How Much Self-Help do We Really Need?

The world is full of self-help. From books, websites, articles, and everything in between, there is no shortage of information on how to help yourself do everything from being better organized to living a better life.

And that’s a good thing.

But how much self-help is too much? Could self-help be dangerous to some people in certain situations? Does society put too much emphasis on “self-help”?

The answer to those questions in my opinion is absolutely. The problem of course is not the desire to better yourself. But we need to take an honest look at the self-help world and see if it’s truly the path we need to be on.

One of the main issues for me with self-help is that most self-help driven materials are focused on people who are extremely desperate for help. People who are usually dealing with significant loss or some other major life event and don’t know what to do or where to turn for help. People looking for help with dealing with the loss of a loved one, the sudden loss of a job (especially through no fault of their own. Like the global pandemic we currently find ourselves in.), and other major stressors in their life are probably not in the best mental state to be able to help themselves.

I speak from experience.

I have been dealing with depression for at least the past 6 years of my life. I have on many occasions googled and researched many articles and books on dealing with depression. To be sure some have been helpful. But most of the time I find myself too overwhelmed with the endless checklist and bullet-point advice. I also find it nearly impossible to execute that advice in practical terms.

By the time I have finished reading it all, I feel worse than when I started. Either I have information overload and no idea how to implement what I’ve been told. Or I have been given very little information on what to do and end up lost and worse off because of it.

Sometimes. Actually, most times we need help from others to address these important events in our lives. Information is great but it’s of no real value if we don’t know what to do with it. Plans are great and needed however if we don’t have guidance on the practical application of those plans we are doomed to fail. Not all failure in life is bad. But, failure under these difficult circumstances can come at a high cost.

It’s a hard thing to ask for help. I know in my life I find it extremely difficult to seek help. Especially in the deeply personal and more challenging areas of my life. I don’t want to burden people with my problems.

Here are a few of the reasons I give myself for not seeking help. See if you recognize any of these in your own life:

• I don’t want to burden people with my problems. I know they have plenty of their own.

• They won’t understand what I’m dealing with.

• They will think I’m weak.

• They won’t be able to help anyway.

• They don’t care

• I’m scared

Does any of that sound familiar to you? In my life, it is a daily fight. Honestly, it's a fight that for the most part I have been losing. I have allowed those excuses to stop me more times than I care to admit from seeking out help with the issues I’ve been dealing with.

And, it’s because of those excuses I have turned to the bottomless pit of self-help way too often. Something that in my view has done more harm than good.

So, what’s the point of this article?

That’s a good question.

I guess the main take away I want you to leave with is the understanding that your desire to better yourself or deal with that seemingly impossible life circumstance is not only good but extremely necessary. Don’t allow yourself to be swallowed up by these excuses or the endless number you may be able to come up with all on your own.

And don’t fall into the self-help trap. If more people would evaluate their experiences with the “help” they received they would find that they haven’t accomplished much in the way of improving their position or solving their problem. In fact, they have potentially made their situation worse.

Take a breath, reach out, and try something new. Contrary to what I tell myself people do care. They do want to help. And you telling them your problems and seeking their counsel is not adding to their problems or burdens.

If your situation calls for professional help. Take the time to do some research. Like many professions, there are numerous professional counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists out there. It may take a while to find the right fit. Having the right person not only to listen to you and give you advice but, to help you practically apply that advice to your life will be huge.

Being armed with information, solid wise counsel, and an actionable process with clear goals to meet and a clear process to get there will do wonders for your overall mental health.

You are stronger than you think. I am stronger than I think.

One thing I’m slowly realizing is that it wasn’t through a fast process I found myself dealing with depression. And regardless of what self-help may say, it won’t be a fast process to get out of it.

We can do this…

(If you don’t feel comfortable speaking with someone in your local community there are several online options available. I have not personally used any of these services so I make no recommendation of one over the other. I also cannot speak to what experience you may have. But, I wanted to leave you a list of a few places you can check out if you or someone you know needs help.)

TalkSpace: talkspace.com

BetterHelp: betterhelp.com

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1–800–273–8255