Six years ago I met a guy who set my entire being on fire. I’m a preacher’s kid, so up until college I had never really experienced much other than drunken theatre party kissing, and I was too self-conscious and inexperienced to do anything about my raging sexual desires (it's always the quiet ones I’m telling you). I’d had crushes, child-like obsessions, but never had I experienced a mental and physical awakening than I did when I met him. Something in the way he looked at me, spoke to me, hell, the sheer fact that he wanted me made me both excited and terrified. Most of all, it made me addicted to him. I wanted him, I wanted his brain, I wanted his conversations, I wanted his laugh, I wanted his smile, I wanted his love. The sad part about it was, he was broken. Recently shattered and shut down to anything other than sexual desires, things that I was too nervous and not at all versed or confident in. I wanted time, he wanted action. He also wanted my friend, newly met as well, also recently broken, well versed in her sexual desires. They clicked at a speed that I could not keep up, nor was I at all happy about. It became a silent battle between me and her, frenemies to the tenth power. Passive-aggressive conversations, silent glaring, a battle of wills as we fought over his attention. Secret nights in the study room, slowly opening myself up to him mentally and physically in the hopes that he would choose me, that he was patient enough to work with me on my fears and my nervousness. Hope that he would take care of my body like he said he would via text, or the late nights when it was just us. It wasn’t enough. He chose her and I found out via Snapchat from a party that I wasn’t even invited to (we had the same friend group mind you). I was shattered. I had fallen for him in the time I was fighting for him, and seeing him hold her, kiss her the way I wanted him to hold me, it hurt more than anything I can remember. The very guy who told me he didn’t want a relationship, the very guy who took my virginity, asked her to be his girlfriend just days later.