trying to make sense of what happened to you it’s not an easy thing to achieve. Because the narcissist is functioning on a completely warped level they take no responsibility for anything that they have done. I can’t stress enough that they do not see things the way we do. The only thing the narcissist understands is that they are the victim in every relationship. I found myself questioning my judgment and trying to make sense out of what was wrong with me and how I could’ve been so blind to this person‘s behavior. Because my narcissist was so good at what he did there was no way that I could believe that somebody was that messed up. He was an Academy award winner when it came to lying, Covering his tracks, embellishing and believing that his minimal accomplishments were outstanding. When you try to make sense of your relationship you have to divide into two parts. You have to look at the relationship from how you interpret it and then you have to look at the relationship how the narcissist manipulated the relationship. Trying to make sense of your behavior becomes difficult because of the humiliation factor. Many people that were in narcissistic relationships will have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together and breaking up. The reason why we do this is because we try to justify their agree just behavior because we can’t process a person could be this horrible and that’s why we go back to them. You have to go again remember everything that you are processing everything you were trying to work out everything you were trying to come to grips with never even once enters the narcissist mind. They do not spend one day thinking about us or missing us or regretting all of the horrible things they put us through. They have moved on and found their next victim to do everything to them that they have done to you everyone before you and it’ll always be everyone after you. You cannot think that you will change a narcissistic sociopath. They will never apologize, or tell you that they’ve made terrible mistakes and they are trying to work on being a better person. Once I realized that I could not make sense of his behavior that’s when I focused on understanding the disorder. The Only since you can make out of the situation is all about you and how you were feeling how you were behaving how you were acting and how you were processing the relationship. You must remember you cannot make sense out of insanity. The Narcissistic sociopath will never change. I call it “going on the diet of a lifetime.” You have to remove them from your life completely. When you suffer a Trumatic experience and that truly is what happened to us, it takes time to recover. As I stated in my first posting you must treat the abuser as someone who was tragically killed unexpectedly. Because they never truly existed, they set the stage to act out whatever it is they need to do to get whatever it is they want from you. It is difficult to confide with friends and family if they have not been a victim of narcissistic abuse. It takes time and unfortunately time can’t go by fast enough. We are heartbroken, at a complete loss, and often contemplate suicide because we can’t come to grips with what has happened to us. Please know that these are all emotions that I went through and felt to the deepest part of my soul. You cannot make sense as to why you feel so terribly but you do because you’re an empathetic caring soul. The narcissist feeds on the empathetic caring soul because that is the one that is going to open their heart and their wallet for this predator. I can’t tell you how many evenings and mornings that I woke up and he was the first thing I thought about. I just couldn’t make sense out of what was wrong with me and why I was feeling so horrible and why I couldn’t move on and why he just couldn’t give me closure. The narcissist does not have to give you closure because they did nothing wrong. I chose to share my journey because I realized that there’s not enough resources out there and there are hundreds and thousands of victims of these horrible people.

It was as if lightning struck the sand. It built, the electric current, and it burnt when it touched the ground. There was momentum; it was exciting, but it scorched. This is how we ignited.

Growing up I always had this ideal image in my head of what a family is, and isn't, the woman I thought I needed to be, as a wife, and a mom. I knew without a doubt what I did not want to become. I knew what kind of mother I would never be. I was adopted, and between the stories I have heard and the legal papers I have read, I have to take peace in that everything happens for a reason. As a teenager, my (adoptive) sister and I saw our mom struggle with life. Not in the sense of bad around every single corner, but literally life. Repeatedly, my sister and I would have to go to the store for bandages and gauze from another failed attempt of suicide. 17 attempts until the day I moved in with my grandparents because I refused to keep living in the nightmare. That was the first day of my senior year in high school.

Chapter 2

Her alarm clock goes off again for the third time as she tosses and turns in bed wide eyed. "Another day Angelina, another day for sure" she says, as she rolls out of bed. Releasing a halitosis-filled sigh and yawn. Angelina stares into the darkness of her dorm room, as 8 AM sunlight streaks through the lines of closed blinds resembling white thread on the floor. Angelina puts on her glasses signifying she is going to start her day. Stubbing her toe while making her way to the bathroom, she curses her vile words into the silence. "I need to sleep with lights on now?" she questions, as she examines her toe.

