Silver Linings

I thought I’d share a few of my most memorable silver linings as a reminder to always look for them in bad times. No matter how hard it is. No matter how terrible your situation. It’s absolutely vital to keeping your sanity.

I promise you they are always there!

Air Bnb Demons

That time I had a crazed Airbnb guest who wouldn’t leave after being terrifyingly threatening.

On one hand, one of the scariest nights of my life.

On the other, the only safe space for me to hide from him while I waited for morning, was the rooftop. And it just so happened that the most beautiful full moon was to set in front of me over the 6 hours I was up there. It was rather magical. Definitely would have enjoyed it more without the intense fear but the moon did help negate my tiredness.

Imprisoned on Sri Lanka

On one hand, an ongoing year of intense fear existing in a land I now affectionately know as Hell. A broken finger since January that still hurts and looks crooked. Tooth decay. Health declining.

On the other, I had so much time to meditate that my eyesight completely healed. 20/20 vision and no laser surgery. That’s definitely a win in dark times!

I also finished writing two ≈ 90,000 word books on my phone.

And became vegan and supercharged my spiritual connection to life.

Sea Kayaking in a Lightning Storm

The rain was so heavy it bounced the salt water into our eyes and we couldn’t see a thing. And it hurt. We were both terrified. My friend had already been apprehensive about being in or on the ocean. After much persuasion she relented. We paddled out to a little island offshore of the main beach and before we turned back the weather just suddenly turned from blue to black skies. The whole sky turned dark. The thunder ripped above us and was loud. The waves were growing big. As was our fear!

However, because my friend was more scared than me and froze, I realised I had to step up and be the one to motivate us back to land. I still remember her expression of absolute terror. Shouting across the roars of thunder and the pounding rain whilst blindly paddling is still one of my favourite adventure memories. Especially as lightning cracked into the ocean very close to us. That was something I doubt I will ever experience again and it was epic!

Questioning Reality

Realising everything is me and nothing is me and that we really know nothing for sure about life.

A mind blowing paradox that when you manage to hold, allows you to feel so free of any ideas that you need to change anything, or chase anything. We know nothing for sure, except for our right now sensory experience. Which we know is affected by our perception, our thoughts and our beliefs.

Life is the craziest trip we will ever need. Be sure to open your mind to realising this. To really experiencing what is around you right now.

Years as a Child Slave Worker

On one hand, no friends, sleepovers or normal childhood stuff. Years feeling isolated and unable to relate to kids with normal families who didn’t force their kids to work from 10 years old.

On the other? As an adult I have zero guilt when I decide to do nothing, or binge watch countless Netflix box sets over recent years. I have more than earned my right to relax in any way I deem appropriate at the time!

A Devastating Break Up

On one hand I was 21 and heartbroken.

On the other, that pain took me to Hawaii! On one miserable, rainy and dark October afternoon in Scotland I saw the bright lights of the STA Travel Agent and the promise of warming my hands.

I hadn’t been considering going anywhere but I recall thinking perhaps I should be. Perhaps having something to look forward to was exactly what I needed. The only time my father (who I still worked for) would ever be likely to allow me any time off was January and if I was going away it needed to be somewhere warm and filled with adventure.

When I walked into the small office (is it weird the sound of those awful door buzzers rings in my head as recall this?! Do you remember those?) the guy behind the desk is on the phone but points me in the direction of a comfy chair. In front of me is a small, round table with a single magazine and on the cover of that magazine was the silhouette of a surfer at sunset and above was HAWAII.

I can remember this clear as day.

When the assistant finished his call and came over to speak with me, I remember pointing to that cover and asking how much is it to fly there? I booked my return flight there and then using up every penny of the £860 in my account. I had no money at all for spending but somehow I managed to work every hour there was over the next three months and gain enough to enjoy what was one of the most epic month long trips of my life so far.

And it definitely got me over that painful rejection! A highly recommended remedy for heartbreak.

The Italian Spa Bath

I’m already laughing at the totally gross memory of this. This was awful! I had been on a solo motorcycle trip around Europe and stopped in this tiny Italian town of which I have no idea of the name. This wasn’t a tourist town at all. The hotel I chose was relatively cheap and I decided to treat myself to the penthouse suite, tempted much by the promise of a jacuzzi spa bath.

After taking some videos of my epic balcony (that had three sides of the building and amazing views) I decided to run a hot bath. Once it filled and the bathroom was all steamy, I undressed and stepped into instant bliss. I love baths. And this one in particular was huge and luxurious.

After melting into it for a few minutes I remembered the promise of the jacuzzi function. I pressed the button and the bath began to shake hard, sounding like it was choking. I heard a loud rumble followed by the sound of the jets blasting into the water.

I was immediately covered in what I can only describe as black, sticky, mouldy sludge. It was everywhere. On my body, in my hair and the bath was covered. And it stank.

On the plus side? (This one is still a real stretch to type!), I ended up paying only £20 for that nights stay in what was a beautiful suite of rooms.

I think it’s pretty obvious that I would have preferred to have paid the extra money and not had this experience but hey, that’s what the list is! Search for the silver linings no matter what!

