My daughter is getting married! As I start to dream of helping her plan the wedding of her dreams by searching for a venue, cake tasting, florist shopping, and not to mention the fairy tale adventure of finding the perfect wedding dress among the long list of other responsibilities that accompany planning a wedding, I start to think back to the day I married her father.
Michelle had finally opened her eyes, she finally saw Chase's worth, and was FINALLY ready to put in the work for their relationship, but she was one second too late, and time wasn't on her side... simultaneously, Chase had given up the fight for their love for good, forever. However, Chase didn't wanna hurt Michelle. Her eyes were about to be wide open...she was about to experience the worst pain in her entire life. After all, how long did she think she would be able to go about love the way she did? Selfish, a spoiled mentality like the world owed her something... something that she wasn't even ready to reciprocate, because the first man in her life didn't show her love... her biological Dad. That's what she was ultimately searching for... she was a little girl trapped in an adult body looking for her Dad in every relationship... looking for love in all the wrong places.
Meeting someone who lives overseas wasn’t something that either of us expected. Both of us wanted to find our last love, and we also knew we wouldn’t settle just so we wouldn’t have to be alone. I made my desire known to the universe and took action. I was extremely determined, and at 55 years old, I knew I couldn’t wait much longer. It takes patience and trust when two people have an ocean between them. At first we didn’t spend too much time thinking about the logistics of how this would work; only that we wanted to spend as much time together as possible. We both agreed that love was more important than how far apart we were, and so we allowed our hearts to rule our heads. Not a bad thing in my opinion. Love comes first, and everything else will eventually fall into place.
Why is breaking up a family such hard pill to swallow? I was living my dream; traveling the world singing with some of the worlds biggest acts. He was finally being recognized for the great producer I always knew he was. I wasn’t the perfect wife. I said some hurtful things. He did some things that I still have to deal with. Infidelities and mean words had become a part of our day to day. But through it all, I never thought it would come to this. For me, it wasn't just one thing. The puzzle had so many pieces. I spent three years, waiting on someone to just "figure it out.” At his request, I stayed, and we started looking for a new place together as a sort of fresh start, or so I thought. In the midst of it all, I found out I was two months pregnant, bringing our family to a nice even number of four. It wasn’t until moving day that I found out my six year old and I were the only ones moving into the new place. He didn’t want to live together anymore. He didn't love me anymore. And although it sounds cliché, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was suddenly on my own, pregnant, in a new place with everything in boxes, and no one to help me. That day I thought my marriage was over—I thought my life was over. But little did I know, I would stay in limbo for another year and a half.
When I met him, I felt instantly attracted. That moment quickly faded, and then I felt angry. I knew that he know I had these newfound feelings for him. I knew that he knew and it just crushed me. Maybe he also knew that I was ruined for all other souls, including women. He knew he had pulled the rug right from under my feet. This is how I felt when I met him. There was a sudden shift, and my life has never been the same since.
As someone who has experienced, endured, and escaped an abusive relationship, I find myself having to still handle and confront the repercussions and aftermath of it, more than two years after it ended.