As a Leonardo da Vinci enthusiast, artist and ferocious reader, I have collected books and read countless biographies on him, visited museums with his collections, studied his works online, and emulated many of his artworks in various media. And after all this time, I cannot shake off the feeling that this extraordinary Renaissance man, who was prolific in so many fields might have Multiple Personality Disorder.
Narcissists and psychopaths lie. They are reliant on the reactions of others to feel alive, be relevant, to exist—they talk continuously. When they are not interacting and getting reactions (supply) from others, they are irrelevant. Think of a phone without a battery in it. That is how they feel. A sense of nothingness.
Narcissistic psychopaths love mobile devices. They can lock them up, pull them out to appear; busy, working or otherwise occupied and important and they can lock you out.
Surprisingly—or maybe unsurprisingly—there are plenty of psychopaths who are not just productive members of society but, more often times than not, are people of power in our societies.
Narcissists and psychopaths manufacture chaos. In part, this is because they are not integrated and chaotic. They also most often were raised in chaotic environments that lacked structure and consistency. They have learned that by creating chaos and confusion, they are best able to portray their victims as "unstable." Normal people do not function well in chaos. Children thrive and crave structure. These folks intentionally create chaos in the lives of children, which lead to the children reacting in understandably negative ways.
In this tragic state of school shootings, women being killed by their partners frequently, constant news of corruption in our family courts and movies and music industries, Child Protective Services, Police, Social Workers, the foster-care system, political offices (all of which serve as processors and purveyors of pedophilia and child sex trafficking), we are desperate for the "reasons."
I sit here today feeling accomplished and generally happy. I feel ambitious, positive, healthy and capable. Tomorrow may shine a different light on my life, so I close my eyes and tell myself to live in the moment. The impending doom that I try so hard to avoid every day will eventually make an appearance. It might not be today, tomorrow, or even a few weeks from now, but the feeling of being swallowed up by the whole world and sucked into a deep pit of despair will rear its evil head. I believe that acceptance and being aware of what that looks like before it consumes you is key to surviving this whirlwind of a disorder: BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder.
It seems the past two decades have created a legion of diverse narcissists. Although, as humans, we're all capable of narcissism from time to time, what I want to explain clearly in this article is the stark difference between healthy narcissism and the toxic narcissism that creates very toxic relationships that never seem to end well (and they all end at some point).
I joke about it extensively. I mention it in passing from time to time. I’ve never really talked about it, though. Partially out of fear, partially out of frustration, I try to keep it at arm’s length. Consider this my first steps to try and change that.
There was a Facebook post going around... not too long ago called "BPD awareness." It talked about how hopeless someone with BPD can feel, how guilty they feel on a daily basis, how it destroys their relationships with everyone they love—and I shared it. Because, that's what you do when you relate to something on social media, right?