I'm deeply aware that I need surgery, but I have been told not to get it even when the pandemic improves. Some of my doctors are divided into camps, the pro-surgery camp and the anti-surgery camp. I have to find the one GI and surgeon that will agree with me though, because these hernia symptoms are making me crazy. The acid reflux doesn't feel mild, but they say it is. I have to make a follow up with my other GI. My claircognizance is telling me that I need surgery, my body is screaming at me this fact but I can't get it out of some of my doctors.
Some feel that the acid reflux may not go away, ever, even with the surgery, which may not help at all. That is truly scary. I cannot put myself in the position of reading for other people right now. My brain hurts from having one too many clairs. I know that some people I imagine would make good roommates are medical mediums whom I cannot lie to. Yes, I'm a psychic but I'm pretty good at making myself act happy when I feel the opposite. I can be not feeling well on more than one level but act fundamentally okay.
Claircognizance is about knowledge. It is about some knowledge you either know about or don't know about. Claircognizance is trippy because it can mean direct download about stuff you do not otherwise know about. I want to be taught how to use this ability. I already know how to use all of them because of sheer objectivity, insight and direct observation. But I want validation, and to learn to trust my own input. Trusting myself is something I'm actually biased about precisely because I do not trust myself.
I'm hoping my forties will be easier than my thirties because I will be able to make good calls by sheer force of willpower. I know what I should be doing. I have found a company that I could be working for. I checked boxes off in my application that are for specific writer categories. I have sent my application, which they will take ten days to respond to. I'm antsy waiting around, but hey, it will happen. I'm trying to keep my head above water financially by not going through all my money to buy strips.
But when I need strips, I need strips. Claircognizance is all around useful in many different categories, from business, to writing. As an author, I use it. I need to use it. I'm working on learning how to use it. Knowledge just arrives inside your head, and I'm starting to see this is my most active clair because I use it in my writing. I remembered a random assignment in high school, using Mary Shelley's Frankenstein in my junior year English class. I got 100% on this assignment, because I highlighted quotes in the book and summarized them.
Claircognizance causes me immense stress given that I have all this knowledge rattling around in my head. It causes me a headache and that could be a rise in blood pressure. This is why I'm a writer. I need to get the knowledge out of my system. I can access the Akashic records instantly. I need training on this with my disabilities taken into account. You cannot throw the schizoaffective out with the bathwater. I have to continue taking my medication, and any learning environment would have to keep this in mind.
Tonight I'm really stressed because I had a prolonged acid reflux attack. It was horrific. And they say I don't need surgery…yet? If ever? Wow. I'm really uncomfortable here, since Mr. hernia is taking over my life. I feel that me not having surgery yet is a bad call. It needs to be done eventually, but not right now when hospitals are overrun because of COVID-19. I have so far, avoided being scathed by illness. I can't be in a hospital situation because then I'd need a roommate, and then I'd get the illness. I have to wait around for the vaccine to get anything done at all.