Interview with Dracula

Today, I interview a bloodsucker who’s mother would be proud! He’s a count, and while not a poet, many great poems and stories have been written about him, and he most definitely knows it. He’s a man who lives forever, and who’s name rhymes with Bracula, and he’s not afraid to cook with a spatula. He’s here to tell us what poems and stories ring true. Some call him a bat out of hell! Others say he’s perfect and doesn’t smell! Let us give a warm welcome to Dracula!

Some of his victims, (cough cough) I mean meals, have been a big part of the vocal community and have contributed many great and dark stories about the Count. Some are true, others are fabrications. And now Dracula wants to set the record straight! So let’s pay our respect to this wonderful former man!

Alex H. Mittelman: I hear you’re thinking about joining the vocal community, Count Dracula. Is this true? And why?

Count Dracula: Please, Drac is fine. I wanted to join Vocal because so many other authors have written stories and poems about my exploits. I’d like to tell my side of the story, and from my point of view.

A.H.M. What is your point of view, exactly?

C.D. I need human blood to live, and I only drink what I need and when I need it. And it’s not like I’m trying to kill the person. I’d actually prefer it if they lived, because I’ll either have more blood for tomorrow night, or a new friend if they turn into a vampire like me. So am I really a murderer? I don’t think so. I love people, they’re great. The more they’re alive, the better I thrive. And their blood is great. Everything about humanity is great. I’m not so terrible.

A.H.M. What do you think of Bram Stoker?

C.D. He’s a jerk. He not only wrote an unauthorized version of my biography without my consent, he made Van Helsing the good guy. Van Helsing was not only a bully, but a moron and an idiot, and I’ll tell you why.

A.H.M. Yes, please do. What exactly happened between you guys?

C.D. So there I was one night, enjoying a freshly caught meal, very gently sucking the blood out of the guys neck. I always suck gently as to not arouse him out of the very mild hypnosis I put him under, and I was completely and utterly minding my own damn business, when Van Helsing jumps out of the bushes and shoots me with a crossbow. The maniac starts shouting something like, “burn, demon spawn, I’m sending you back to whence you came!” Like, he didn’t even know me and he shoots me and demands I be sent back to Transylvanian? He didn’t even know me, it was just rude. Anyway, I told him he missed my heart and even if he hit my heart, I have two backup hearts. Then, as he was trying to reload, I tried to steal his crossbow, not realizing it was dipped in holy water. It burned a little, I screamed and jumped back, then tripped over a log and rolled down a hill directly behind me. He laughed and said “yay I killed Dracula.” So I let him keep thinking that I was dead so he would stop harassing me, and I just laid there until he left. So he bullied me, laughed at my pain, then didn’t even have the courage to check if I was really dead. See what I mean, he’s a moron.

A. H. M. How come you immigrated to London?

C. D. I needed a change of scenery. Plus, with all the fog blocking the suns rays, I can sometimes go out during the day. At night I run a very profitable pub in town. It’s great.

A.H.M. Let’s talk about your writing career! What’s your favorite kind of poetry or story to write? And why?

C.D. Anything related to the creatures of the night! They seem to give people a fright. I think I’ll try that, alright?

A.H.M. How did you get started writing poetry and short stories.

C.D. Well, I’ve had many fun and interesting adventures over the course of my long, illustrious life. I figure it’s time to write them down, either in the form of poetry or a creative embellished short story.

A.H.M What inspires you to write your poetry?

C.D. I enjoy being creative and writing down ideas I have. Plus it’s a good way to impress my love, Mina.

A.H.M. Are there any famous poets or writers you like to read, or that you find inspirational? Like Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wild or Maya Angelou?

C.D. I like Ann Rice. She’s so good I read her books twice. Do you think you could get her to interview me next?

A.H.M. Maybe! That sounds like a plan. Is there anything you like to read on Vocal?

C.D. Dark humor. I like anything dark humor related. Also, pirates and love poems. I like pirate stories, and love poems are amazing. If someone wrote a love poem about a pirate and used dark humor, I’d give them a high five and a hug.

A.H.M. How would you define your writing style? Is there one piece you wrote that you like the best? Why?

C.D. My writing style is poetically dark. I also write short stories that are a lark. If you don’t like them, I’ll go to your city and bite your neck in a park. I’m a better weapon then anything made by Tony Stark. When I write I always hit my mark. The heads I put on a spike should prove I have bite with my bark. And nobody will know where your buried, because I never leave alive a narc.

A.H.M. What’s been the most challenging thing for you to write and why?

C.D. Children’s books. I’ve always wanted to write a great children’s book because I think their laughter and happiness is wonderful. But every time I try and write a children’s book, the parents always complain it’s too bloody. I try and explain that I only get inspired to write after a fresh meal, and I can’t help it if a little left over blood drips onto the pages. So I’ll stick to writing what I know. I’ll keep writing adult stories, poems and erotic fiction for now.

A.H.M. That’s really cool! Thank you for sharing. What is your most important piece of advice to other writers?

C.D. Keep doing what your doing and never give up. Follow your dreams. Make love, not war. Love, live and let others be happy. Read lots of books, travel the world and gain experience! It’ll make your writing better! Really suck the blood out of life.

A.H.M. What do you want people to learn from your work?

C.D. I want people to learn how to be vigilant. So I pass on as many awareness tips as I can. Also, I want people to learn acceptance. I don’t like when people judge others based on looks or rumors. People judge me harshly based on looks and rumors, and I’m the nicest guy in the world, even when I latch on to someone’s neck and start draining them of blood! I always make sure they’re hypnotized and pain free when I start sucking, and they usually survive! Sometimes I don’t even suck with my mouth, I’ll do the polite thing and use a straw.

A.H.M. Can you tell me what your writing process looks like? Tell me how you get your ideas, when you start writing, what your mood and thought process is, etc.

C.D. I get my ideas from life experiences usually. Sometimes an idea just comes to me. I write during the twilight hours of the day, usually right before sunset and right after sunrise. And as long as I remember to put on sunscreen first so I don’t turn to ashes everything is ok!

A.H.M. What’s one thing you love about writing?

C.D. Being creative. It’s an experience and a thrill. I see why you write! It’s fun.

A.H.M. What’s something you hate about writing?

C.D. The time it takes away from me spending time with my precious Mina. Writing can be very time consuming.

A.H.M. How long has writing been a passion of yours?

C.D. For centuries now. To many years to count.

A.H.M. Understandable. What do you like to do for fun?

C.D. Chase people around in the dark. I like to be eldritch. Also, hanging out with friends at the bar. I love drinking. That’s a great activity.

A.H.M. Is there anything else you think your fans should know about you?

C.D. Yes. Don’t be afraid. I’m a nice guy. And you’re getting sleepy. Very sleepy. When you wake up, ignore the holes in your neck.

A.H.M. Thank you for letting me interview you!

C.D. Thanks for having me, Alex! It’s been great.