Her voice is lower than I have ever heard it before but it still rings in my head and the fear in her voice is throbbing against my skin.
“They don’t know God, the devil is possessing gay people.” I was 15, sitting in the middle of a discussion about homosexuality. What’s sad about that statement is that at this time, I was a teenage boy coming to terms with my own sexuality, scared, clueless, young, listening to people you would think at their adult ages would be more wise beyond their years, and the punchline? They were my family. Growing up, I watched how much hatred for gay people plagued the world. A lot of hatred stemming from what I know now as the following of a false God, confusion of sexual desires, denial of the nonconformist, and the misunderstanding of humanity. No thanks to religion that formed the cult belief that the homo species are nothing but sex demons polluting the earth with sodomy and fairy dust.
I've never really had a lot of gay friends but I have had a select few over the years. I’ve always kept my distance because there are parts of gay culture that I really don’t like. Some parts of gay culture are incredibly self-destructive. The back-firing at parents when we struggle with childhood coming out. By the time you come out, you have had often years of getting used to the idea, working out what that means for you, adjusting your picture for your future. Its old news to you, but sometimes it’s out of the left field, brand new information for the rents. They need time to adjust. If they don’t adjust, learn to accept it and love you as you are, they are arseholes of the ugly variety, but good people sometimes need time to process stuff. So many gay people struggle to accept themselves, but demanding instant hand clapping from the people you love as the minimum bar, you set the standard too high for most people to ever meet it. I’m all for standards, but if no-one meets your standards, your standards are the problem and your hurt is of your own making. I also don’t love the bitchy gay queen trope. I do love a bitchy queen, but there is more than one way to be a gay man, and if queening it isn’t you, then the stereotype is just another box you don’t fit. Large groups of gays can become quite negative, bitchy and queenish. I mean, it's all good and fun sometimes, but when its constant, its negative and schoolgirlish. No one but a mean girl wants life to be mean girlish, and there is nothing more tragic than an aging mean girl desperately clinging to her heyday. I think it stems from a place of insecurity, and negative and constrictive cultural ideas about what it is to be a woman or a man or a gay man or whatever. I tend to have a pretty high sex drives, coupled with the inability to accidentally spawn because of a broken condom, as a community we are not great at foreseeing the consequences of fucking all and sundry. No strings attached sex can be a lot of fun, but there comes a time when you want to be more to someone than an orifice. It’s not great for your long-term mental health to see yourself as a cum dumpster instead of a person worth loving and committing to.
Katie and I can dive into some pretty weird conversations. It's just what happens when two fascinating, intelligent glorious human beings have a meeting of minds. To less enlightened beings with no imagination, our conversations may at first appear shallow or comical. Smarter people, like my devoted readers here will recognise their potential brilliance and philosophical value right away. If conversations were roads, our conversations are roads not found on google maps. The destination may appear unclear but you don’t find your way to the end of the rainbow by typing Dee Why RSL into the satnav. Our conversations, the philosophies we nut out via messenger conversations that start out about stuff like dicks and balls, but diverge into universal truths, one day they are going to change the world. I see a Netflix series in our future, a bit like series 8, but better. Us sitting on inflatable unicorns extracting philosophical truths about life and the universe from discussions about penis piercings, anal douching, STD scares and other unexpected topics. Hilarious, seductive and educational to boot. Somebody start a petition and make it happen.
‘Ask me a question, and I’ll tell you no lies.’
Now you could be asking yourself, what does a 30-year-old have to say about life that can’t be said in a single tweet or Facebook post? Or maybe you are 20 years old and asking yourself how someone that old could possibly only have one book worth of interesting stuff in them, and God you hope that you are never that boring by the time you are that old. Well the answer is: if you asked yourself either question then you are a basic bitch and totally wrong. 30 is the perfect age to start a biography, old enough to have seen a bit and done a bit, young enough to still remember it, and with projected life expectancy the perfect starting point for any epic trilogy.
I don’t know honestly why I’m writing this. Maybe to get help or even let someone see my point of view? I don’t know. I’m just here to talk and if you’re here to listen GOOD LUCK cause the shit that comes out of my mouth is astounding! Ok let’s start with me i guess, I’m 19, 6 foot 2 and I’m still in high school. Yes I got left back in the first grade because I’m a lefty and I wrote everything backwards for a whole year. I’m pretty sure by now you’re probably just thinking “yea okay he’s pretty dumb” I’m telling you it gets better just watch. So of course as you can see I am at the senior stage of my high school life and I am about to leave off to college. Not many might think that this is such a fun experience you know you get to decide if you’re going to go out of state you get to decide if you’re going to stay and you get to pick where you’re going to go you’re basically transitioning into being an adult! But for me this hasn’t really been the best experience I can say I’ve ever had see this is where life comes into play now I can say that in my life I haven’t really been a hoe And I’ve never really been on the dating scene either so for me going onto my first relationship I was a hot mess because I did not know what the fuck to do with myself. So let’s get this straight I dated a boy, for anybody who’s gonna ask now I’m not gay I’m bisexual but this is the first boy that I’ve ever dated so this was all new to me so..... things just were all over the place sometimes where the person I was with had way more experience than me I was still learning how to do certain things like not be a attached motherfucker. Now I know a lot of you are kind of like the attachment part is so cute because you know you’re all over the other person NO ITS NOT FUCKING CUTE especially not when you’re the one that’s attached, you start to feel like you’re annoyingly the person and shit like them leaving or you having to leave MAKES YOU FUCKING CRY okay like I said earlier this could be just a me thing I could just be a super attached bitch and now you must be thinking I’m fucking crazy. I see this is gonna go in a great direction 🤦🏽♂️.
I met Clint when I was a junior in high school and he was a freshman. I’ve always had a thing for younger guys, apparently. We were both in band; he played saxophone, I played clarinet. When we met, he was dating a girl named Beverly, but that didn’t last long.
Logan was preparing to go diving. Along with the rest of nature, he treasured the sea and wished people would put more effort into taking care of it. He enjoyed the schools of fish, the coral, the sea sponges, even the company of someone he met while diving.