ComedyWriting
It Was Free, So Naturally It's Worth $40,000
Two financial principles apparently govern the American household. The first is that anything advertised as FREE must be acquired immediately, regardless of whether we need it, want it, or can even identify what it does. The second is that anything we’ve owned for more than twenty years automatically becomes a priceless antique.
By The Pompous Post3 days ago in Humor
I Asked for the Time and Got a Colonoscopy Report. Also, What's With All These Hats?
There are two things in life I genuinely don’t understand. First, why some people cannot answer a simple question without providing a complete medical history, family genealogy, and a detailed account of something that happened to their brother-in-law in 1987.
By The Pompous Post6 days ago in Humor
Mummu's Simple Dinner
My neighbour Mr. Mummu waved me over from his driveway last Saturday, holding a guilty-looking shopping bag with coriander poking out and a sack of rice under his arm. He said he was hosting a simple dinner for a couple of neighbours, no fuss, and I was invited.
By Gautam Atmakuri8 days ago in Humor
My Hobbies Are Collecting Dust, and Apparently Slapping People Is a Sport Now?
I’ve concluded that human beings have far too much disposable income and not nearly enough adult supervision. And before anybody gets offended, I’m including myself in that assessment. Because somewhere in my house, there’s a metal detector that once represented the beginning of a thrilling new chapter in my life.
By The Pompous Post10 days ago in Humor
I Just Wanted Toothpaste... Now I'm Responsible for Deforestation.
There was a time when purchasing toothpaste was a relatively straightforward operation. You walked into a store, found the toothpaste, picked something that smelled vaguely like mint, paid, and went home. The entire transaction took about forty-five seconds and required no understanding of molecular biology. Those days are gone.
By The Pompous Post20 days ago in Humor
Never Talk About Religion or Politics... Unless Your Name Is Mud
Don’t chew with your mouth open. Don’t ask a woman when she’s due unless you can actually see the baby emerging. And never, under any circumstances, discuss religion or politics at a social gathering.
By The Pompous Post24 days ago in Humor
From Ancient Spirits to Sexy Traffic Cones: What the Hell Happened to Halloween?
Halloween is approaching, so Americans are preparing to spend considerable sums dressing up as things they wouldn’t normally let into their homes. Skeletons appear on lawns, plastic spiders are attached to perfectly good furniture, and somewhere, a grown man is practicing walking in an inflatable dinosaur costume while his wife seriously reconsiders the choices that brought them together.
By The Pompous Post27 days ago in Humor
My Brain Remembers 1983, but Advertising Has Forgotten the Truth
Two things about modern civilization concern me. First, the human brain has apparently decided that information from 1983 deserves permanent storage, while anything useful today can be discarded without warning. Second, advertising has become so detached from reality that I wouldn’t be surprised to see a company market a cardboard box as a luxury residential experience.
By The Pompous Postabout a month ago in Humor
