When I stopped wanting—wanting to work, make, feel, be—I started sleeping a lot. I don’t know if you know this, but there’s a kind of limit on how much one person can sleep. Even after hitting that limit more than a few times throughout my life, I still couldn’t tell you what it is. I haven’t done any testing. All I know is that it exists. A thin line, dictating your ability to sleep and to not.

We’ve all heard the word “depression.” We’ve all known someone with “depression.” But for those that don’t suffer, it may be hard to understand. What IS “depression?” How does it work? Why does it turn our loved ones into people we don’t recognize? Why does it push people to take their own lives? Unfortunately, doctors and scientists don’t have answers for every single aspect of depression, but there is a lot of research that explains the ins and outs of it. I’m here to share some of the research I’ve compiled to help those without depression understand those with depression. The stigma around individuals who struggle with it, or any mental health illness, has created a barrier - I want to break that barrier. I also want to make it clear that I am NOT a mental health clinician, only an individual that has suffered with multiple mental health illnesses and witnessed firsthand how this stigma has affected others.

The surface of the earth is about 197 million square miles and home to 7.6 billion people. In roughly two years, 260 million more babies will be born. Now imagine those 260 million babies as individuals of all different ages, ethnicities, and genders. Add another five million individuals to that and you have 265 million people, all over the world. That’s how many people suffer from depression. I’m one of them. My name is Ashley and I’m 27 years old. I was diagnosed with depression almost 14 years ago, but I’ve struggled with it most of my life. In my early twenties, my diagnosis shifted from “depression” to “major depressive disorder.” It has never gone away and I’ve never been “cured.” I have good and bad days. Others generally see me as a cheerful person, because I don’t want them to experience my pain or show pity. Life with depression isn’t always bad and it doesn’t always entail sleeping too much or not at all, crying every day, feeling hopeless, or having thoughts of suicide. I’m here to share my story and raise awareness of what living with depression can look like to someone on the outside.

Growing up, I never had the perfect childhood. In fact, it was pretty rough through and through. I ended up living in a trailor park for four years after my family lost the house, and I was bullied until middle school. If that doesn't make you say, "That's pretty messed up," then I don't know what will. Once I got to high school, I noticed that I wasn't too happy with the things I used to be excited to do. I stopped drawing, and watching anime altogether. Nobody really noticed that I was going through anything at that time, but I knew something was up. As much as I didn't want to, I had to tell my mom about it, which wasn't pretty in the slightest. She began to look at me differenlty and her eyes were always filled with a sort of sadness. It made it hard for me to want to look at her from then on. Soon after, my whole family knew about it, and I started to feel like a circus animal. My own dad said that what I was feeling wsa just a phase, and that it would pass soon after. Which, to be honest, wasn't something I really wanted to hear, but I knew that he had good intentions. I started to feel like nobody understood me, and that what I was feeling was beginning to get worse after that whole fiasco happened.

Depression is a disorder that we feel persistent sadness. We may feel sad due to a loss of our loved ones, stress, and failures in our life etc. But sometimes we may not be able to figure out why we are sad.

Trigger Warning:

Stop It With The Filters

Several years ago, I tried to kill myself.

I've levelled out. After weeks of clinging on for dear life - literally - I have regained some semblance of balance. Careful though. One misstep and you will fall, Dom A pebble in the void, the only direction, down.

Is it crazy to think that I would never be happy ? Or even have that insane rush of happiness a lot of people get .

How did my story begin?

The transition from addiction to rehab can be difficult and stressful. It comes after the decision to start with recovery and, in most cases, is followed by fear and pain. The process of detoxication, as well as the road to sobriety itself, brings many obstacles and challenges for people with substance use disorder. The thought that one day, they’ll be free from addiction and able to live a normal life again is probably the most important inspiration that will keep them positive and away from relapse. For that reason, most programs created to help with rehab for men https://addictionresource.com/drug-rehab/men-only/, as well as for women, are based on the idea of getting these people mentally and physically strong enough to cope with the process.