I’m trapped. I’m lost. I can't escape the demons in my mind. I haven’t really felt like myself lately. I look in the mirror and I don’t recognize the person I see. Someone help. For years I contemplated and plotted my suicide, but something always held me back and made me indecisive about what was the correct thing to do. I was afraid to disappoint the people who truly loved me. I knew I had to do it one day and no one was ever on the other side saying, “Don’t do it.”
I was 18 the first time I saw a psychiatrist. He was a man in a button-up shirt with glasses and frazzled hair. Everyone said he was one of the best in Minnesota and he would be able to help me with anything. He very briefly mentioned something called Borderline Personality Disorder, but didn't seem too worried about it. The next psychiatrist I saw was a tiny Pakistani woman, and that was all she could talk about with me. She seemed convinced that Borderline Personality Disorder was the root of all my problems.
At first, I though I was just crazy. From the mood swings to the impulsive behaviors to the distorted self image and excess sensitivity, I thought I was losing my mind. It took many visits to the doctor and therapist, and two inpatient hospitalizations to finally be diagnosed with BPD. The general symptoms of BPD are mood swings, uncertainty in how one sees themselves, viewing things to the extreme, intense anger, and impulsive behavior. I'm just going to go over how each of these symptoms makes me feel and effects my life personally.
Although a full 1.6 percent of people in the United States—over 4 million people—live with Borderline Personality Disorder, it remains one of the least understood and discussed mental health issues in the public sphere. It's frequently overlooked, and often stigmatized or treated as symptoms without a cause; that is, symptoms that are the fault of the person suffering from it. Here are a few of the most common myths about Borderline Personality Disorder, to at least begin dispelling these misconceptions.
6 years ago, I started to notice a different voice in my head. A man's voice, the sweetest tune you could think of. He only really showed up when I was alone, I thought how nice it was that someone wanted to keep me company. He'd repeat the most delightful things to me, telling me how special I was. One night, I wanted to talk back, to thank this mystery man for making me feel so important.
Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is on the OCD spectrum but at the same time, it is a separate personality issue. Obsessive-compulsive people are, well, obsessed, with things like maintaining orderliness, perfectionism and controlling all situations they imagine they have control over. They are not the most open people as that takes a toll on them because they have difficulty on which tasks are a priority. They get stuck on the best way to do a task. They get angry when receiving poor restaurant service but do not complain to a manager, but instead, they subtly wonder what kind of tip to leave.
Dependent personality disorder is not defined as being on the sociopathy spectrum such as the others excluding avoidant personality. Dependent people are dependent on other people, having no personality of their own. Those diagnosed with dependent personality depend on other people way too much to meet their emotional and physical needs. The people with dependent personality have problems achieving normal levels of independence. People with dependent personality disorder are passive and clingy, unable to withstand being alone. Source. They feel that they need somebody to help them all the time because they cannot stop being needy.
Three in the morning, I've wrested with the fears of someone breaking in. Maybe they're outside your window right now, finding a way in.
Psychopaths are superficial, glib, and sexually promiscuous (source), which are the traits of most people although having these traits doesn’t make one a sociopath or psychopath. Sociopaths have emotions, they just have trouble accessing them. Fearlessness, dominant behavior, as well as immunity to stress are often traits found in psychopaths. The Hare Psychopathy Checklist screens a person for potential psychopathic traits because psychopaths are 1% of the population. Psychopaths have a grandiose sense of self-worth. Psychopaths cannot endure being down for too long. They need something to perk them up like having a victim to push around. Psychopaths tell lies that most people are conned into believing.
Personality disorders are all about the sufferer being a social deviant who does not follow ordinary social rules of conduct. Personality disorders such as narcissism make the sufferer lie a lot. Antisocial personality involves a total disregard for the emotions of others. Antisocial people are also called sociopathic because they tend to break ordinary rules. Harmful behaviors are sociopathic or psychopathic. Source. Sociopathy involves having impairments to the sufferer’s conscience while psychopaths have a complete lack of conscience related to others. They do not imagine other people around them have rights at all. Antisocial personality is found more in men than in women.
People with schizotypal are a bit odd with few friendships. People with schizotypal are mistrusting of others while being ultra paranoid. They lack close friends outside of their family who is able to put up with their constant suspiciousness of other people. They imagine events have a direct or personal meaning targeting them. Schizotypal people dress oddly or mismatch their clothing. They believe in special powers such as mental telepathy or other superstitions. Some have unusual perceptions or have illusions. Schizotypal is characterized by having social anxiety. They have vague patterns of speaking, which includes rambling during conversations.