Sometimes it is hard for a mentally ill person to muster up the motivation to get anything done. It is hard for the chronically ill to muster up that same energy. Energy is a force in your body that you can channel even if having too many goals on your to-do list causes you stress. I feel a stress rush in my head whenever I log into my online Wizardry school. That rush is worse with a regular school which is why I have kept myself away from my local junior college's website even if I feel I need to get a transcript that tells the sorry tale of how I overloaded myself most of college, which was a time filled with alcoholism and coffee addiction to cope with the stress along with massive sugar addiction.
In my half-baked treated twenties, I was getting red acne outbreaks from all the sugar I was doing. I'm an addict. I have to be careful with what I put into my body. Oh, the stress I was under at that time, it wasn't going away. I have been through periods of long-term stress. This causes damage to the adrenals. I'm pretty sure I have damage but these days I'm nowhere near the half as stressed as I used to be. Now I no longer overwork myself on top of that.
There is such thing as having a productive day without overextending yourself. In junior college, my transcript was an exercise in how overloaded I was on purpose to finish faster. I thought I could handle it because of mania, grandiosity, and coffee. Coffee would trigger all three domains. I'm lucky I didn't pass out from exhaustion in high school or college. College was a break from parental stress and drama. These days I have learned that productivity does not have to be something I force on myself. I have learned that it is not okay to go to bed late.
I have learned these days what it feels like to get enough to eat and have enough sleep. I'm navigating a lot of pain here, my hernia, and possible chronic pancreatitis now. I'm also trying to fight my binge eating. I have managed to sleep the last few nights without binging so I'm okay right now but I'm tired from the stormy weather, low blood platelets, and not having caffeine in my life in any form. The extra energy causing me mania is not worth it.
I'm also trying to fight my binge eating. I have managed to sleep the last few nights without binging so I'm okay right now but I'm tired from the stormy weather, low blood platelets, and not having caffeine in my life in any form. The extra energy causing me mania is not worth it. Less is more, and we mentally ill folk are often tired from our medication or other chronic illnesses we have to deal with.
I realize that overwork in the name of being productive is not helping me. I'm working on making good use of my time. The time I feel like using that is. Other mentally ill people know about this because we understand what we go through. Working too much is all I saw growing up. It means you are admired if you work yourself to death. This is no longer necessary in my life and I am trying to learn to work less not more. To be efficient with the time I have, not using hours in my day. I'm trying to control my binge eating disorder so limiting stress is a good thing. Stress triggers a lot. I can't overwork myself anymore.