People, people, people. I'm shaking my head at this moment as I start this because it seems that every time I get an epiphany, I start to be more aware of it and then see many examples of it. In this case, it is that most people or terrible, horrible listeners. I mean, they don't even get out of their own head before they roll out of bed (I made a rhyme!). Communication is always 2 ways, no matter what anyone tells you. Verbal or nonverbal, someone is doing the "talking" and the other is doing the "listening" in any scenario. Seriously, think about it. It's not communication if there is nobody or nothing around to perceive your signals. Have you been in a conversation where it just feels like the other party cuts you off, talks over you, and no matter how many attempts you make to clarify your point, you end up feeling unheard? Well, you aren't crazy! You're just living in the society of instant gratification that is available on an individual level to every since person who owns a phone or computer with access to, pretty much anything they want.

Let’s play a game, it will be fun. The rules of the game are you must have an open mind, a great imagination, and not be afraid to dream big or crazy. Cell phones are not allowed and block out all unnecessary noise. For further comfort level you must be alone. Now here is how you play the game, you close your eyes and sit. Take five very deep breaths, rest, and continue sitting. After you take a moment open your eyes. Then write, type or think about if you could change your life right now what would you do? Money is no object because for this game you have all the money you need. Disabilities are not an issue nor is bad health. You don’t have to say “my life is perfect right now, or I have my significant other and my children”; this is not about that. Plus this is just for you and no one else. It’s also not about proving something or hookie pookie stuff, it’s just a game. You can visualize whatever you want to bring into fruition or not, it’s completely up to you because again it’s a game just for you.

I’ve recently started making a lot of changes in my life, and one of the most difficult changes I wanted to make was to make amends with people who hurt me and also who I hurt deeply. I wanted the first few months of this year to be about growth within myself and learning to let go of anger. My old psychologist always said that anger was a secondary emotion and for me personally, that’s incredibly true. Underneath my anger has always been uncontrollable emotional pain. It’s felt like time to let it go and heal the parts of myself I can heal on my own.

Without getting into the tedious details of what this story could possibly be about, let's just say for those out there going through a toxic relationship...drop it if you haven't done so already. Little background, 2015 I started talking to a guy who will remain unnamed. Fast forward five years later and once again broken up with the same dude. Keep in mind this guy has cheated, lied, never put the effort in like I did and was just selfish. (Cancers, gotta love em) But anyways moving on, throughout these five years, I've lost friends, my health declined, I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained to the point where I found myself only thinking about him. The true nature of the issue was my codependency that we both shared with one another, throughout the years we had both grown to love each other but it was clear that I was repeating a vicious cycle of toxicity that had been in my life since I was born. This man was someone I looked to in order to escape my own issues and he knew it. While he had his own life problems we still decided to stay together and work it out, even after the cheating and lying. (yeah...I know) So after two chances I finally decided to give him a final chance and to my surprise things were perfect, I was in love with this person as was he. But as our relationship goes, theres always something to come and ruin it. Now fast forward to February 2020, things were perfect we were going on dates, minimal arguing, we talked about the future. Then suddenly no word from him, a day later I get told that someone had told him all the people that I had been seeing while we were BROKEN UP! Now all I can do is laugh because even though I may not have been completely honest about what I had done, I told him the basics not details and kept it moving. Keep in mind this man had been lying to me a majority of the relationship so him trying to right his wrongs recently yeah was a great first step but was something he should've done before. Anywho, now I'm in the hot seat, telling him I never cheated even though I was talking to a guy about an issue I had in my relationship, it was never flirting or cheating, just a conversation. I found myself trying to fight and keep the relationship together even after his low blows and disrespect, until I thought. "WOW, the fucking audacity." This man really put me through hell and back and the first thing he hears about me I get this shit. The mere thought of me cheating or even talking to a guy was enough to "hurt" him and his ego. PFT not so fun when it's done back to someone who's toxic ways define who they are. So fast forward a week later and a few texts here and there, needless to say girl/boy/whatever you identify as, DROP THEM. It's not worth the stress, tears, and missed happy moments, misery loves company. Don't make yourself so accessible, summer 2020 is coming glow up, travel, go out and DO YOU cause I guarantee you they're not thinking about you sis. And for those who are in that post breakup phase, DO NOT text them, this is your sign, if they really cared they'd hit you up. There's a saying my grandma always told me in Spanish so I'll translate, (El que to quiere to busca) meaning the one that really loves you will look for YOU. Oh and if you're the toxic one in the relationship...just stay single thanks.

Making people feel good is like a compulsion for a lot of us. We have this urge to see to it that people we care for and even random strangers are happy and content all the time. Such selfless care for others is so heart-warming and it really does help you to feel better about the world.

There are those who think being a hard to get person is attractive. But the problem is, that only works as a first time solution or just hard core foreplay. Playing hard to get while trying to attract a sexual partner or a life long marriage partner is not all it is cracked up to be.

Forgiveness unraveled is a pretty simple concept, if we dare to take ourselves out of the equation. Too many times in life we share responsibility or we place blame on our own actions to help push forgiveness along. Fortunately, forgiveness comes with a mindset that actually releases and delivers someone from his/her part. Remember, happiness has to come from within. In order to truly forgive someone, you absolutely have to release the person from his/her responsibility to make you happy. It is not anyone else’s duty to make you happy regardless of the level of commitment placed on your relationship. Each of us has a personal obligation to seek our individual purpose on this earth. In most cases, it involves a life long journey made up of a daily search for hope and inner peace. When we choose to share our individual journeys with someone else, we open the door to hurt, to let downs and to disappointments- or what I love to call "Empty Promises". Especially when we are counting on another human being to make us happy. Can we experience joy, happiness and a life of commitment? Of course we can if we learn to take others out of that equation and remember that when people wrong us, forgiveness becomes a genuine part of life. Forgiveness does not mean we have to remain in a situation that is hurtful or not benefiting us. It means that we are responsible for our happiness each and everyday! Forgiveness is the key to releasing your own negative energy and replenishing the positive vibes that you keep your spirits high!

Soon my spiralling started to affect me at work too, but once again me being me just blamed it on mood swings. It wasn't until November 2019 when my Mum was given an appointment to sort her heart out, which had me over thinking everything and my spiralling at work got worse. A colleague suggested that I go to the doctors to see if they could help, whether it was therapy or antidepressants (she too believed I had depression). So one morning at work I rang the doctors and of course I had to tell my manager what was going on and what was going on in my head and such. This led to a complete breakdown and the urgency to get an appointment became apparent. Anyways, the doctor rang me back and made me an appointment for that afternoon. It made me feel better because even though I was still in denial that I had depression, I felt like I was going to get some answers. So, that afternoon my fiancé came to pick me up from work and drive me to the doctors. We went in, signed in and took our seats in the waiting room. My fiancé then went to move the car and about 30 seconds after he'd gone I was called in to the room.

How to make a woman fall in love with you.

Anyone familiar with heartbreak can agree that once trust is broken, it’s hard to forgive. As part of my journey to have better mental health, I’ve learned that people respond to trauma in different ways. Yet is it accurate to claim that people can only have one initial response towards a certain individual’s actions or a particular situation? While it’s common sense to know change is inevitable, many of us fail to accept or acknowledge a person’s changed behavior. For many of us to overlook the damage done we require people to adjust their demeanor accordingly. But what if we don’t physically have to see change in order to turn the other cheek? This isn’t to command anyone to forgive and condemn anyone who doesn’t. I would simply just like to raise awareness for healthy responses to emotional distress.