Being the youngest of 7, I have seen my share of bad marriage in my family. My parents got divorced when I was 3, then my father passed away when I was 7 and my Mother remarried back when I was approximately 3 or 4 and that marriage ended when I was around 12 but they also were on and off for several years prior to my stepfather’s death in the 80’s. So my first images of marriage were very dysfunctional.

We had a coupon for 20% off the basic ceremony and had rolled into Reno to discover that the County Clerk’s office was open until midnight every night of the week. We forked over $45 and signed on the antiquated lines labeled Groom and Bride.

A wise person once told me, “ You cannot ask a person to be something that they don’t know how to be.” I may have said it in correctly but let me explain.

Personality in personal relationships

Marriage is complicated, and I’ll tell you why. It's because there are no written words, describing the feelings that bring two people together its not an easy task. It doesn't matter whether it’s a same-sex couple or a heterosexual couple; what matters is not the two individuals who are involved in a marriage, but what goes on between those two people, and not just sexually speaking. Those two people have to express feelings which can’t be put down into words, or voiced even - it all comes down to actions. How else can you tell someone you love them, if not through your actions? Words may come easy, and writing them on paper may be just as easy, but to actually show someone what’s in your heart...that is what's truly amazing. As they say, "It's easier said than done" after all, isn't it? 

Sure enough you have friends, the kind you’d cut off your arm for, but you wouldn’t marry. You have friends you’d die for, and yet you wouldn’t marry them. You have friends you’d sleep with, but you still wouldn’t marry them. The reason is that something is missing, that indescribable feeling which you can't express through words is not there.

I hear people say after a few dates that they're ready to take the relationship to the next level, which is marriage. But marriage is about having that feeling in your heart which you are not able to describe with words. It's something that goes beyond what you feel for your very best friend, it is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Of course, I also believe that your spouse should be a friend first, because marriage is an extension of that relationship - it goes further, and it has to be the same for both of you. 

You are two different people and you both have this indescribable feeling in your heart that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, even if that feeling is fleeting. When you do get married, you have to make compromises, but that doesn’t mean you lose yourself into that other person’s world. If that happens, then you spend all your time feeling miserable and questioning how you got to that point. 

Marriage is also about trying to bring two minds together, which in itself can be complicated, because naturally every person is unique. That uniqueness makes each person special, and when you meet someone and eventually decide to marry into that uniqueness, you are put to the test. How true can you be to yourself if you give away your uniqueness?

These days, especially young people get into marriages that their friends and family deem to be wrong. But the truth is that no one except the spouses themselves know, nobody can look into their hearts to see if the love is real and if the wedding was but just a impulsive decision. You would have to look at someone's actions to form an opinion. While the heart gives that indescribable feeling, it’s the mind that keeps one grounded.

So, what makes it so hard to get over a failed marriage is feeling that whatever led you to get married in the first place is broken and can’t be fixed by your heart alone. You need the help of your mind to show you the way, because it's hard to let go of that feeling. It’s a powerful feeling, especially when marriage is involved. Marriages end for so many reasons these days, it's hard to keep up with all of them, but if you both still have that same feeling you had when you decided to wed, that feeling that can’t be described, then don’t throw in the towel just yet. Too many married people these days give up too easily without putting up a fight, they don't even try to salvage their relationship. They see it as a disposable tool that, when it breaks or is no longer needed, can simply be discarded and perhaps replaced. 

I’m married, and my spouse and I had to fight for each other and our love every inch of the way. If it hadn't been for that indescribable feeling in our hearts, we would have never made it. We fought tooth and nail to learn to compromise without losing ourselves in each other. Marriage doesn’t mean you’re not going to argue or get fed up. It means that, if you want it to work, you need to realize at some point that the reason why you decided to get married is still relevant. You have to calm down and get rational, and remember that nothing should be settled until then. Because making any decisions based on your instincts, when you’re upset, is never a good move. 

If your marriage is easy, and you both are just going with the flow, then you’re both flowing nowhere. You have got to row that boat - you can’t just let it drift along.

If you’re married, or if you're thinking about getting married, make sure you’re getting the actions you need from your other half; make sure you're doing those actions yourself. But, most importantly, make sure your heart is taking you to a place words cannot describe.

In my next blog, I’ll surprise you.

Blogs:
Retirementanddogs.blog
Uniquethings.blog
A Liar: Your Heart
Open Relationships Sound Good, But…
Cheaters: A Dime, A Dozen
Love After Being Cheated On
Breaking Up: A Heart and Mind Struggle
Dating After Cheating
Sex and Money: A Vulnerable Conversation 
Breaking Out After The Breakup
Surviving The Art of Cheating
The Art of Cheating



Joy left her weekly appointment a little more worried than normal. Dr. Colin always left her with promising words, but today as she left, he seemed distracted by her folder. She saw the nurse and the technician writing rapidly, and heard them talking outside of her room's door. She tried to think nothing of it, the clinic was abnormally busy today which must've made the employees overwhelmed.

