Are you spending Christmas alone? Hey, me too! We've all got our stories for why we might be having a blue Christmas alone, and chances are there are a lot of common themes amongst our stories. Here's mine, in the hopes of perhaps showing other people out there that they're not truly alone.
There is a thick line between the people that pretend in order to get attention and the people that really experience it. Is it something you did? Something you're going through? Or is it really something that your brain just does to you because it's an asshole?
Talking to your significant other about your suicidal thoughts is one of the hardest thing you can do. You fear what it will do to them and to your relationship. But it also can help quiet those voices.
I have no friends, nobody likes me, I’m not good enough, I feel alone in this world, what would people think if I was gone, maybe this world will be better without me, I have no purpose here. Sadness, remorse, guilt, shame, anger, hate, empty, alone—these are all the feelings that come to our heads and swallow us whole into what we feel like is the abyss of our current lives struggling with depression.
In the shower I was lathering up with a smile on my face. The bubbles rose from the surface of the sponge and floated gently to the bathtub floor as I attempted to pop them. I was content from the warm steam surround me and what I felt to be the best decision of my life. I decided to finally kill myself that weekend. After years of self hatred and declining faith in my abilities to handle being a functional adult, I decided the best course of action was a bottle of hard liquor and whatever pills I could find in my parents' bedroom. It had been a long time coming but I suspected it would reach this point sooner or later. How did it start? Well, that is hard to say.