Feelings vs. Facts

Dear Lex,

Sometimes you have to do the hardest thing in the world, but know its the only way, sadly due to other's actions. Here in an hour my heart will break. But now I know and there is no going back. What do you do when you have to file charges on someone who is already in a mess and this is going to cost a lot?

Anon

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Dear Anon,

Firstly, I am so sorry that you are going through this. However, like you said, sometimes you have to make hard choices for the better good of yourself. There is nothing that I can really say for you to do, besides do what you find best based off of the facts not your feelings. I feel like we often make choices in relationships based off of feelings not facts. This is a problem because how we feel right now will more than likely not be how we feel tomorrow; then in result, we end up making decisions that we regret later.

Please remind yourself that although your heart may feel broken right now, it will heal. This is probably not the first time that a situation has left you feeling heartbroken and unforunately it will not be the last. Give yourself grace during this period of time and remind yourself that you are only doing what is best. That is what matters.

Lastly, when making choices that ultimately are for the better... we cannot look at how someone who is in the wrong will be affected. I have often found that I worry about how the person on the other end will end up feeling. This results in me not thinking clearly about myself. If you are not thinking about yourself, then who will in these moments?

Ultimately, that goes back to making sure to base your decision off of FACTS. This will take everything out of the picture. That means that it doesnt matter how it makes you feel. it doesnt matter how it makes them feel. It does not matter who it will and will not affect in the end. All that matters is WHAT HAPPENED. If what happened has led you to a point where you find it NECESSARY to take it a step further and do what you feel like is best to do, then do that.

There is nothing else that I can really say, but I do hope that the little bit that I did say, helps ease your mind a little bit.

Good luck!

PS. Below I will list ways of coping and healing through situations that leave you feeling heartbroken.

1. Time is Necessary

You have to give yourself time. You have know that something is for the best but that does not mean it feels good.

2. Be Kind to Yourself

Along with time, you have to allow yourself to feel what you are feeling. Give yourself grace and understanding that whenever you are for someone, that comes with feelings that do not go away over night. If you spend a month beating yourself over feelings, instead of just dealing with them head on, you just wasted a month of your life. It is always better to confront those feelings head on and remind yourself that everything you are feeling is valid. You have to go through it to get through it.

3. Find an Outlet

A part of getting through it is making sure that you have a way to release those emotions and thoughts. My go to outlet has always been journaling. If you are not someone who journals, maybe you should try music engagement, visual art, dancing or exercise. If none of those interest you, do some research to find an outlet that would be good for you.

4. Find a Support System

The worst part of going through a heart break, is feeling like you have to carry all of those emotions on your own. Remind yourself that you are allowed to lean on others without feeling like a burden. The people around you care about you, do not forget that.

5. Take Care of Yourself

You see it all over social media. Whenever people are going through heartbreaking situations, they tend to sulk in those feelings. Although you are supposed to allow yourself to feel your feelings, simutanouesly you are also supposed to be releasing those feelings. During those times you should still actively be working on self care. This is how you build yourself back up from a moment that had you so low.

Once again, wishing you the best! Hope this helped!

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