Marriage. It can be such a wonderful thing. If it's meant to be, it's mean to be. Right? Well this will go into a few points of why I feel like my marriage is over and done. Sit back and enjoy! Giggle along with me as I tell you all about my story and life today.
Have you ever met someone so beautiful, that you have no other word to describe them? Un-romantically I met him on Tinder. At first, I was super sceptical of him, throwing all sorts of curveballs at him to test the waters. But after a couple of weeks of messages and video calls, I knew I needed this person in my life. The care and love he had for me right from the start was something I had never experienced, and I ate it up happily.
Finally, we were on even ground and grown-up!
It has been three years since they both parted ways after what seemed like an eternity. The distance was decent but when feelings are heavy everything drags.
What we can mourn more than an actual person, is the loss of what we thought could be with them. I had a long distance boyfriend years ago. I loved him SO MUCH. We spent HOURS—literal hours—fantasizing about our future life. What we would do, how we would spend our afternoons, what evenings would be like with our kids, the cars we'd drive, the house we'd live in, the sex we'd have, the vacations we'd take, to who would check us in at the airport and how cute we would be with our travel gear. I spent SO MUCH TIME in this make believe world I had created with him, that I don't think I even saw my reality. And here was the reality in this specific case; he wouldn't be done medical school for YEARS to come, wouldn't marry me because of religious differences, we would never live together, never mind have children, or travel to all the destinations we talked about. The reality was, we also fought—a lot. DAILY. And we'd argue over the kids we didn't even have. The marriage we hadn't even consumated yet.
I had a friend who I loved and trusted very dearly. I feel like we all have had that kind of friend many, many, many times. And it usually ends the same. Something breaks that bond, that loyalty, and you're left with nothing but some anxiety for the next one to come.
There's no falling, only fallen. When you know, you're already there. The realization, the clarity, the awareness; it all comes after when it's too late.
I can’t love anyone after you. It’s weird because I feel completely ready to move on. No, I don’t just feel ready to move on, I know that I am ready. There have been numerous guys after you, and I doubt there will be any less any time soon. So why can’t I love anyone after you? Good question, because I don’t actually know.
Let's start with a big fact: world population—7.7 billion humans.
Typical "almost" relationship. We met at one of the places I have worked at. We maintained a professional relationship at work and a better friendship on a personal level.
GHOST STORY: AFTON PLACE, PART 1
I’m slowing it down. Trying, so hard to write what I could never find the words to say. My chest is burning, heavy and all I want to do is smash my fist into something—anything, regardless of splitting bone. Tearing skin, scoring flesh—it never bleeds enough to let this bitterness seep out of my veins. You may as well try scoring into concrete. I don’t feel anything anymore, even if my body seems delicate and easily broken, I don’t flinch. And it’s because of you all.