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From Darkness to Light

by Jonathan Goodman about a year ago in love

Finding love in the wake of failure

When I sat down to think about what my next article would entail, I drew a colossal blank. I racked my brain trying to find something that I know I can talk about from experience.

This evening I was inspired to, in a way follow up with my first article that I titled “Seize The Day.” I want to focus on the relationship aspect of my life over the last couple of decades.

One of my character flaws is that I lack self confidence. I have always struggled to believe that I have self worth. Because of this I was shy, quiet, and awkward. As you can imagine because of this my love life as a teenager was non existent.

I was also very easy when it came to falling for women. I was loyal, I was attentive and I was often left holding the bag once I was no longer interesting.

One thing that you may or may not already know about me is that I have been married three times. It was not the way I saw my life and it is not a point of pride for me. It’s the product of poor decisions and that lack of self confidence that brought me to this point.

After my second marriage went down in a ball of atomic fire my dependence on alcohol was in its darkest stages. I was drunk more than I was sober. I barely functioned at work and it was getting to a point of no return.

One day as I was working Amanda came into the store to shop for her mother and grandmother. I had known her since she was thirteen and a friend of my little sister.

She recognized me and said hello. I managed a mumble even as the hangover persisted. That was the extent of that exchange.

Afterward she made it a point to “shop” on a regular basis. Each time she got little response. Then one night while I sat alone drinking she got in touch with me.

For the next two hours we talked. She was easy to talk to and she listened to me vent about my pain. Those talks became more frequent and we fell in love.

Our relationship was not smooth. We married in April of 2017 and we were both still drinking. She tried to quit but I didn’t make it easy and after seven months she relapsed.I became extremely ill and after we finally put down the bottle I went into liver failure.

Amanda was unfazed. She calmly stayed by my side even as she was told to tell her still new husband goodbye. Her faith held the line and slowly I recovered. When I couldn’t stand up on my own she used every ounce of strength in her 120lb body to help me up and walk with me.

Two years after that time we are sober still. Amanda is my rock. She refuses to give up even when it looks bleak. When I am attacked, she draws her sword. She is loving by nature and a fury when she is crossed.

From darkness and pain I won a wife, when I was undeserving of love, she gave me her heart. There are no words that I can come up with to describe what she means to me.

Is this article a little sappy? Sure, but we all need a little sap once in awhile. Life is tough, we all fall down. But if we have someone who is willing to pick us up we find the strength to keep going.

love

Jonathan Goodman

My name is Jonathan. I am a middle aged man with a lot of stories and thoughts. Whether it be humor or philosophical, I look forward to sharing those stories and thoughts with you.

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