Here we go

Disclaimer: I have only been married for six years and I still have a lot to learn, however I would like to share with you ten things that I believe will help you set your marriage up for success in the long-term. Here goes:

what can I say about my beautiful wife Melissa? She’s the love of my life. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. I absolutely love being around her. She means everything to me. I don’t know if she knows how beautiful I think she is. I’ve always thought she was beautiful. She’s fun to be around. I just don’t know what I’d do without her. I miss her when she’s not around. She loves Anything Disney. She loves sunflowers and dachshunds. She loves coloring. She loves to travel. Sometimes she likes to listen to music in the morning when she’s getting ready for the day. She loves singing along to her favorite songs on the radio. I just always enjoy spending time with her. I think she’s so amazing. I fall in love with her more and more every day. We’ve had our ups and downs. But for the most part our relationship has been pretty good. She’s made me into a better man. She always tells the truth for the most part. She always second guesses herself. I always tell her not to. I’ve always tried my best to support her in everything she does. I love everything about her. There’s nothing I would change about her. I just hope she knows how much I love her. We’ve been together for over nine years. I’ve known her for almost twenty years. I’ve been madly in love with her ever since I first laid eyes on her. She always doubts herself. She always asks me how she looks. I always tell her she looks beautiful. Even if she doesn’t think so. She always trys to look her best. She always looks her best. We don’t always see eye to eye. There’s been times when I thought about giving up on her. But I always realize how much she really means to me. I know I’m my heart that she’s my soulmate. I haven’t always been the best husband towards her. I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I’ve hurt her numerous times. But I’ve put my past behind me now. I’m doing everything I can to prove to her that I’m a better man. I’ve changed my ways. She deserves the best. I really want to give her everything her heart desires. I would do anything and everything for her. I want to prove to her and everyone else that I’m a better husband. That I would never ever hurt her again. I swear on my life. I honestly hope she knows that this is the truth. I bet my life on it. She’s always been there for me. She’s the first thing that’s on my mind when I wake up. The last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. I miss sleeping next to her. I usually hold her at night when I sleep. I miss waking up next to her. I would always kiss her forehead when I’d wake up before her. I miss holding her hand. I would always hold her hand anytime we walk around the mall or wherever we’d go. I was always proud to show her off. I remember when I didn’t like public display of affection. Now I just miss it. I would even hold her hand while I was driving. I’d always kiss her hand before I let go. I miss giving her massages. I would always give her a massage right before bed. She would usually play games on her phone or watch something. I miss holding her in my arms. I miss kissing her soft lips. I miss looking deep into her eyes. I don’t really like making eye contact either. But I always love looking into her eyes. I could see my future in her eyes. I miss her smile. She has a beautiful smile. One that could light up a whole room. I miss her laugh. It’s a cute laugh. But most of of all I just really miss her. It’s killing me inside not being able to see her everyday. I just really want to make things work between us. I love her with every beat of my heart. I will love her until I take my very last breath. I know it’s hard for her to see how much I’ve changed. I’ve lied so many times. I wasn’t man enough then to make things right. This time is different. I’ve been hard at work improving myself. I’m going to get my first book published soon. I just want to give her a better life then she has now. She works so hard for everything. I just want to show her how a real man is supposed to treat his woman. I would make sure she has everything she needs. I would pay all the bills. I would give her everything she could ever want and more. I would go to hell and back just to prove my love to her. I just hope it will be enough for her. I mean everything I say. She’s the only woman I want to be with. When I married her I made a promise to always love and support her. To be there for her no matter what happens. I take my vows seriously. I hope that she sees that one day. I hope she sees just how much things will change and be different this time. I honestly want the very best for her. She deserves it. I really want to go to spend more time with her. I’d love to go to Disneyworld again. We had so much fun there. I would go anywhere in the world with her. She’s the best wife a man could ask for. She is really amazing. I just hope she knows that. Because it’s the truth. I want the whole world to see just how much I love her. I’m proud to call her my wife. I love you Melissa. I know it may be hard for her to see how much I love her. Because of everything that’s happened in the past. Things aren’t always going to be easy. If you really want something in life you have to work hard for it. You also have to wait hard to keep it once you get it too. Because if you don’t then someone else will. I don’t want that to be the case. I want to make sure that things work out for the very best. Some people think I’m wasting time being with her. But I know that I’m meant to be with her forever. Hopefully you enjoy reading about my beautiful and amazing wife.

I, stood nervously, before walking down the aisle with my grandad on my side. As I waited, I could see my man and he looked so handsome. I knew he was anxious because of his smile. He had this look in his eyes that let me know his heart was racing. I can’t lie I was shitting myself, I kept thinking I’m going to fall over my dress. However, I Happily made it down the aisle with no humiliations.

So I am a divorced mother of a teenage daughter and I don't know what the hell I am doing with my life. I left home at 18 with the entire world within my reach or so I thought. I went to college and met who I thought was the man of my dreams! He was 7 years my senior and simply put, FINE AS HELL! Which is an absolute weakness of mine. We had a whirlwind romance and became inseparable. People would even say we looked and talked alike. He had just gotten out of the military and was about to graduate and after he did, moved me to his hometown.