splashing was too loud for my ears to bear. I began kayaking in my fears. My fear was being in solitude, and not being generous to the world, my family, and my peers. There were moments when my sense of self courtesy, and compassion did interfere. This was during the moment where I seen a homeless person holding a stylish cup. But I thought to myself “Why is he homeless?” “There could be a reason why he is homeless.” “His homelessness could be his deserved karma.” So I chose not interfere with universal karma; what would I reap if I were to interrupt?

I got tired of being Mr. Nice Guy. My patience wore thin. In the dark, I have grown into a mixture of nice, firm, with fermentation ferociousness—a perfect blend. Firmness, and ferociousness, were character traits I previously lacked within. I am still myself. I am just a mystified version of myself. I have become myself with a twist…and a compelling morbid spin. I am a scattered jigsawed mystery. You can never tell how I am truly feeling; my emotions are concealed from one’s optics. When something bothers someone you cannot always troubleshoot the problem. Some things cannot be determined —even when there is a comprehensive diagnostics. When something or someone is bothering me I ruminate. I know it is not good to let turbulent emotions accumulate, but I do not let misery duplicate. Misery is viral and toxic. So I always laugh and smile even though I am crying inside like a baby with colic. I smile even when I am angry — like the Haley’s comet in a fiery rage. Every place I frequent, needs to be doused with sage. I refused to seek formal counsel and someone to talk to. Overwhelmed by stress, I began excessively cleaning, overeating, fixing cars, over exercising, recreational drug use, engaging in both, destructive and constructive activities that offset my emotions and stress. Later, I only found out that this only left my emotions temporarily suppressed. I was still in emotional distress.

P.O.T.A.T.O.E.S. - Stage 4

Personality Overtly Transformed Acquired Transformation Of Entire Self

My heart hardened. My skin can’t be peeled, it’s thickened. I didn’t know I was capable of becoming this monster I envisioned. The joy and happiness in my soul has been siphoned. My laughter and my sadness has become siblings. Dew drops falls from eyes onto my grassy face. My face always wore a blank stare; unlike the stars, my eyes do not glisten. I stopped sacrificing for myself for the benefit of others because when it was my time to experience one sentence within a stanza one of joy, no one turned to my chapter. I got tired of being judged by my cover and treated as if I did not matter. I got tired of not getting the credit I deserve—being overlooked like a molecule of matter. Your feelings are never a factor. People only get pissed off when it’s affecting their bladder. People will only use you, using your head as a staircase and ladder. The more I realized the truth of the reality of this statement all it did was make me even more madder.

I have no heart like that man made of tin. I smile even when I feel otherwise deep within. The word turning someone cold is not an unpopular trend. The old me is in the trash —never to be recycled again.

I transformed into a potato decorated with skin - exhaling rage from the chambers of my lungs; you can feel the repetitive heat of dissonant passion from every breath within. The attributes of generosity and amicably abandoned my body as they were formerly embedded in my spirit, depths within. I have succumbed to the darkness, letting it take dominion. I have become a P.O.T.A.T.O. - a Person Obscuring Thoughts Aspirations Traumas & Opinions.