At its core, trauma can be thought of as the psychological wounds that persist, even when the physical ones are long gone.
Cherries on Fire
In this very moment, the subtle glow of a street lamp is the only thing keeping me safe. It’s a reminder that outside of this room exists a reality that isn’t the one I’m currently living. If it were to shut off, I would be swallowed up by the darkness of this room. By his darkness.
When Will It End?
So I wanted to tell my story in somewhat of chronological order. However, there has been a lot going on recently and I want it to come to light because I am tired of living in darkness.
Why would parents allow their grown friend to scare a preteen with sexual remarks
Why would my parents allow a grown man( their friend) allow him to chase me around the house threatening to do sexual things to their youngest pre-teen daughter? This is a true story
Here is where the victims of narcissists end up. I feel like these days, narcissism has become this stereotype that’s used to describe people who are assholes. Someone is inconsiderate of someone else’s feelings and it’s BOOM- you must be a narcissist. Personally, I’m not a fan of the word, nor am I a fan of it becoming so glorified. When you really dive into uncovering the entirety of narcissism, the acts, the victims, the gaslighting, the conditioning, it’s not just something to call someone. It’s something and someone who quite literally ruins peoples lives and then blames those people for their own world crashing down around them while the narcissists are the ones driving the bull dozer. It’s intentionally hurting someone, telling them their reaction to your hurtful act is wrong and then dismissing the way you made them feel entirely. It’s emotional warfare and it gets so deep that it’s like holding someone under water until they almost drown, letting them fight to get back up for air and asking them why they put THEMSELVES in that position. Narcissism is conditioning someone into accepting your bullshit with small little things here and there that eventually add up to bigger things and become more frequent until the victim is sitting there questioning their entire life, their entire self and wondering how they got HERE. Where is here, you ask? Here obviously varies from one situation to the next, but there’s always the common denominators such as isolation. Here is alone and not just alone but lonely because you’ve been keeping the red flags from those whom you love the most. Sometimes those loved ones can read between the lines, but you’re told they don’t support you and even if you don’t necessarily believe that, you go along with it because it’s the ‘them or me’ mentality that enduces panic. Here is often financially dependent on the narcissist with the heavy weight of knowing you couldn’t afford to leave even if you wanted to. Here is not only isolated, but lonely and questioning EVERYTHING about yourself. Where did I go wrong? How can I fix this? What’s wrong with me? Oh and my personal favorite, why can’t I do anything right? Here is not where any of us expected to end up. After all, I just wanted to be loved. It felt perfect. Looking back, maybe I did overlook some red flags. Maybe I did begin to allow the disrespect. Maybe I did play a part in my own isolation. Maybe I did also become toxic myself, but I know that’s not who I am. Wait, no seriously, who AM I!? Nothing but a shell of who I used to be as I realize I’m here. Each instance of the emotional abuse has created a new layer of toxic coping mechanisms I’ll have to learn to shed one by one. People talk about all the abuse a narcissist puts you through, but I never see anyone talk about it quite literally becoming your internal dialogue. You spend years being manipulated and you finally see it for what it is, BUT IT DOESNT JUST END. You don’t get to just walk away. Once you leave, you are gifted with the self doubt, the fear of failure, the fear of being alone because after a while you begin to believe you are as worthless as you’re told. It’s easy to write this and it’s easy for you to read this but just sit there and imagine truly believing someone when they tell you that you are a waste of space. That nothing you do is right. That you do not matter. Sit with it and let it sink in and try to really envision what a hopeless place HERE is. I would say that most peoples reaction would probably be, “that’s crazy! I would NEVER allow someone to make me feel that way! Even if they tried, I wouldn’t believe them.” Then you WAKE UP one day and you’re HERE.
12 Red Flags of an Abuser: How to Spot Someone with a Personality Disorder on the First Date
1. Insecure attachment style Abuse is the result of insecure attachment styles and trauma. Sometimes I read articles that claim, “Well, you don’t know your abusive partner is a narcissist — they may just be a regular asshole”, when the truth is abuse is always a sign of psychopathology. There is no such thing as someone who just wakes up one day and decides to become an abuser. There has to be a past of childhood trauma, whether it was emotional, physical or sexual abuse.
Processing what has happened to you is tricky
In horror movies, they show that the kidnapper (sometimes it is a biological parent) restraints the kidnapee. When cops arrive, this kidnapee wouldn't be able to move or shout. So, the cops miss the kidnapee.
I Drive My Own Car
This diary shows the progression of how domestic violence escalates. **Trigger for violence** All names and/or details have been changed to protect identities.
A Night to Remember
I was 7 in 1958 and my Dad took me to see a movie. It was called “A Night to Remember” - the story of the sinking of the Titanic.
My Journey with Mental Illness...
I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and anxiety at eighteen years old, six years after its onset. At twenty, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At twenty-two, I was diagnosed with mixed bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, all these were and are hereditary illnesses. And doubly unfortunate is that I’ve cycled through a various mixed-nut bag of schizophrenia, OCD, and borderline personality disorder.
'For 13 years, my husband sexually abused me...and I had no knowledge.'
We've recently heard a lot about powerful guys taking advantage of vulnerable women. In Parliament House, our high courts, and big business, there is sexual harassment and abuse.
Abused and Confused
To the woman who stays in a relationship that harms her soul, you know that it's time to leave. You battle your decision to take the red flags on as a challenge instead of the warning signs.
Shadows Of My Past
Be silent and listen - Have you recognized your madness and do you admit it? Have you noticed that all your foundations are completely mired in madness? Do you no want to recognize your madness and welcome it in a friendly manner? You wanted to accept everything so accept madness too. Let the light of your madness shine, and it will suddenly dawn on you. Madness is NOT to be despised and NOT to be feared, but instead you should give it life...If you want to find paths, you should also not spurn madness, since it makes up such a great part of your nature...Be glad that you can recognize it, for you will thus avoid becoming its victim. Madness is a special form of the spirit and clings to all teachings and philosophies, but even more to daily life, since itself is full of craziness and at bottom utterly illogical .