Hello there. I am going to be sharing a few stories here on mental health and today I will be starting with my own personal MH relation being: Depression. I know lots of us struggle with depression, and I know a lot of us don't know how to cope with it. Hell, even when we do know it can still be a struggle.
If you know me or have followed my journey here on Vocal or via social media, you know that I struggle with multiple mental health illnesses, and I’m doing okay right now. For most of you, it probably seems like I’ve been okay for most of my life. Now, if you REALLY know me, and most don’t, you’d know that I’ve thought about committing suicide more than once. As mental health awareness month comes to an end, I felt inspired to share a story with you that not many know.
It was cold and she was empty. She could feel nothing but despair. Alone in a dark room she lay in her rugged and broken bed. Her curtains pulled back and window wide open so she could stare out in to the blackness of the night sky. Jess the young girl, who nobody cared about, had nothing to lose and nothing to fight for. She was on her own and to her that was normal because she had never known anything different.
When I use to think of the word depression, I use to think of someone with a mental illness, someone who always wanted to kill themselves, and someone who was sad most of the time. But when I started suffering from depression, I knew that it was more to it.
Cold drops of rain are sliding down the car window. Pattering on the roof from the fairy like drops. My nose is dripping from the cold. My fingers feel as if I’m wearing gloves made of frost. Tears roll down my cheeks as if in the same pattern of the rain. No words to give just silent breath’s. No body will ask how I am or what is wrong.
May is mental health awareness month and I, your obnoxiously woke friend, haven’t said anything about it. I’ve felt very self conscious about it, not because I have an “it” to talk about, but because I suddenly feel very inadequate. Who did I think I was to try to articulate any of the complexities of living with a mental illness? Why did I want to start talking about this in public and set myself any expectation to live up to? All I am now is a diagnosis, and, depending on who you are, that’s maybe not a good thing.
My mum is the most amazing woman you will ever encounter in your life. The things she has gone through will make you want to cry, and the fact that she has remained an honest, kind and loving soul throughout will make you cry harder.