Look, let’s get straight to it. We don’t have enough time anymore. Between keeping up with the voting habits of celebrities and participating in the latest viral internet trends, there’s not a lot of room left for us to get to the bottom of a lot of really serious issues. Unless it’s compacted and served via drive-thru, there really isn’t any way to stay up to date on the inexcusable things people are getting up to in the world. Hence, I humbly present The Official 2020 Guide to All Things Annoying.

Goodbye. Yours, Eve.

Break-ups are awful. They’re full of immense pain and hurt for both parties involved. You might think it’s easier for one person, but it just looks like it because they’ve had more time to mentally and emotionally prepare for this moment. And it’s okay to not be okay, just like it’s okay for you ‘not being okay’ to be your new okay for a while. I’m told that it gets better, and whilst I’m still waiting for it to get better, I have my positive pants on that things will get better. But I’m also giving myself as much time as I need to heal. I’m not going to lie to you, I thought it would be quicker; but I’ve learnt over this past month that it’s a long and enduring process and I think I’ve finally embraced that. I don’t know if I’m allowed to plug my previous articles on here, but I wrote a very intimate blog post two weeks ago called ‘Grief’, if you would like to get more an insight into my thought processes and my experiences with grief .

We all know the “-splaining” slang - mansplaining, whitesplaining, straightsplaining, and so on.

Even after a life changing event, banalities creep back in. The bins still need to be put out, the fish still needs to be fed. Almost a year and a half ago we were told my son had cancer. I wasn’t able to think a day in advance and yet, got through it. You put one foot in front of the other and suddenly you’ve run a marathon, (we’re not quite there yet, still only half way though). I couldn’t have pictured myself anywhere but in the hospital, still our new normal has unfolded. Vita continuat.

If you are a self-motivator, a sports fan, or simply a Sylvester Stallone fan, then chances are that you've heard Rocky Balboa's speech that he gives his son in the 2006 film. (Need a refresher? Check out the movie scene above. A written transcript of the speech can be found here.) A motivational gem, it has helped carry me through everything from sporting competitions to traumatic life events. While sports and difficult life experiences go hand in hand with the theme of the speech, it doesn't take much to see how it can apply to another aspect of life: Dating. Here is why parts of this speech really stood out to me in my dating days and why it can be useful for you too.

I’ve recently started making a lot of changes in my life, and one of the most difficult changes I wanted to make was to make amends with people who hurt me and also who I hurt deeply. I wanted the first few months of this year to be about growth within myself and learning to let go of anger. My old psychologist always said that anger was a secondary emotion and for me personally, that’s incredibly true. Underneath my anger has always been uncontrollable emotional pain. It’s felt like time to let it go and heal the parts of myself I can heal on my own.

Without getting into the tedious details of what this story could possibly be about, let's just say for those out there going through a toxic relationship...drop it if you haven't done so already. Little background, 2015 I started talking to a guy who will remain unnamed. Fast forward five years later and once again broken up with the same dude. Keep in mind this guy has cheated, lied, never put the effort in like I did and was just selfish. (Cancers, gotta love em) But anyways moving on, throughout these five years, I've lost friends, my health declined, I was mentally, emotionally, and physically drained to the point where I found myself only thinking about him. The true nature of the issue was my codependency that we both shared with one another, throughout the years we had both grown to love each other but it was clear that I was repeating a vicious cycle of toxicity that had been in my life since I was born. This man was someone I looked to in order to escape my own issues and he knew it. While he had his own life problems we still decided to stay together and work it out, even after the cheating and lying. (yeah...I know) So after two chances I finally decided to give him a final chance and to my surprise things were perfect, I was in love with this person as was he. But as our relationship goes, theres always something to come and ruin it. Now fast forward to February 2020, things were perfect we were going on dates, minimal arguing, we talked about the future. Then suddenly no word from him, a day later I get told that someone had told him all the people that I had been seeing while we were BROKEN UP! Now all I can do is laugh because even though I may not have been completely honest about what I had done, I told him the basics not details and kept it moving. Keep in mind this man had been lying to me a majority of the relationship so him trying to right his wrongs recently yeah was a great first step but was something he should've done before. Anywho, now I'm in the hot seat, telling him I never cheated even though I was talking to a guy about an issue I had in my relationship, it was never flirting or cheating, just a conversation. I found myself trying to fight and keep the relationship together even after his low blows and disrespect, until I thought. "WOW, the fucking audacity." This man really put me through hell and back and the first thing he hears about me I get this shit. The mere thought of me cheating or even talking to a guy was enough to "hurt" him and his ego. PFT not so fun when it's done back to someone who's toxic ways define who they are. So fast forward a week later and a few texts here and there, needless to say girl/boy/whatever you identify as, DROP THEM. It's not worth the stress, tears, and missed happy moments, misery loves company. Don't make yourself so accessible, summer 2020 is coming glow up, travel, go out and DO YOU cause I guarantee you they're not thinking about you sis. And for those who are in that post breakup phase, DO NOT text them, this is your sign, if they really cared they'd hit you up. There's a saying my grandma always told me in Spanish so I'll translate, (El que to quiere to busca) meaning the one that really loves you will look for YOU. Oh and if you're the toxic one in the relationship...just stay single thanks.

