Why You Should Throw A Pity Party

You've most likely heard the term pity party before in your life. If not, allow me a quick explanation.

The dictionary definition is "an instance of feeling self-indulgently sorry for yourself."

In connotation, it's often used as a put down-whether about yourself or someone else. When someone is throwing themselves a pity party, we consider it over indulgence.

So, most people see pity parties as a bad thing-something that makes you seem weak, whiny, and a touch spoiled.

But perhaps if we consider it a bit more carefully, we can see the positives this has for ourselves and others.

Despite the negative associations, pity parties may have an integral role in this thing called being human.

Pity parties allow you to acknowledge a wrong that's been done to you.

In our modern age, so many people feel robbed.

It is a general consensus among young people that (thanks to the decisions of our elders) we won't get to experience the world they did.

Whether it's a lack of affordable housing/ income to an outside world that's been decimated to parking lots, the young feel robbed.

Like a door that was opened for older generations has been firmly shut behind them.

This also applies to personal situations or relationships: an abusive parent, traitorous friends, a toxic ex. We were given something rotten in place of something good.

They may seem small to others, but they are big to us.

And allowing ourselves to feel compassion for our situations let's us acknowledge that we've been wronged: an integral part in the healing process.

They let you feel the pain of that wrong

When bad things happen to us, there is consistent pressure to "get over it" and move on.

There is an unspoken allotment of time allowed for a person to wallow, but then they are expected to "pick themselves up by their boot straps" and continue.

However, as outsiders, we can't decide how long it should take someone to get over an offense-whether grievous or not.

Some people rebound quickly, others need more time to recover. But one universally accepted aspect of that recovery is letting yourself feel the emotions that come with it.

This typically includes humanity's greatest fear: pain.

This is where a pity party can work in someone's favor. It allows them to feel the pain, the negative effects, of a decision, offense, or action (whether done by themselves or someone else).

It fights against toxic positivity

In an era of social media (mixed with public acknowledgement of therapy/ healing), there is a huge pressure to be positive all the time. To maintain positivity at all costs.

On the other end of the spectrum of pity parties, toxic positivity sits. It refuses to acknowledge any pain or grief in life.

Phrases like "good vibes only" and

"everything happens for a reason" have taken the internet by swarm. They insist that good can be found in the face of all bad.

But the reality is, some bad things are just bad. And slapping a simple and cheap phrase over real pain diminishes it.

So, no matter how small someone's issues may seem to us, pity parties can be essential for fighting against this toxic culture.

They let you give yourself compassion

So far, pity parties have been viewed from the outside looking in. We've been talking about how they impact others and our treatment of them.

But they can greatly improve our relationship with ourselves as well.

Allowing yourself to have a pity party can have massive benefits-all of the ones listed above. But it also goes beyond that.

Throwing yourself a pity party allows you to give yourself compassion, especially on bad days.

It acknowledges your pain, rather than sweeping it under the rug like it's not important. And whether it's a failed exam or a failed relationship, if it's important to you, it matters.

Another crucial aspect? Pity parties are a sign of self love. They show that, even when you don't realize it, you know you deserve something better.

Let's you feel your emotions more fully

As I said before, we live in a toxically positive and healing-centric culture. And while healing is good, forced healing isn't.

This is get kind where you don't really heal so all. Rather, you fake it, numb it, and pretend everything is okay. This causes even more damage.

So, despite how mild problems seem to us or others, pity (and the self love/ compassion that accompanies it) is important. It lets us feel our emotions fully, leading to a more authentic life and genuine healing.

One major aspect in this? Processing grief.

In my own life, as I reeled from the results of my parents' decisions, grief has been a huge component, even since childhood.

Pity for ourselves (and it's love/ compassion) can be annoying but necessary steps in processing grief.

As my family likes to put it, we mourn.

We mourn for the lives we weren't given, for the relationships lost, for the consequences of actions, etc. This is especially true in abusive situations.

Feeling bad for ourselves-and the things we weren't given/that were taken away-is all a part of the process of dealing with the grief in our lives.

It's necessary to realize what we want, what we deserve, how we're hurt, what we've done wrong, and what's been done to us.

Perhaps the first step in moving forward

All of these reasons are valid when it comes to pity parties. But, perhaps the most important reason is the final one: it helps us move forward.

All of the above reasons culminate into this.

Our pity parties let us acknowledge wrongs and feel their pain, fight toxic positivity, feel more fully, and grieve so that we can heal and move forward.

If we fight it at the basic level, then we fight the arduous process of healing. And sometimes that arrives as crying in your alone in your car or to your friends/family.

We don't need to apologize for this.

Being human is hard, especially in this day and age. There is so much strife and divide. People are discouraged. We suffer hardship.

And as much as we want to belittle the pain of ourselves and others, sometimes a good old fashioned pity party is necessary in order to keep going, keep fighting.