It had been two days since she came back. Grandma Mary was sad, but happy to see her granddaughter. Michelle herself seemed a little out of it, mostly thanks to the news Ashlynn and Victor dropped on her. The whole reason she had moved was because she did not think she would be able to stand seeing Victor and Ashlynn together. She had even had a job offer with the local newspaper that she was going to take so her and Victor could stay together after they graduated.
The Meaning of Forever
Forever is the endless, eternal now moment. Forever is now, was the now that was then, and forever is the now that will be. There is never a moment where forever is somehow gone or ends; it is perpetually here and it is perpetually now. When the one you love confesses their love for you and the two of you agree to love each other forever, it can almost seem like a great lie as you look back and reflect on the relationship now so very distant. After a failed forever love, "forever" takes on a meaning of betrayal and seems to hold no real weight. But I'd like to introduce you to the refreshing truth or at least what I know to be true for myself and my life.
We met at a mutual friend’s house for a birthday party, and I was engaged to someone else, that was in 2007, I was 21 and he was 46 at the time of the first meeting.... Did not think anything would ever come of it I went my way, and he went his. I left the man I was going to marry before I did marry him. I moved back home and helped take care of my two nieces. Got a job at a restaurant as a cook in 2009 and he would come in to eat. It was almost every day and we became friends not knowing we knew each other already. We started hanging out and he told me that he had a son on the way and that he already had two daughters. Which was fine with me I did not want a relationship at the time, and people kept warring me about him that he had a crazy ex that he was still involved with. Well then in 2012 he told me that he was getting married to his crazy ex and I told him would not last a year. Well I was right 9 months later I got a call saying he was leaving her. Well he tried to give it another chance and they moved back to his hometown in West Virginia and that did not work. So, he came back to North Carolina and had his oldest daughter go back to her mother and his son go back to his mother because he was unstable at the time. On September 3, 2013 he moved in with me and my family and we started a relationship. Within a month I got pregnant and lost it, then we moved out into our own home March of 2014. By July of 2014 I found out that I was pregnant again and kept it hush hush until the end of my first trimester to be on the safe side. Well in November we found out it was going to be a little boy, and the pregnancy was going good at least that is what I thought we were due at the end of March 2015. Well our little man came into this world on February 19, 2015 at a whooping 3lbs 9oz and 15 inches long he was in NICU for 12 days he came home on my birthday March 3, 2015 at 4lbs even. Then I got pregnant again in January 2018 during a winter storm.... We found out it was a little girl and on October 17, 2018 we had a healthy 7lbs 11oz 20 inches long baby girl. I had some complications with delivery, but she was fine. On our 5th year anniversary of dating he asked me to marry him and I said yes and a year and a month later I walked down the aisle to my best friend and soulmate and said I do. In April of 2019 we lost one of his daughters that was 16 and her little brother which was 7 at the time. We have been through so much in the past 7 years and will to go through so much more in the years to come. He has showed me what true love is and how to become an amazing woman. SO, when I say we are strong, and no one will come between us I meant that. He is my world, and I am his. Our children and him are my motivation every year, month, day, hour and second. He pushes me when I do not want to push myself and he always wants what is best… He is truly, utterly amazing……
I lived a life of lack. Everyday something else broke down, another bill collector materialized out of nowhere with their threatening letters and stress and worry. People left my life and never looked back. I felt alone, sad, unloved, abandoned.
Teenage relationships are often romanticized, not by teenagers, but mostly by adults. It is also funny how adults will either romanticized or criticized the pure love that teenagers experience. If you grew up/ growing up in an Asian household, like I unfortunately did, it was/will truly be a blessing and a curse.
October 29, 2020
Several things are new. First off, my excitement for life again as this cold weather comes in. I have a lot of people reading my blogs, well more like a handful, but that is exciting to me none the less. My hair had a transformation (I cut it short and dyed it a nice fall color). Also, my boyfriend and I after a quick Austin trip this weekend just feel all around better. I feel like we are both in love again, or not again but like we got over a hurdle together in our relationship. Lately there had been a lot of up and constant downs, so it feels like we really surpassed a great big obstacle and things feel okay again. Happy again.