trying to make sense of what happened to you it’s not an easy thing to achieve. Because the narcissist is functioning on a completely warped level they take no responsibility for anything that they have done. I can’t stress enough that they do not see things the way we do. The only thing the narcissist understands is that they are the victim in every relationship. I found myself questioning my judgment and trying to make sense out of what was wrong with me and how I could’ve been so blind to this person‘s behavior. Because my narcissist was so good at what he did there was no way that I could believe that somebody was that messed up. He was an Academy award winner when it came to lying, Covering his tracks, embellishing and believing that his minimal accomplishments were outstanding. When you try to make sense of your relationship you have to divide into two parts. You have to look at the relationship from how you interpret it and then you have to look at the relationship how the narcissist manipulated the relationship. Trying to make sense of your behavior becomes difficult because of the humiliation factor. Many people that were in narcissistic relationships will have a pattern of breaking up and getting back together and breaking up. The reason why we do this is because we try to justify their agree just behavior because we can’t process a person could be this horrible and that’s why we go back to them. You have to go again remember everything that you are processing everything you were trying to work out everything you were trying to come to grips with never even once enters the narcissist mind. They do not spend one day thinking about us or missing us or regretting all of the horrible things they put us through. They have moved on and found their next victim to do everything to them that they have done to you everyone before you and it’ll always be everyone after you. You cannot think that you will change a narcissistic sociopath. They will never apologize, or tell you that they’ve made terrible mistakes and they are trying to work on being a better person. Once I realized that I could not make sense of his behavior that’s when I focused on understanding the disorder. The Only since you can make out of the situation is all about you and how you were feeling how you were behaving how you were acting and how you were processing the relationship. You must remember you cannot make sense out of insanity. The Narcissistic sociopath will never change. I call it “going on the diet of a lifetime.” You have to remove them from your life completely. When you suffer a Trumatic experience and that truly is what happened to us, it takes time to recover. As I stated in my first posting you must treat the abuser as someone who was tragically killed unexpectedly. Because they never truly existed, they set the stage to act out whatever it is they need to do to get whatever it is they want from you. It is difficult to confide with friends and family if they have not been a victim of narcissistic abuse. It takes time and unfortunately time can’t go by fast enough. We are heartbroken, at a complete loss, and often contemplate suicide because we can’t come to grips with what has happened to us. Please know that these are all emotions that I went through and felt to the deepest part of my soul. You cannot make sense as to why you feel so terribly but you do because you’re an empathetic caring soul. The narcissist feeds on the empathetic caring soul because that is the one that is going to open their heart and their wallet for this predator. I can’t tell you how many evenings and mornings that I woke up and he was the first thing I thought about. I just couldn’t make sense out of what was wrong with me and why I was feeling so horrible and why I couldn’t move on and why he just couldn’t give me closure. The narcissist does not have to give you closure because they did nothing wrong. I chose to share my journey because I realized that there’s not enough resources out there and there are hundreds and thousands of victims of these horrible people.

I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks. Heartbreaks that taught me new lessons. Heartbreaks that changed me. Heartbreaks that remained in the back of my mind, even as I got to know new people. Heartbreaks that haunted me each night. Heartbreaks that I got over quickly. They are still heartbreaks, even if they don’t last as long as those that came before them or those that will arrive after.