Besides, I did return from this 6 week adventure completely broke, so that money must have been needed elsewhere!

Nowhere to Run

Last New Year felt like the most miserable day I could recall ever having. I was trapped inside a small and heavily mouldy bedsit with no food, no bottled water, no internet (which meant no contact at all with the outside world) and I was down to around rs 2000. Which was actually enough to buy food but because I had no internet (no google maps) and no idea where I actually was - I didn’t know where the shop would be.

Risking going outside was intense as the Sri Lankan government were still hunting me and this particular bedsit was on a street where there were no foreigners. I would stand out immediately. Only two people in the world knew where I was at that time, and I barely knew either of them.

The level of fear I experienced at that time was indescribable.

The level of anger at the injustice of it was also indescribable.

As the government meddled in delaying my case from being heard - even at the level of the country’s Supreme Court, and the longer I was having to live in such suffering, the harder it was to (try to) stay in a state of non reaction.

This was awful. It felt like a proper rock bottom moment. I had no one. I had nothing. And I was hungry. The fridge actually had alcohol inside but I was not stupid enough to drink it.

Thankfully I had divorced from alcohol for around two years at that point (minus a couple of exceptions that only reinforced why I stopped) and I was not even tempted to slide back into that world. I knew it would only make me feel even worse.

Something happened that night as I lay crying on that stained sheet on a mouldy mattress which had massive tufts ripped out of it. When I first arrived there I had assumed it was a rat that had taken chunks out. I flipped it over and the other side wasn’t quite as bad but it all still reeked of mould. Every inch of the small room was covered in dust, spider webs and mould. Even after two days of non stop cleaning it still smelled strongly and my lungs felt like they were closing in.

Thankfully there was AC which helped some, but it also made the place freezing cold and I had only two sets of clothes. And they were not warm clothes.

Anyhow. This was more or less the scene. It was miserable. I cried. A lot. And I couldn’t stop crying. That kind of snotty, messy, can’t breathe crying. And with all of that crying I released an enormous amount of trapped emotion. It wasn’t just about my present situation. It was about a lifetime of bad situations. So many random memories began to come with those tears.

Memories of being denied food as a child. Realising that much of my now anger was indeed about being denied foods that I wanted whilst being forced to (over) eat foods that I didn’t. Because realistically, I had eaten something. I wasn’t starving. I just couldn’t escape my emotional state with food right now. And that is what was making me angry.

And that is how I became aware of and broke my emotional addiction with food.

Right there that night.

I had to just feel all of that pain, and rage and resentment. It was horrible. It was overwhelming. Would I have ever chosen to do this? No. I would have given in to the intensity of craving and I would have gone to the shop and bought something to comfort myself.

But I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t go anywhere. I couldn’t order anything. I couldn’t escape.

And for as crazy as it sounds, being forced to experience that profoundly shifted something in me for the better. My situation didn’t change much, but I did. That lifetime of attachment issues and addiction was broken that night. That deep need left me. And it’s so clear that it was being driven by all of my wounding and repressed pain. In releasing the pain, I was now free.

So what was one of the worst nights, indeed turned into the biggest blessing.

Expensive Everything in Switzerland 🇨🇭

On one hand, learning that a cup of coffee cost £12 back in 2016 almost gave me a heart attack. At the first Swiss restaurant I pulled into I ordered a small coffee and a potato rosti dish and it set me back €26. Which coincidentally was the same price I was charged to pitch my small single person tent at the campsite. To someone who lives in a country where camping is still largely a free activity - this seemed extortionate. I knew immediately that I wouldn’t be stopping for long.

On the other, knowing this later meant that the offer of free coffee was too much to resist. I was standing outside a shop looking at an A board that caught my eye. Skydiving - Ask Inside it read alongside a picture of a helicopter and a group of very happy looking people. A young guy with a wide smile came out and invited me to watch the video they had.

I remember hesitating and saying that I had been planning to leave tomorrow and go over the mountains to Italy as everything here was so expensive. I probably told my coffee story.

I remember he laughed and said if I come inside in he would make me a free coffee and I agreed. I watched the video, it looked incredible and I asked about the cost. It was expensive. But this is exactly how I travel. I’m careful about how I spend my money so that I can then splurge on these kinds of once in a lifetime adventures.

Within minutes that video had the idea sold to me. Free-falling from a helicopter above the Swiss mountains and paragliding around waterfalls looked like the most epic thing I hadn't yet done. I had to go!

And it turned out they had a helicopter leaving with space for one in just 20 minutes if I could get there in time!

Mission impossible accepted!

I ran most of the way and got there just in time for the safety brief. In what seemed like a whirlwind adventure I was next being strapped into a harness and my tandem dude (is there a proper name for them?!) and ascending above the mountains.

And I just remembered this video is on YouTube! Let me link:

9 years ago! Wow how time flies!

You know something else that I realise now as I retell this story? He never actually made me that coffee!

What are some of your silver linings? Write a short and post it in the comments below. I would love to read them ❤️