10 Signs You’re Being Discarded By A Narcissist.

Whether it’s a friend, family, work, or intimate relationship, the narcissist’s discard phase is cruel, confusing, and often debilitating. It’s also an eye-opener, revealing the real person behind the mask and some of the unhealed parts of yourself.

“The only changes a narcissist makes is masks and victims” — Unknown.

Narcissists go through the idealise, devalue, discard, and hoover stages because their deep insecurities mean they need people to provide them with security, yet secretly envy others for not possessing the same insecurities.

Narcissists can discard while still in an intimate relationship. In this situation, they cycle through devaluing and hoovering while still pursuing others. In the case of children, they’ll remain in their lives without being truly present. They may enter a new relationship and idealise children in the new relationship while comparing their own children unfavourably.

Many actions and situations can signal a discard. The following are some of the most common signs.

1. You’re Stronger Than Ever.

Once you realise you’ve been fooled and suffered many lies, manipulations, and devaluations, you’ll start standing up for yourself and setting boundaries. You standing up for yourself does not fit into the narcissists game plan. You might not feel strong, weakened with symptoms of narcissistic abuse syndrome, but you are, and the narcissist knows it and doesn’t like it.

2. Ghosting.

The clearest sign of a discard is when they leave. Narcissists stop contacting you, and there is no explanation. Narcissistic ghosting is a push-pull game, where they push you away, hoping you’ll pull back. Ghosting also occurs because narcissists have usually found a new supply or are busy hunting for one. They’re unwilling and incapable of recognising the thoughts and feelings of anyone but themselves.

3. New Supply.

Narcissists want you to know they’re seeking further supply and will let you know, only subtly, if they still need you for whatever you’ve been supplying them with, whether it's attention, home, money or food. You will hear about how much better their new supply is and how much they’re doing for the narcissist that you’re not. The new supply will be in the idealisation stage, as outlined in the following story.

4. They Change Dramatically.

Because the narcissist is on the hunt for a new supply, they need new clothes, accessories, smells, phrases, and they may even develop an accent. They’ve been miserable, and you’ve had to put up with it, then suddenly they seem much happier because you’re suffering and they’ve found new sources of supply. Narcissists are constantly using people, and deep down, they know they’ll recycle this new supply too. Remember, you were a new supply once.

5. Storytelling.

Narcissists act a little crazy when they’re discarding. They start telling elaborate, over-the-top stories, sometimes to cover up where they’ve been and to prevent any dialogue about the things that matter.

In my situation, social workers suggested he was on drugs, though I knew that he was taking anti-psychotics and other medications, I was also starting to wonder if there was more to it.

Whether it's drugs or symptoms of a personality disorder, it's not safe for anyone, and it's better to move through this part of the discard as soon as possible.

6. Excessive Devaluation.

In my case, the abuse escalated from mostly emotional to physical abuse. Devaluation can happen for some time before the discard. During the discard phase, devaluation will become excessive, often permeating every second you spend with the narcissist.

7. Less Hoovering.

Hoovering is reusing old supplies; it is the tactic narcissist’s use to pull their victims back into their drama after devaluation. Narcissists act like nothing happened, hoping you will take them back, at least long enough to get whatever they need from you. Hoovering can feel like idealising, returning with false apologies, gifts, or grand proposals; it can also include sad stories, threats of self-harm, and all kinds of drama. During the discard, the hoovering stage almost ceases and only happens when you have something they still want and other people aren’t fulfilling their needs.

8. The Smear Campaign.

Narcissists always resort to smear campaigns. The smear campaign or triangulation is where the narcissist spreads lies among a group of people to damage their victim's reputation. Narcissists will use their own friends, family, and organisations to join in the smear campaign and target any weak members of their victim’s friends and family.

9. Blame.

During the discard phase, narcissists will blame their victims for every problem in their life and the victims, even creating problems that don't exist. Narcissists are never to blame; their problems are always somebody else's fault. Narcissists will take the blame if it garners sympathy or draws people into their stories, then twist the information so that the target becomes the problem.

“A narcissist’s criticism is their autobiography” — M. Wakefield.

10. Truths Exposed.

When the mask drops, they are most definitely discarding you. You will know when the mask drops because the narcissist seems like a whole other person. Many truths about the narcissist are exposed during the discard phase. You may catch them out lying, stealing, cheating and manipulating, then have them deny it, or they’ll outright tell you what they did just to revel in your pain.

A narcissists discard, though painful, is your lucky break. It’s your opportunity to be free of the trauma and drama of dealing with a narcissist. The best thing you can do to cope with the discard is to go no contact. Narcissists thrive on your attention, good or bad, and they can not stand being ignored. The discard is a game for them, and they want you to keep playing. Choose you and let them play elsewhere.

Thanks for reading.❤