Iria Vasquez-Paez

I moved to San Francisco State in August 2004, and I was a transfer student at that. My roommates struck me in the immediate present as gaslighting bullies. One was messing around with her perception of race, and didn't bother to correct me as I see now she was looking for an excuse to criticize an innocent person. They did turn out to be very abusive. But at first, I tried to be the one to help them get along although the roommate I met first was the sort of person who liked messing around with people, and like I said, I imagined I had wronged her by not guessing her race right. I'm sorry, hun, I didn't know any better, and remember I was in my mid-twenties so therefore, learning new things?

Okay, I have depression and anxiety because I'm a bipolar 1, so that comes with. My medical record even mentions major depressive disorder. Furthermore, my medical record mentions my "anxiety state," which means that I'm anxious all the time, every day. Although I do not get as many symptoms as I used to because of my heavy-duty antipsychotic medication such as Geodon, 140 mg, Buspar 20 mg, (four a day), Lamictal 25 mg, and Eschitalopram for my OCD. I have OCD, and CPTSD in addition to anxiety. I need more information about major depressive disorder. The thing is, I had a smidgen of diagnosis before I was diagnosed schizoaffective by a proper psychiatrist.

I have CPTSD, which means I flashback to trauma on a regular basis but wind up using my very basic EMDR knowledge to ease the pain. I have learned however, not to repeat the trauma by dumping people who do not help me. As I write and as you read, I'm working on listening to Youtube videos about CPTSD. CPTSD gives you many a panic attack/flashback at the same time. Your perceptions are pretty much distorted because you have a high stress existence. I do show good judgment often enough with my way of doing things, including my need to take my medication daily. I had to get around my family's "you can't see a psychiatrist" rule in my 20s. Then at 28, I was like, wait a minute, I have control over my medical care, they hate it, and so off I went to see a psychiatrist.

A bully picks a victim they admire. They pick on them for the sole reason that they are better than the bully. The bully is systematically ashamed of their personality, so their victim has something the bully wants, which is to feel good about themselves. While a sociopath is a bully by nature, normal people who bully do it from feeling inadequate about who they are. Bullies have major self-esteem problems. Expert manipulators lie to their victims a lot, trying to change their version of reality. Many a bully in many places has tried to make me feel like I do not have the right to live without being threatened physically, mentally, or emotionally since it is reminded that you have the right to create your own healthy life. In my Tae Kwon Do class, it was once said that you should never expect to get an apology from a bully, ever.

Actions are sometimes deliberate. I had a bad experience in 2017, where I saw an atomic bomb clairvoyant metaphor in my head before walking into a building far away from home in another neighborhood. This is a symbol I now interpret as saying; there will be drama inside the xyz location. But back then; I was a naïve 36 year old whose parents had just moved. I was going to get a free guard card class, but I realized the drive had caused me stress. I was going to go that meeting to prove I was badass but also my stiff knee hurt. I have a knee injury from yoga class, its' much improved at this time in 2020, but I've been healing from this injury since 2016, March, and I have to take it easy still. Anyway, my point in this article is that some bullies are deliberate about what they do.

Sleep deprivation is something I have had to deal with my entire life, since the age of 1. I was a sleepless child growing up in Mountain View, CA where my family didn't notice my pediatric schizoaffective symptoms since they didn't think medicating a child was necessary. I wasn't even on baby SSI since my mother wasn't a US citizen but I was. Now I'm working on restoring my body's ability to sleep even if there was a time when I somehow managed to sleep the whole night. I'm not sure I've done that on occasion in the last 38 years of my whole life. When I wasn't on medication, I didn't think of sleep deprivation as something that had been done to me. I was not on medication, but I knew it was only my mother who could get me some but didn't bother. I wish I had emancipated myself or worked harder to get SSI back when my social security number got stolen in 2001 while I was on the bus. I was still on my parent's insurance and living at home back then, and these days I still live in my parent's house. It is high time to sell a business. Brain fog comes from untreated or poorly treated hypothyroidism, which was discovered in my 20s by an endocrinologist. I was on Zyprexa, and back then I got that from internists. Yes, never get medication from internists because it will backfire. They don’t know enough about mental health. The best type of doctor to go to is always a psychiatrist, I did that in 2012 when I hit 30 because I had had enough of being unstable, period. I had enough of my family interfering with my mental health treatment decisions. SSI helped me figure out a way to get treatment around my parents. The effects of sleep deprivation only happen when someone gets less sleep than they actually need. I feel I need something like 10-11 hours of sleep a night because of 22q. Sleep loss does not allow for focus on the environment and the sensory input that can cause. Sleep deprivation can cause tragic accidents from people flying airplanes, running ships, trains, or even cars. Sleep deprivation is never a good thing if someone manages a nuclear power plant. These days I do not have ongoing daytime sleepy feelings because I'm trying to do my sleeping at night. People who do not get enough sleep, yawn, feel tired, get moody, get depressed, (which is why taking medication helps a mentally ill person sleep. There is diffficulty learning, people forget things, and cause an inability to concentrate, there is clumsiness, a lack of motivation, even an increased need to eat with carbohydrate cravings as a number one desire. Lack of sleep causes a reduced sex drive in addition to everything else. Not getting enough sleep does weaken your immune system, which is why in childhood, I'd get many colds, or flus. Not sleeping well does your body serious harm. There is an increase in respiratory diseases, because sleeping less can also have harmful effects on body weight. Sleep deprivation causes insulin to be released, that results in increased fat storage, which can in fact, lead to type 2 diabetes. Sleeping well maintains blood pressure. How often in my thirties was I plagued by high blood pressure? It was a fact that happened many times until my endocrinologist noticed it. Not sleeping enough increases the risk of heart disease, while influencing hormones in both men and women but also it can mess with men's testosterone levels. So you see, sleep is necessary. Back in high school, my family had me convinced that not getting as much sleep as the next person was a superpower. Now I have that all sorted out, and know I need at least 10 or 11 hours sleep. Sleep deprivation is not good for you, it doesn't help you with much either. Alcohol does not actually help. I'm on so many medications and you wonder why my energy goes to my family, not to me? I'm going to sell a real business, make money, and escape to a nice spa somewhere, a bed and breakfast and spa with alternative medicine treatments available. De Works Cited https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/307334.php#effects