I don't really know what else to do except write. So here's my heart. It's broken real bad, but I'm going to try and let words fill the gaps. This is documenting heartbreak; no edits, no revisions, just raw truth and hurt.
I still think about you from time to time, though I did delete your number from my phone to remove the temptation to text you. Which sucks, but there's Facebook that helps me keep in contact with you. I still think about our last time hanging out sometimes. Last time was the 2nd time I ran to you when I was in trouble emotionally and also mentally. Which, both times that ended poorly.
I miss the invisible. I miss what can't be seen and never really could be seen. It's something that was or is a part of all of us. A link to your past and evidence of your innocence and your honour; depending on your values. I miss my virginity. And even now I'm not sure if it is really that that I miss. Maybe it's the things that come with it that I miss or maybe I just miss the girl I was before I knew about loving and desire.
Yeah... This is what you think it is. My 'Man' had a 'Man'. One of the First things that I would like to say is that, if you are a woman reading this right now and you have a sick feeling that your man is into other men and he is lieing to you then you may want to go off of your instincts and do some investigation.
I finally understand why women get caught up with abusers. I have had my share in my lifetime (definitely not by choice) but whatever it is what it is. My ex-husband was an abuser and if you know me I’m an abuser myself (to a certain extent). I have a good and bad side (sexual abuse or physical at times). This story tells the truth. Nothing to laugh about, but I truly believe that time heals all problems. So let’s get back to this poor ex-husband of mine that is still not over the breakup. He continues to wonder why I don’t want him back. Dude, I’m disgusted by you (if you know what I know, you would be too). Don’t want it (seriously), don’t want to deal with it and it’s no longer my problem!
Saturday was the last time I talked to him. I yearned for his light brown hair and dark brown eyes, reaching for me, tempting me to fall into his arms. But, he pushed me away and shook his head at me.
Lately i started staring at walls and windows, imagining what makes people get hurt. Many people in the world has full of hate for a person and doesn't control with the hate. A friend once told me that people may hate you but never forgot what you did for them. I start to think that might be true because even you love that person but they are full of hate towards you. Takes time for them to realise what they miss, the kind and caring part about you.
According to Bustle 80% of millennials have been ghosted by someone they were dating, and while rejection is never pleasant it can be much harder to cope when someone you like simply drops you. Ghosting is very much a modern trend, and while we'd like to think we're all above it the truth is most of us have done it at some point, too. The soft ghost, sometimes called the 'zombie', and breadcrumbing (giving someone just enough attention to keep them interested) are supposedly less offensive versions of the big G. Of course, there are those who would say that watching someone slowly drift away from you is worse... Whether you're in the middle of that process, seeing them slip further and further away, or you've been completely ghosted it can be hard to know what to do.
The relationship lasted for ten months, but I feel that the only time where I felt the happiest was in the first month and a half. After that, it was pretty much a rollercoaster where I put myself through a lot and became someone I never wanted to be, which is scary to still think about it.
I loathe you. I cringe at the sound of your name even when it isn’t referring to you. I absolutely hate the things you have put me through. It’s been years since I have seen you and I can still hear your slashing words towards me, killing every ounce in my body. You walked all over me like a child in the middle of a stampede. You have made me lose all hope in love and in being loved. You have made me question every ounce of “love” I thought I felt in my lifetime. Is it really love? Is it really love when someone literally manipulates, lies, and makes your self-worth feel like the size of a pencil dot on a piece of paper? Is it really love when someone makes promises that they have never once kept? Is it really love when you cry yourself to sleep because you feel like absolutely nothing? Empty, lonely, and pathetic.
I was the girl that never faltered. I never surrendered. I always put up a fight. I embraced my flaws and still managed to be happy. Then I fell in love with a narcissist.