Yes, I’m a survivor of a Narcissistic Sociopathic. I decided to share my story because it was unlike anything anyone could ever experience. I thought I would start with the basics; and understanding of how you are feeling if you are in a relationship, trying to get out of a relationship or have traveled the journey of breaking free.

Valentine's Day has passed and now you are heading towards other milestones such as birthdays, anniversaries and other special days that you wish you could be spending with your other half. It is hard to keep things exciting in a long-distance relationship - believe me! So, how do you mix things up when you can't actually go on a physical date together? Well, thanks to today’s technology you can get creative with romance and keep that spark alive no matter where you are in the world.

With Valentine’s day coming up it’s important to recognize one of the risks we take when dating and meeting people online with is falling victim to a romance scam. According to the FTC, in 2019 people reported losing $201 million to scammers who pretended to have a relationship with them in order to take advantage of them. If you’re using online dating apps or websites, you should be aware of the warning signs of romance scammers and how they trick people into sending them money.

Where do I begin?

Hey stranger,

The non-commitment in relations become common not only among those who are divorced but also among young people. The reason is the fear of repeating a failure in a relationship. In fact, such a reaction after a divorce is somewhat natural. But when a person spends many years in a relationship without commitment, it is worth seriously considering that this is not entirely normal. This is especially true among women since it is much easier for men to overcome this fear.

The Joy of D-Rated Movies!

Kias

Some moments in life are perfect, no filters required. This midwinter sunrise was one of those moments. For me, it wasn’t just a stunning sunrise that I captured on my mobile; it was also the most precious moment with my family. 

It has been a long time coming for me to finally find my community.

Here’s the thing. It isn’t a question of if we are friends or not. It’s whether you are ready to take responsibility and acknowledge what happened. I am and I have accepted what happened and healed. But, the thing is that if you want to be in my life you can’t pretend like nothing happened acting like we are all good. Like you didn’t hurt me and like it was all my fault because it wasn't and I think you know that deep down. It doesn’t work like that. I refuse to let it. I would love to be friends. But, I’m not willing to be friends or let you back into my life in any real sense until this happens. My life is here and my friends are here. I don’t need you. I can’t respect or have someone in my life who has wronged me and hurt me who can’t be mature and self aware enough to see their own faults and not to just disappear when things get hard or uncomfortable or they disagree. I've grown past the time in my life when I would accept that. I want more for myself and I owe it to myself to accept only what I deserve. For me, friendship is far more than that and my loyalty has always been there even when yours faltered.

It is estimated that most Americans are going to have around three good friends in life. These are people who hang out with each other and share experiences, but this relationship can be put in jeopardy if you move out of state. The following are a few tips to help keep your friendship intact.

Growing up I always had this ideal image in my head of what a family is, and isn't, the woman I thought I needed to be, as a wife, and a mom. I knew without a doubt what I did not want to become. I knew what kind of mother I would never be. I was adopted, and between the stories I have heard and the legal papers I have read, I have to take peace in that everything happens for a reason. As a teenager, my (adoptive) sister and I saw our mom struggle with life. Not in the sense of bad around every single corner, but literally life. Repeatedly, my sister and I would have to go to the store for bandages and gauze from another failed attempt of suicide. 17 attempts until the day I moved in with my grandparents because I refused to keep living in the nightmare. That was the first day of my senior year in high school.

Chapter 2

My 2019 was horrible, inside and out. Every aspect of it. I get to read my Facebook memories and just hate myself for having to go through everything I did. However, if I hadn't, I don't think I would have met the most amazing person in the world.

Girls Will Be GURLZ

I was watching one of my favourite television shows - Bad Girls - over the Easter long weekend. As always, I posted on social media about my favourite Bad Girls couple; talking about how much I love them and love that they finally get together! (It ended too long ago to worry about spoilers).

Being in a toxic relationship can feel like a living hell. You don’t know if you’re the crazy one or if they are.

What do I want in a partner? That's really a hard question that I struggle to answer. Honestly, I'm starting to think this is why all older people tell you to not get married until you're in your 30's, because you're still learning what you need and require in a partner. I'm assuming this based on the fact that I'm constantly figuring out and changing my opinion on what I require.

