When The Pain Is Unescapable

The journey in trying to move forward from the pain of the darkness hasn't been easy. I'm in love with the south how easy it is here. I don't want to recall my terrible memories; don't want to be remember them.I just want to wash my hands of the past, so I can flourish in the light. The hurt I experienced for one year. I just want to reinvent myself. What no one understands I don't want to be reminded. I say, I don't want to be reminded, yet this is wrong respected.

The pain, yes, it's who am I. Can anyone relate to this? I never asked for anyone to be jealous of all my hard work.

Does anyone want to remember their wedding band stolen? My demons are mine, and I'm trying to overcome and forget them.

The trauma of the past never goes away. Sometimes it finds a way even in the most peaceful of times.

When the brain never wants to turn off. However, the pain I am struggling with I have no say over how much is to much.

On June 7th, 2024, I want to be left alone it's a horrible morning when I have pissed off the wrong people. By doing what's right by me. I have been sanctioned in the by the shelter for something I had no control over. Regardless the world of homeless isn't what it seems. Society has normies programmed like mutes that the minority class are druggies, with no work ethic. From my experience I know what it's like to live in 1914 New York when the Immigrants first landed coming from Ireland, and other lands. Everyone calls America the land of the free!! However it is a lie and facade of lies. The basic needs of housing, security, and jobs available to you is nonexistant if you don't look like anyone around here. Playing stupid, dumbing myself down is the only defense mechanism I have in this lifetime. I don't trust anyone at this point, until they give me a reason to trust them. In the span of almost two years, I have suffered so much more than I think I can handle. I want justice for everything I been through, but i will never have justice.

I wish I could sue the City Mission for what has been the most tramatic experience of my life.

"Here is the broomstick if anyone needs outside this room make sure they use it fly away with it." And the dumb ass didn't realise I am telling witches to fly away with the damn thing.

Then I sprained my foot falling down the stairs, and screamed down other me fuck everyone. I left, for the "sanctioned" time meaning 5 hours of "cool down period" fuck where was the cool down period yesterday.

If I didn't have explosive anger tendencies I do now. However, even if my anger is justified I feel like I am wrong for how I feel. I have never been punished for something I never done in almost three years. I had six roommates at the shelter. One, had a nervous breakdown. Another one decided to mix ammonia and bleach together trying to poison us with the fums when he cleaned up after his dog. The other one, is going through cancer treatments and got moved to the top bunk next door to my "friend" who has epilepsy becasue staff after idiots separated her and her husband (common law.) And something doesn't feel right with her, so I am just done making friends at least in homeless shelter.

In addition, I feel bad for anyone who is in devastation. But most of all I am writing all this down to make sense of it. Is this how society is built with pain? Pain that shouldn't even be? One day out of the year people are nice "Christmas." I am so beyond done...

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