Lingering Heart

Who do you think you are? Stepping into a life so pure, changing perspective and expecting more. We were just friends who help each other grow, and now you live in my head wanting me to love you forever more—breaking me down from light to shadow, making me hate to love and the things that follow. Hurting in doses like a disease in transit, loving someone else now feels like roaches on the carpet.

You pegged me as the villain, assumed I was wrong and lashed out because your insecurity made you think you were strong. I know what you are and who you have been, still, I can't help but love you, regardless of who I’m with. I feel so confused, hurt and in shambles, you feel like crying because I know I’m not meant to have you. I want that feeling that I can't stand, I want to fall again, and be with my man. I feel so broken because this notion cut me deep, seeing others happy as the PDA kills me, like chicken or sheep.

Insanity

Public outing makes it feel worse, couples share the love while I wish they shared scrubs. Such dark thoughts that I can't find why thinking of you can't ever leave my mind. I want to be with you but the memories won’t go away, of when we yelled and said worse things to our faces. Thought to be strong you wish I was the one, to marry and hold, while we adopt a little one. My brain is so messed up that I can't see that truth, no signs to look for when all I see is ruins.

You mean so much to me, even now that I moved on. I got no new lover because I’m unable to be strong, I find my own journey because I feel all of my choices have been wronged. Loving you was a journey, you made it hard to tell, I want you now because I’m afraid I won’t be wanted by anyone else. Never settle and explore life, as they say. Live your life and set your journey to sail.

The Madness

Still struggling to find out my purpose. Scared of people and the ones that know it. Keep the same routine with work and friends, knowing that someday they will all leave and I might be left in the end. Thoughts and fears drive me crazy because growing older make me feel as if life wasn’t real or meant for something. Want to make a good name for me, even if I don’t know how, want people to “love” me and share my positivity without being a clown. So much trust that’s hard for one to prove, when I have to care for myself, it becomes the most stressful thing to do.

Can decide on where life will go, dreaming if you’re worth it when my life doesn’t connect it. Do we really click or make the ballet, are we completely compatible and are we worth it? I have so much love to share that I forget to give to myself, I’m left questioning if all this pain and memory for you, is what they call love. Still, I feel I want you just so you can beam me up. Love me or hate me, I don’t know which, I can never hate you, even when you and I became toxic.

Love

Love hurts and I can't deny, how my brain thinks of you when I see lovers go by. I want that again, that feeling of love. Wanting each other but this time with more love. PDA is not my thing but I did it with you, always breaking me out of my comfort, that’s what got me to fall for you. The moment I have, to write this piece is to get these feelings out, to find some peace. I hope this helps someone, that May lost their way. To know they’re not alone, in this lingering heart that cant stay.