Christmas is a time of love and unity. Many of us give presents to show our love and appreciation to our loved ones. Yet, finding a great gift for your better half may not be as easy as you might think. You need to consider many factors. A gift that may be perfect for someone may not be that special for another. Everything comes down to one’s personality and the way of thinking.

Her alarm clock goes off again for the third time as she tosses and turns in bed wide eyed. "Another day Angelina, another day for sure" she says, as she rolls out of bed. Releasing a halitosis-filled sigh and yawn. Angelina stares into the darkness of her dorm room, as 8 AM sunlight streaks through the lines of closed blinds resembling white thread on the floor. Angelina puts on her glasses signifying she is going to start her day. Stubbing her toe while making her way to the bathroom, she curses her vile words into the silence. "I need to sleep with lights on now?" she questions, as she examines her toe.

Once upon a time, there lived a straight little Prince in a very cold Kingdom. In the only world he’s ever known, the little Prince lived in the Kingdom of Winter; the coldest, yet most beautiful realm out of all of the surrounding seasonal Empires.

These are two one-shots inspired by two different songs, Nu devant moi and Feuilles d'argent, feuilles d'or. One subject links them both: friends with benefits.

It was as if lightning struck the sand. It built, the electric current, and it burnt when it touched the ground. There was momentum; it was exciting, but it scorched. This is how we ignited.

When we are young, we all have different ideas about what it'll be like when we grow up and experience love for the first time. For some young people, they imagine it'll be like Disney movies; being swept off their feet like the princesses, being saved by a prince. We may talk to our friends and family about it, our parents may explain that feeling of 'puppy love,' how deep that feeling are like butterflies for the very first time. I remember my own imaginations as a young child. I have always been a bibliophile and because the world scared me, I would read books about the world to try and understand what the future could look like. From what I read, it seemed like being an adult and falling in love could be really beautiful. When I began to fall in love with the idea of love, I began to imagine who would tell me they loved me for the first time. I never expected it to be the person who did.

We had a coupon for 20% off the basic ceremony and had rolled into Reno to discover that the County Clerk’s office was open until midnight every night of the week. We forked over $45 and signed on the antiquated lines labeled Groom and Bride.

A wise person once told me, “ You cannot ask a person to be something that they don’t know how to be.” I may have said it in correctly but let me explain.

Self-dating is set to be the hot new trend iin self-love, self-development, and empowerment. Learning to treat yourself with the same love and care as your partner is just one of the many reasons why singles should consider self-dating.

Okay, I'm witnessing something and it's getting harder and harder for me to date. Maybe it's in my head, maybe this is really happening, I don't know at this point so bear with me, please. Now, I know what you're thinking in case you clicked on this and you started reading. You probably think I'm just another angry straight guy who has a vendetta against people that's part of the LGBT community but I'm not. I'm not angry at all.

It's 9 pm, I'm sitting in a hot tub overlooking fantastic highland vistas after a meal of seabass and sparkling wine and some chocolate covered strawberries. Tomorrow I'm going kayaking. Sounds like a the perfect romantic getaway right?

Before i begin this post, i want to state that I am myself guilty, of most of the points i'm going to raise. There is a considerable amount of judgement and negativity surrounding the use of social media, in partcicular it's rather unhealthy side effect of paranoia, insecurity & that cute turned psycho behaviour pattern [guilty guilty guilty]. However, I want to stress here how if utilised in the correct way, this attractive technology can bring about change [for the better] and influence society on a large scale, especially highlighting issues that affect the younger audience which we have recently witnessed with the UK election campaign.

Social media is a great tool to communicate and find interesting new people. However, many people make them the meaning of their lives. What if this is about your spouse and your marriage is on the verge of a divorce?

The Wedding: Two people in love, coming together. The idea of fairytale-esque true love manifesting itself for everyone to see; The symbol of everlasting happiness. It’s all over our culture, especially in the movies we create. Everyone has watched that romcom (you know the one) where someone asks the bride, “are you happy?” And she replies, tears building in her eyes... “yes.” Or that quintessential scene where some secondary character asks the reluctant lover, “do they make you happy?” But have we ever stopped to ask what these characters mean by the word “happy”?