Live in the Now if Your Mental Health is Suffering

In the time my Bride and I have been together, I’ve learned a lot from her. She’s been a counselor for about 22 years. I’ve picked up a few tips and pointers about mental health struggles. She’s helped many people deal with the challenge of living in the now.

So many of us have guilt about our past. We tend to live there instead of in the present. Lamenting about the things we’ve done that we’re not proud of can be detrimental to our mental health.

Living a life full of regret is not pleasant. Nobody wants to reach a certain age and feel as though they’ve missed their window of opportunity for living a happy, well-adjusted life. It’s something that many people struggle with.

Likewise, being worried or anxious about the future. This is also a difficult thing to manage. The world is an uncertain, tough place at times. The division and anger that’s projected daily are downright stressful and scary.

How do we go about not feeling such sadness and guilt about our pasts? What do we do to avoid feeling anxiety and depression about our futures? There are certainly ways to deal with both.

It’s not that difficult to handle your past or manage your future. The secret is as easy as each new day arriving on schedule: Live in the now. But what does it mean to live in the now? It’s easier than you think.

Leaving your past where it belongs in the past is challenging for so many. The circumstances and the things that we’ve done or had happen to us in each of our own unique pasts can be a struggle. It’s difficult to forget some of the trauma and unpleasant memories we’ve had to endure.

If you’re having a hell of a time forgiving yourself for the things in your past, just remember this: You are NOT the person you were back then. We’ve all done a number of shitty things in the past. But we change over time.

Hopefully, we’ve evolved and grown as human beings. As more time passes we can choose to improve ourselves, and consciously decide to be better toward others. This includes being better toward ourselves.

We need to forgive our younger selves. We need to apologize for being angry or hateful toward ourselves. We should embrace the growth that we’ve gone through and recognize that we’re still growing daily. I know that as much growth as I’ve had now at age 48, there is still much more to come. I welcome that.

If old memories of traumatic events still invade your thoughts daily, push them back. It’s not your fault, the things you’ve endured. If your parents were abusive toward you during childhood, you’re not to blame for that. We cannot choose our parents.

If we participated in relationships that became horrible or abusive, that is also not your fault. Most abusers hide their true colors for quite some time before manipulating and controlling their victims. Forgive yourself for being and/or staying in this abusive relationship.

Sometimes I think about a handful of truly unpleasant memories from childhood or half a lifetime ago. It’s natural for daily occurrences to trigger memories that are difficult to revisit. But you can train your mind to cut them short, once they rear their ugly heads.

If I think of something horrible from the past, I immediately recognize that I’m doing it. Once I realize I’m thinking of it, I quit doing that. I shift my focus to something completely unrelated rather than going over the entire details of the unpleasant memory.

It’s a bit challenging to do this at first. But with continual practice, it can be done. Eventually, you’ll find yourself becoming good at it, and you’ll feel more at peace. I laugh in the face of guilt. It’s a useless emotion and I’m not allowing it to have power over me.

Anxiety about the future can be challenging. Not being able to take care of basic needs, such as food, shelter, clothing, and other costs of living in our overly-inflated capitalist United States can cause worry for so many people. Ask most people what their biggest stressor is, and it’s usually related to finances.

There are also concerns and worries about the future of our country. Marginalized groups, minorities, LGBTQ citizens as well as women all have very valid concerns about their own safety, in our supposed “Land of the Free”. America is anything but free.

How does a person push all of the fear and anxiety out of their minds when our country and each person individually are suffering at times? By focusing on the now. Right now.

Realizing and accepting that you cannot control some things is of the utmost importance. Do we have any say in whether we go to war with Russia tomorrow? No. Can we change the course of politics, other than on Voting Day? No.

Sure, we may be able to write about our government, post memes about politics, and encourage others to vote, but that’s about as far as it goes. This can create a feeling of powerlessness and despair. I understand those feelings.

Focusing on the things we CAN control daily is essential to improving our mental health. We are free to do whatever we choose each day. We can choose to educate ourselves, enroll in college, trade schools, or anything else that can further our financial well-being.

We can invest more time in hobbies, art, writing, or taking time for ourselves. We have choices in how we spend our free time and should do things that genuinely make us happy and feel fulfilled.

We can participate in relationships or choose to be single and only have ourselves to worry about. You can choose to have pets, plants, or anything else to bring you companionship and make you feel loved.

Living in the now is the perfect balance between being stuck in your past, and worrying about your future. If you find it challenging to do this even daily, take it hour by hour. Focus on exactly what you’re doing in the moment. Then move on to the next obligation you have. It’s achievable with practice.

Our mental health is important. The guilt from our past is pointless. The fear of the future isn’t helpful. The future is coming no matter what we do. Yet we can positively influence it by making healthy, intelligent choices in the present. Take care of yourselves. &:^)