The Attachment Theory: How Childhood Affects Life

The attachment theory emphasizes the importance of forming a strong bond with a primary caregiver in our early years. This bond provides a sense of security that allows us to confidently explore the world around us. However, when the bond is weak, we feel insecure and hesitant to venture out. Securely attached individuals tend to have greater trust, stronger connections with others, and overall success in life. On the other hand, insecure attachment can lead to mistrust, difficulties in forming relationships, and a lack of social skills.

There are three types of insecure attachments: anxious/ambivalent, anxious/avoidant, and anxious/disorganized. These attachment styles manifest in particular ways when responding to distress. The first three react in an organized manner, while the last one acts in a disorganized manner. To better understand this theory, let's consider the Smith family, consisting of Mr. and Mrs. Smith and their four children: Luka, Ann, Joe, and Amy.

The Smiths are loving parents who provide their children with affection, eye contact, and warmth. However, when Mr. Smith falls seriously ill and eventually passes away, Mrs. Smith struggles to balance work and caregiving. This creates a challenging situation for her. Luka, at the age of six, has already developed a strong sense of self and a positive worldview. He is not greatly affected by the changes because he knows his mother is still there for him. Luka feels securely attached and grows up to be a trusting and optimistic individual with a positive self-image.

Ann, who is three years old, has a harder time coping with the lack of attention from her mother. She perceives her mother's behavior as unpredictable and becomes anxious about their relationship. In order to gain her mother's attention, Ann raises her emotional state and resorts to screaming. When her mother finally responds predictably, Ann behaves in an ambivalent manner and hides her true feelings. As Ann grows older, others perceive her as unpredictable or moody, and she develops a less positive self-image. Her attachment style is anxious/ambivalent.

Two-year-old Joe spends his days with his strict uncle, who believes that discipline is essential for a good education. Whenever Joe displays too much emotion or becomes too loud, his uncle becomes angry and sometimes punishes him. This frightens Joe, and he learns to suppress his emotions in order to avoid fear, even in other situations. As an adult, Joe continues this pattern and struggles to form relationships. He has a negative self-image, and his attachment style is anxious/avoidant.

Amy, just one year old, is sent to a nursery where the staff is poorly trained, overworked, and frequently stressed. Some of the staff members even act abusively. As a result, Amy becomes anxious around the very people she seeks security from, leading to a conflicted and disorganized understanding of love and safety. She tries to avoid social situations due to unresolved fear. As an adult, Amy sees herself as unworthy of love and has a highly negative self-image. Her attachment style is anxious/disorganized.

Our attachment styles are formed in the early years of our lives, a time when we are unable to communicate our anxieties and experience high levels of stress. This stress triggers the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, which can have detrimental effects on a child's brain development and weaken their immune system. In some cases, toxic stress can even alter the expression of genes, affecting our health for decades to come.

By simulating a Strange Situation, we can assess a child's attachment style as early as one year of age. This involves observing the child's behavior when separated from and reunited with their caregiver. It provides valuable insights into their attachment style and sets the stage for further understanding and support.