The Lazy Person’s Guide To Having A Good Rebound Relationship
Do it right and everyone exits the relationship unscathed.
You've found someone who you know is going to help you get over your ex.
There are feelings, sure, but you know this person isn't the one. They happen to be the one who is for right now, though.
And you want to have your rebound relationship without getting your feelings hurt. Or without inflicting any emotional damage on the other person, too.
Smart rebounding, right?
I've been the victim of bad rebounding, by the way. I've been the dupe who thought the other person was interested in me and wanted to date me in a legitimate setting.
I didn't know this was their rebound relationship.
It wasn't from being a naive dater, either. They did everything to make me think they were serious about me. They didn't do any of those classic rebound behaviors. This person even lied about their past relationship, claiming they didn't have an ex.
Yeah, I was that dupe.
It's ok to have a rebound relationship. If you want one, if you think it helps you heal, do what works for you. But do it in a way that doesn't give the other person false hope.
And not just for the other person, but for you, too. You're in a fragile state of mind and your emotions are raw. You don't want to get hurt, either.
For all your self-preservation, let me help you rebound the right way.
Defining good rebounds
Before we get started, it's important to establish what a "good" rebound relationship is. If you want to avoid getting hurt, you need to know what you're working towards.
We've designed this type of relationship to:
- Help you feel sexually satisfied
- Help you forget about your heartbreak
- Help you do everything fun that you feel like you've missed out on
- Help you through lonely moments
- Help you restore your faith in dating
What we're trying to avoid is a bad rebound. This would result in:
- You exiting the rebound relationship feeling worse than when you first entered it
- You leaving with double the breakup recovery to do
- You hurting someone in the process
- You walking away in any sort of regret for what happened
Don't introduce them to your friends
When your friends become invested in your partner, it's doubly hard to walk away. Considering this is a short-term proposition in your mind, you have to treat it that way.
Adding friends into the mix does the opposite; they help cement it as a long-term commitment.
That's a line you shouldn't cross because there is no turning back when you do.
For them (the other person):
Way to confuse them about your intentions, right?.
Introducing this person to your friends and family symbolizes you care about them and that you want them in your life. If it's short-term, that isn't the case.
Avoid sending mixed signals at all costs.
Don't let them into your bed
You have to sleep in your bed every night. It's your sanctuary and it's best to make an active effort to keep it that way.
Rebounds are short, wonderful, yet often forgettable romances. I stress, forgettable.
If you conduct your rebounding sexcapades in a space you are in all the time, you start associating the two together.
You can easily develop an emotional memory for the space with someone you want to forget.
There is an argument to say that sleeping with someone in your bedroom, where you slept with your ex, can re-write the painful memories. Whilst that's true, think about the other person.
You don't want them becoming attached to you in your space. And they don't want that for themselves either.
Stick to neutral territory. It's a win-win for both sides.
Don't go on traditional dates
Going to a movie. Going out for a romantic dinner. A quiet picnic alone in a romantic spot. All traditional and all bad news.
Traditional dates lead to traditional dating. You're putting it out there that you're treating this like it's romance.
To keep this as just a rebound, the traditional dating rules don't apply.
If they've never been in a rebound relationship before, this will feel strange for them. Strange is good. Strange means they aren't expecting the next date.
Or, as you hope, expect any commitment from you at all.
Discuss nothing more about events a week in advance
If you don't entertain anything further than a week away, it shows your lack of commitment to them.
Couples, serious, genuine couples make long-term plans.
Rebounds and flings only make short, at the moment, plans with each other.
It's not to keep them on their toes, so to speak, or make them feel less wanted. But planning something with them a month in advance sends the wrong message.
You might have guessed; that's the objective here. Avoid acting misleading.
Your rebound doesn't start making plans to include you in their life. It's a protection for them.
A rebound should always have the option to bail out of this relationship should they want to. If they don't feel locked into you, they can explore romance options freely.
And if you're just using them for a rebound, you should want them to pursue happiness if it comes their way.
You can't be entirely selfish in this process.
Don't put them in your photos
I can't begrudge you a memory of a past lover. But this isn't one of those types of romances you document on social media or get framed for your bedroom wall.
If you want this fling to be short, effective, and forgettable in the long run, don't take pictures with them.
It's a keepsake that might come back to bite you.
It's another signal that sends the wrong message. But instead of it being a message they can misinterpret, it's there for life. It's a picture, you can't un-take it with them.
There's no mistaking this action.
Rebound with someone without mutual connections
Keeping it outside your family of friends and connections ensures you can have your short romance and never see them again.
I've always been wary even of social media, especially Facebook, where we tag people in pictures. When this happens, everyone can see who's been socializing with who.
When this happens, you sharply realize can't escape people, for all your trying. You're connected to them for life.
They can't escape you either. If the rebound doesn't go to plan, they can't seem to get away.
Allow the pathway clean for both parties to exit without ever having to contact each other again.
Talk to your rebound
Here's a concept most people in rebound relationships don't even want to entertain. An agreement.
It's two people mutually deciding to engage in a rebound relationship, with rules in place for each other to get what they need.
With conversation, you don't have to worry about yourself. And you don't have to worry about them. Everyone knows the rules and knows what they're in for.
Let's face it; this list can seem like a list of games to play with some poor unsuspecting person who doesn't know they're a rebound. Games and rules all suck in relationships. They don't help anyone. Everyone loses. There are no winners.
Why not exercise a little honesty? Instead of "will you go out with me?", change it to "will you be my rebound?"
What's the worse thing that happens? They say no. That's a far better conversation to have compared to the breakup conversation. I'll take a simple rejection over breaking hearts any day.
Good luck with your rebounding. I'm here for you.
About the Creator
Ellen "Jelly" McRae
Writes about romanceships (romance + relationships) | Loves to talk about behind the scenes of being a solopreneur on The Frolics | Writes 1 Lovelock Drive | Discover everything I do and share here: www.ellenjellymcrae.com
Excellent work. Looking forward to reading more!
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These are amazing tips and advice! I love the one about not allowing association of a forgettable rebound with your unforgettable sanctuary. That is such a good point, and one I hadn’t previously thought of!
An interesting conversation point. I don't know about most people, but for me the problem is that my relationships have never been rebound relationships. I've never had anything more than a one-night-stand as a rebound, and as a result all of your speaking points were met. However, I have gone into what I expected to be strong, long term relationships that ended without Mrs. Right actually resolving beyond the Mrs. Right now stage. In fact, my fiancée is a relationship that I had 3 almost 4 years ago, and I moved on and got involved with others. Even in those, my intentions were aimed for the highest ideals. I wanted forever with two of them at the time, but other issues arose that stole those feelings. Now I will admit, that the way I feel about the ex who is now my wife-to-be played some part in my willingness to let go of the others, but I feel (Maybe naively) that had those issues not arisen (One, for example, was an extreme narcissist, another turned out to be a pathological liar, and the third was, for lack of better terms, an emotional abuser). None of them compared to this amazing woman I am with now, and all of them feel that they were just rebounds but they weren't. I don't know exactly what I'm trying to say here... maybe I'm just looking for any insight you have into this circumstance. I did enjoy your writing. :D Gave me war fuzzies. :D