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Using Marijuana to Treat Depression and Anxiety: My Experience
If you had told me when I was fourteen years old that I would turn into a stoner in ten years, I'd have laughed in your face. I was taught DARE programs in elementary school that brainwashed my mind into thinking drugs would kill you, including marijuana. Entering high school, I knew it couldn't really harm you much, but that.. sort of weird internal stigma was still there preventing me from trying it at first.
Dear Current Abuse Victim
Dear current abuse victim, I am sending you love. I am so very sorry for your situation, whatever that may be. It doesn't matter how you ended up here, or why. You're where you are right now. It's not fair. I know that you've tried and tried and tried. I've been there too. I've been abused in every way. I know how awful you feel. There's shame, guilt, fury, resentment, excitement, hatred, love. It is harder to experience than anyone gives you credit for. Nobody understands.
Do a Dopamine Detox to Achieve Your Goals
Dopamine: The happy feeling your brain gets when it gets something it wants. We all have our vices that provide us dopamine, whether it be junk food, video games, smoking, drugs, talking too much, etc. None of these are inherently bad alone, but too much of a good thing is a bad thing, if it isn't productive or serving you. What is your quick release? What is that small thing you do that doesn't really add any value to your time and only exists for short term reward? The thing is, when we use short term rewards like eating a dozen cookies or gaming for eight hours too often, our mind loses sight of the bigger picture, our long term goals.
Being attractive has made me self conscious
I was not the prettiest child. My nose was always bigger than my face, and I had a thick, dark unibrow until I was twelve. I got called a bird more times than I would care to admit. My parents split up when I was four, got back together when I was eight, and split up again when I was eleven. My mom left us for good that time, and I have only talked to her a couple of times since to say hi to my younger half brothers.
A Rant About Mask-ne
Gosh darn dimma-dammit. Why is this happening. I have had acne since I was maybe eleven or twelve years old. Pimples, blackheads, cystic pimples, dry patches and an oily T line to be exact. It was so greaaaaat. Acne haunted me through my teenage years, always there on dates, peer events, and in photos. I definitely think that I suffered emotionally from it, and was also bullied as a result of my acne. I remember crying in the bathroom at middle school because some of the popular kids had nicknamed me the Pizza Face Case.
Happiness after Depression?
Is it even possible to be happy in the same way you once were after battling depression? I'm still trying to find the answer after dealing with it myself. I have had depression since I was a child due to my life circumstances. I have been in therapy for years, and have gone through trial and error with medication until I found the one that seems to help. Occasionally, I laugh, I smile, and I seem happy. What I actually feel though is not much different from when I was going through a depressive phase. I do not get a spark of joy or a sense of satisfaction out of anything. That could be my perfectionistic standards, but I believe that since I have been clinically depressed for such a long time, my brain is in a permanent state of neutral. I know I should be happy and excited, but it's as if I can't feel pleasure unless it is physical. Which begs the question, can you even BE happy in the same way after dealing with depression? Science says yes, but how long afterwards is inconclusive and depends on the person.
The Path to Escape
Adrenaline coursed through my body and panic churned in my stomach. I tried so hard to kick, but nothing was working. I tried to scream but it was drowned out by the fabric shoved into my mouth. I could feel the movement of the car as it turned. I heard the bass and drums of a familiar rock and roll song. Sweat poured over me in the hot trunk and I felt the wheels drift off-road onto a dirt path. We were headed for the woods. If I didn't escape this guy, I knew I would die a torturous death. I continued to kick blindly upwards and to the sides, trying to squint through the dim light that was streaming through the cracks of the trunk. I felt the latch beginning to loosen a bit. I turned my body and tried to leverage myself as best as I could. I kicked the trunk roof as hard as possible, and it flew up. The man slammed on his breaks. Now or never.
A List of Affirmations You Should Tell Yourself Daily
If you are trying to get in a more positive frame of mind, or just need some reminders on how to encourage yourself, here is a list of affirmations that you should think to yourself daily to encourage cultivating a healthy process of thinking towards yourself.