Dear Current Abuse Victim

Dear current abuse victim,

I am sending you love. I am so very sorry for your situation, whatever that may be. It doesn't matter how you ended up here, or why. You're where you are right now. It's not fair. I know that you've tried and tried and tried. I've been there too. I've been abused in every way. I know how awful you feel. There's shame, guilt, fury, resentment, excitement, hatred, love. It is harder to experience than anyone gives you credit for. Nobody understands.

People can say you aren't alone. Not as a collective society, no, you're not alone, but at the end of the day, yes. You have to live with being scared of what comes next, and you are all alone. You think you might want to leave, or maybe should. You push those feelings deep down, and bear through it. Things get better, then they get worse. Apparently it takes an average of seven actual attempts to leave your abuser before you are finally free.

Your confidence is gone. Wiped out. The self esteem you once had is replaced by a shell of numbed emotions. I want you to know something from the bottom of my heart. You are beautiful. You have a unique and beautiful appearance that matches your personality. Try not to let those ugly words hurt. Shake your arms out right now, stretch your legs, and circle your neck a couple times.

Things will be better for you one day. Bottling your emotions and denying your true feelings is only costing you time. Time you could use to find better love, time to progress in your life. In ten years, do you see yourself happy and fulfilled with this person? Do you truly think they will be able to change their thought pattern so easily with such little effort? You are not stupid for believing what that person tells you. You are trusting, and it is a sign that you are a good, empathetic person that knows reason, and knows they deserve better but deny it. You deserve a partner with more empathy.

Sometimes, it's easy to get wrapped up in the idea that we are to blame. I always blamed myself, for sure. The thing is, if someone doesn't want to change, they won't. You can say something over and over and over, but if the action doesn't change, then they are not willing to change, maybe even subconsciously. Some people are truly comfortable being miserable because it is all they have known. In my case, he had a ton of unresolved childhood trauma that he unloaded onto me, and every promise he made of therapy, being nicer, trying harder, was just stalling until he felt comfortable actually doing it. News flash, he never felt comfortable changing, because change is hard, and getting what you want by being an asshole is easy.

Fuck. I'm sorry you are dealing with someone treating you this way. You are not stupid, you are not worthless and ugly, and you are loveable. I love you! I appreciate your place in this world, and I want the absolute best for you. The mental torture will end when you face your denial. You will feel relief when you are truly ready to leave. The first step is accepting that you are not broken, you just have a broken chip on your shoulder. Build your confidence. Tell yourself every day that you love yourself and mean it. Start treating yourself as a seperate person from your thoughts.

Everything will be ok one day. Deep breaths, day by day. I'm rooting for you love. Keep pushing you are just about over the hill. <3 <3 <3 <3