Does it have to be this hard? Are we making it harder than it has to be? Why does being so far apart cause so much stress? How will we make it? What can we do to make this work?
At one night while working at my job as a pianist at a local restaurant, a stranger approached me. He made a request to play a specific song. There was a moment between us that was both awkward and electrifying. He walked away as I played the song. Later in the night, while I was on my break, he approached me. His hand reached out to me, silently asking me to dance. My hand clasped his, as he led me to the dance floor. He twirled me and held me close. I could feel his breath next to my cheek, whispering to me. The heat began to rise in our bodies as we danced. He breathed, "What is your name?" I smattered, "My name is Elena. I need to get back to work." He smiled, and a dimple appeared as he said, "That's a beautiful name you have. But I have no wish to have you leave so soon. They will be fine without you for a while. You get at least a 30 minute break, don’t you?” And instead of releasing me, he merely smiled, and pulled me closer. I couldn't think. My mind is blank but filled with wonder. His eyes were filled with curiosity, and twinkled with promises and mischief. His head leaned in close to mine for, what I thought might be a kiss, but he stopped as he stared at my eyes. Suddenly the room seemed to go silent, and the world fell away, as if we were the only two people left in the room.
Four years ago today, I walked into a five star Mayfair hotel in London. My life was about to change forever. I was about to meet the person who would teach me the power of the universe, the law of attraction and the art of visualisation.
These days, the most abused word is not "Love", but "Friend." That is what Dio learned this year. And what made it more unfortunate is that she learned it from him.
Imagine waking up, you wash your face and shower. You see the face of your partner and she has a depressing yet hopeful face. It’s a day that usually is filled with rest and self care, but today things are a little different-The usual routine is off but why? Feelings are being misconstrued along with a three year old running mad. Now before I go into the story, you should know self-care Sunday is a tradition started with my new fiancé and stepson. He really is not involved with the process, but he at least knows what is happening every Sunday. We spend the morning cleaning, washing our linen, playing outside-then towards the evening we wear mask and do cleansing of the body from head to toe. It is really an experience....but today things are out of whack and as I overthink-this time it is not my fault-how could it be I just woke up. Usually in the am, I am welcomed by even a simple morning kiss, but the tension began to build making my anxiety go crazy and distort the truth far from what it was. Before I literally get to point of breaking down mentally everything that might have pissed her off prior to that morning like farting in the bed or missing an important date. There was such a smooth vibe usually on this day and for the love of me I needed Sherlock Holmes to crack this case. I thought what could make her face turn like this and be so cold to me, but I realized that I could also talk to her, so I did. The whole time I had been feeling bad, it was because of that dreadful time of the darn month. Now most people would say well why didn’t you do that before, I will tell you why. Most guys know most women only voluntarily tell you about their periods only when it’s in their favor. It has ruined much of my relationship honestly and I wish women could eradicate them sooner than later. To every man out there taking on the task of loving a woman right, commend them for dealing with such a dreadful curse. Let’s just say this self-care Sunday hasn’t been on the usual routine, but it’s what I signed up for. Keys to staying on her good side so far is by focusing on me, but trust me every partnership has it’s up and downs. She will come around after this shameful week, but it will be like every week with a new task. I have somehow survived to the evening time with a warm meal in my belly, but tension still builds and there is just a sadness over the house, it can be felt. Tears begin to fall down my eyes as I know that this may not be the only thing hindering our relationship except for self care Sunday. I don’t know where my nights may lead me, but tonight it definitely led to a joint and some brown. I put myself in a mind state that is unhealthy so I meditate to recall everything I am grateful for as I look into this bloody shame on her face. I only pray and hope for the best, but deep down I say to myself “I love her” no matter how angry she gets with me. All I can do is put it in God’s hands. For now, I am enjoying this Sunday with my stepson and he is literally a vibe booster in himself. Stay tuned for the rest of the saga next week..... Thanks for tuning in.
I wake up in bed and look over at the alarm clock to see it reading 6 am, I stretch my arms over my head before rolling over to find I am alone.