I have read the Elaine Aron books, I've managed to buy other books such as The Highly Sensitive Person Survival Guide by Ted Zeff. I am reading about how to give myself more buffers. These days, I have plenty more compared to what I had in my after college years. By 2010, I had quit drinking and realized that my sensitivity could be managed differently. As a sensitive person, I'm realizing just how fragile my hernia is making me. I'm trying to sleep well at night, but I was low at 9, high at 1:00 a.m., and then high in the morning. The books I have offer many tips on how to deal with sensitivity.
I moved to San Francisco State in August 2004, and I was a transfer student at that. My roommates struck me in the immediate present as gaslighting bullies. One was messing around with her perception of race, and didn't bother to correct me as I see now she was looking for an excuse to criticize an innocent person. They did turn out to be very abusive. But at first, I tried to be the one to help them get along although the roommate I met first was the sort of person who liked messing around with people, and like I said, I imagined I had wronged her by not guessing her race right. I'm sorry, hun, I didn't know any better, and remember I was in my mid-twenties so therefore, learning new things?
Okay, I have depression and anxiety because I'm a bipolar 1, so that comes with. My medical record even mentions major depressive disorder. Furthermore, my medical record mentions my "anxiety state," which means that I'm anxious all the time, every day. Although I do not get as many symptoms as I used to because of my heavy-duty antipsychotic medication such as Geodon, 140 mg, Buspar 20 mg, (four a day), Lamictal 25 mg, and Eschitalopram for my OCD. I have OCD, and CPTSD in addition to anxiety. I need more information about major depressive disorder. The thing is, I had a smidgen of diagnosis before I was diagnosed schizoaffective by a proper psychiatrist.
I have CPTSD, which means I flashback to trauma on a regular basis but wind up using my very basic EMDR knowledge to ease the pain. I have learned however, not to repeat the trauma by dumping people who do not help me. As I write and as you read, I'm working on listening to Youtube videos about CPTSD. CPTSD gives you many a panic attack/flashback at the same time. Your perceptions are pretty much distorted because you have a high stress existence. I do show good judgment often enough with my way of doing things, including my need to take my medication daily. I had to get around my family's "you can't see a psychiatrist" rule in my 20s. Then at 28, I was like, wait a minute, I have control over my medical care, they hate it, and so off I went to see a psychiatrist.
A bully picks a victim they admire. They pick on them for the sole reason that they are better than the bully. The bully is systematically ashamed of their personality, so their victim has something the bully wants, which is to feel good about themselves. While a sociopath is a bully by nature, normal people who bully do it from feeling inadequate about who they are. Bullies have major self-esteem problems. Expert manipulators lie to their victims a lot, trying to change their version of reality. Many a bully in many places has tried to make me feel like I do not have the right to live without being threatened physically, mentally, or emotionally since it is reminded that you have the right to create your own healthy life. In my Tae Kwon Do class, it was once said that you should never expect to get an apology from a bully, ever.
Actions are sometimes deliberate. I had a bad experience in 2017, where I saw an atomic bomb clairvoyant metaphor in my head before walking into a building far away from home in another neighborhood. This is a symbol I now interpret as saying; there will be drama inside the xyz location. But back then; I was a naïve 36 year old whose parents had just moved. I was going to get a free guard card class, but I realized the drive had caused me stress. I was going to go that meeting to prove I was badass but also my stiff knee hurt. I have a knee injury from yoga class, its' much improved at this time in 2020, but I've been healing from this injury since 2016, March, and I have to take it easy still.
Anyway, my point in this article is that some bullies are deliberate about what they do.