It's NOT a Sign of Weakness

In my last story, I discussed the topic of mental health and Boston Red Sox player Jarren Duran. Duran exchanged words with a Cleveland Guardians fan during a recent game, which the fan responded with an insensitive remark, referring to the outfielder's suicide attempts in 2021 and 2022. I condemned that fan for his actions and should face some sort of punishment from MLB and/or the Guardians organization. Duran has previously been open about his struggles with depression. He has full support from his fellow Red Sox players and the organization. He's not the only player who has been open about their mental health. Dansby Swanson of the Chicago Cubs recently revealed on a podcast that he also had difficulties with alcohol on top of his mental health issues during the early stages of his career. Last year, I watched an ad from MLB about in times of difficulties, there's always people that will support you unconditionally. People tend to forget that athletes are regular individuals, too. I never put anyone famous on pedestals, because you never know what they're going through. May is Mental Health Awareness Month, which has been observed in the United States since 1949. Athletes, celebrities, and everyday people like me are sharing our stories in order to let others know that they're not alone. One of the misconceptions that I dislike the most about mental health is that seeking help for it or discussing your struggles with it means that you're a weak person. This will only make people reluctant or hesitant to seek help. That's the reason why there's so much stigma behind it. Just because someone is depressed, it doesn't mean that they're less of a person. Someone asking for help when they're feeling down should be commended, not chastised. If you know someone who is suffering from mental health problems, support them unconditionally, because they need all of it.

In the case of Jarren Duran and Dansby Swanson, I commend these two for being open and honest about their struggles. Even if I'm not a fan of the teams that they're on, admitting that things are not alright with you is a huge step. Life isn't always beautiful or perfect. Regardless of your income or fame, mental health doesn't discriminate. It's necessary to talk about our mental health, because it might help someone else get through this thing we call life. Expressing your true feelings is a way of reminding everyone that you're a human being who goes through tough times in life.

I grew up in an abusive and toxic household. Being the oldest of three children meant that my now estranged parents set unrealistic expectations of me. For example, going to a four-year university after high school. This made me feel depressed, because mentally, I wasn't ready to be on my own yet. I didn't have a plan of what I was going to do after my high school years were over. However, they didn't understand my pain. They thought that yelling and screaming at me would motivate me to become independent. It only led me to become increasingly isolated from everyone. I eventually moved out after almost four years of living under their roof and they refused to let me attend a Job Corps Center less than an hour away from home, so they kicked me out of Texas, which is where I grew up and where I had lots of friends, and ended up attending a Job Corps Center somewhere in Arkansas. I didn't have a say in this decision, so they did this just to get rid of me. This is an abusive tactic that many parents do because they think their children are troublemakers, which I was not. Sure, I butted head with them at times, but I wanted to go to the school of my choice and make my own decisions. Had they respected my decisions and supported me, they thought that sending me to Arkansas was for the best, in reality, I never wanted to be here in the first place. I wasn't officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety until February 2012. Around that time, I was on medications to treat those problems, but it only made things even worse. Several years later, I had an mental breakdown towards the end of one of my shifts at one of my previous jobs. I worked Monday through Saturday and hardly had a Saturday off. I worked at a call center at the time and at that job, I would work 11 to 12 hours a day. After the aforementioned shift, I went home and never returned to that job. I ended up being evicted from my apartment and was homeless and jobless for about six months. I didn't trust anyone and expressed on social media several times that I would be better off dead than dealing with more pain and disappointment. I would sleep outside many nights, but sometimes, I would stay at a motel or with friends temporarily on and off. I eventually got off my feet and accepted a job, plus moved in with a roommate. During the height of the pandemic in 2020, I got my own place and settled in a new town. The feelings of sadness and loneliness crept back in and on several occasions, I wanted to take my own life once again. I still had my job and was getting paid every two weeks but was out of the office for nearly a year and a half before returning in June 2021. Since then, I've been more vocal and transparent about my struggles with mental health on social media. For years, I didn't want people to know I had these problems, fearing that they would perceive me as "crazy". Also, I was reluctant to ask for help, but one day in the summer of 2018, I finally had the courage to see a therapist. I would always lie and tell the people I loved and cared about me that I was fine, when in reality, I was suffering. Pretending the be okay when you're not will only make your life even more difficult. Being honest about yourself is more authentic and genuine.

I know this sounds cliché, but I always believe that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Being depressed doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't mean your insane or unstable. Having a strong support system is important to help us get through the trials and tribulations in our lives. Your life is not over, because you have dreams, goals, and aspirations that you want to achieve. Living life to the fullest is a positive mindset everyone should have. It's okay to not be alright. It's okay to cry and go through pain. Never give up on yourself, because there's no such thing as a perfect life. You may not believe that people don't care about you. There's people who really do and are willing to support you no matter what. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If you're reading this, I hope that your life is filled with happiness and peace. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always here to listen. You can reach out to me on social media anytime. We all need each another in difficult times. I believe in you and I pray that you have people in your life who supports and lives you. Be strong and stay blessed.

If you or anyone is suffering or struggling with mental health problems and need emotional support, please call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by texting 988.