Why I Studied Martial Arts
Why I Can't Do It For the Foreseeable Future
From the age of 5, I was a bit fixated on martial arts when some older kids pushed me into the lawn at our school. I did kindergarten in public school, first grade in private school. I have gone mano-a-mano with my old man using actual skills. I got pinched in between the legs in my old neighborhood, counting as one street fight I resolved by hitting the guy with my bag of groceries in the chest, making noise by yelling at one guy and getting the hell out of there. I have stood up to threats of physical violence in my home. I refuse to stay silent, since when I tell my mother to deal with all she is not dealing with, it is met with still more denial. I'm sick to death of it, frankly. But anyway, I'm talking about why I latched into martial arts as an interest an exhausted, sleep-deprived 15-year-old with untreated schizoaffective.
I studied martial arts to be badass. The tough little bitch act worked to get positive attention, while being depressed a lot due to not being on necessary medication. My mother simply refused to let me look into it myself. I apologize to my high school friends for not being stable. We know whose fault that was. The same person refuses to read all my work like my Vocal Media article on how everything seems to be made in China these days.
Like I said, my blog never gets hits from either country of origin. But anyway, I knew quite well how to defend myself on the playground all through elementary school. I excelled at sports, which continued in high school but I didn't see physical therapists until I got much older. Yes, something that in my adult life, I cannot neglect or overlook. I can't have a denial complex about things like my chi. Or any other psychic talent for that matter. I can't just walk around getting triggered either, so I found myself online therapy with 7cups.
I studied martial arts in order to toughen up, moving from white belt to blue belt in my first years of college. At 18 I could have sought treatment on my own, but I put that off until 27 give or take when I got myself Medical but didn’t officially take the nosedive until 28. No mentally ill person should study martial arts give or take they aren't on medication. In particular because now I know about my chi and I took Taoist Qigong classes to study chi back when I was in real college. I learned how to push men twice my size with three sharp intakes of breath, and shoving gently using my 4'10 frame. I was floored back then, that this opened up.
I'm not often stable enough to do martial arts save that one year I managed of Tae Kwon do before my yoga injury of a dislocated knee cap. The whole thing was dislocated. But yeah, I have been healing from this injury for four years now. To make the situation worse, I have a hiatal hernia I'm trying to spiritually heal, that's another article. If they can't operate, then I will give healing it psychically a shot. Martial arts taught me a lot about chi, life force, and energy. Chi that flows through your body is energy like prana. Chi goes by many names. You can use it for many different purposes. Martial arts, yoga, and tai chi taught me about how to manage my energy, keeping my hernia symptoms at bay from 2013-2017. Then all of a sudden, I can't eat my favorite foods. I have to eat everything plain, and that I a bit of a nightmare. I can't have raw vegetables either, which frankly has me angry.
Martial arts taught me about discipline since my whole life is about maintaining a certain sense of self-discipline, which includes the mastery of taking my medication every day. Martial arts are about managing your emotions not letting them run your life. I have no idea what being an athlete feels like stable. I'm done being kicked around by my family for having a mental illness. I want to make real money so I can divide my time between San Jose, CA and Los Angeles. There are endless opportunities in LA for writers. But I want it to be work from home jobs to avoid mean people although I have encountered them at work from home jobs too.