Dark Feelings

Numb to the pain you look to the bright side, engulfed with jealousy when darkness laughs and you can't hide. People try to help while they are part of the cause, but the mind takes over as you forget to pause. Mental Illness is not fun and games, triggers can't be controlled but may be contained. Turn it off so no one can hear, the yelling from loved ones, that's in your ears. Emotions cause problems so throw them away, Let logic and pleasure be your guiding way. Noises of joy and love at your expense don't make you sick but damage your pathway. You think you want what others have, but maybe it's something you believe you will never have.

Struggling to find pleasure or peace within yourself, hearing too many love scenes that makes you want to duck up. The laughs and cheers while you're feeling astray, one person may trigger it but you know who will make it stay. Be at peace with your pains, the trauma, and fear, and focus on what you learned because nobody but you will be here. All they say is to stop and keep moving, learn what you want, and don't hurt yourself cruising. Be in the moment and enjoy the ride, if you build what you think is romance, make sure they feel the same so you're not chained to the side.

Painful Suffering

Stuck on someone because you can't move on, you're supposed to stand up for yourself and not cling on. They don't like you, you're not worth it, you latch onto hope with their words of "maybe" and "don't know what the future holds" so you cope with it. They know too much, you gave them your body, felt violated for so long you believe it should be worth it. Can't take back what they did or how they made you feel, want to wave a wand and make all of them forget and act like it was never real.

You suffer through the pain because it's a sacrifice you had to make, to allow those people to be happy, for your own sake. Work on yourself and forget about the rest, people tell you on a constant so you can stop with the regret. On and off these moments go, like a recovering alcoholic who relapses back and forth. Goes to the meetings to try to make sense, of the things that messed up his life because of the bottle that was drunk.

Disorders

Hurt yourself more, feel hungry, neglect it, feel tired, be more tired. Controlling your pain so they can see you, if they're happy without you, then you cannot be you. Always want to join in because you were always left out. Becoming a loner is a sad thing when the love that was given has been forced out. They think the cycle continues as you go up and down, believing they may not help you so they push you to be gone.

Connected friendships are what has been said, while you haven't decided if that should be said. Twist and turn you question the decisions in life. Everything changed when 2020 picked a fight. Forever tortured by the people in your way, when you were the confident bad boy that always slayed. Had his ish together financially and mentally, Took a chance at fate and his guard fell completely. Scared and tired, depression is the way, no real way to combat what has to stay. Heal for yourself and be selfish like the rest, put yourself first because everyone else, has passed the test.