Fighting Depression with Gratitude

I'm so happy to be living a privileged life with so many opportunities.

And no.

I'm not rich.

I do not have a net worth of up to a million pounds. But...

I'm alive,

I have a job,

I live in a house, and

I have food and clean water.

When I was first introduced to the concept of a gratitude list, I didn't quite fully understand it. Sure I understood what you wrote in it. You write about how you're grateful for everything, your family, friends, and things that had happened to you or gone your way recently.

But it was not until I saw someone write down, "I'm grateful that I live in a house", that something was triggered in my brain.

You see, there's a surface level of gratitude, then there's that deeper understanding of gratitude. The one that makes you want to make something with the opportunities you have. It's that level of gratitude that was unlocked in my brain.

I have been immersing myself in Netflix documentaries lately. Being in lockdown has actually given me more time to figure out why I pay for Netflix.

But seriously, watching these documentaries allowed me to have a broader perspective of life and my position on this massive planet. Even though they were miniscule, I had 1 hour long looks into other people's lives and struggles. And I have come to appreciate my life more and more.

Living in a first world country, all I have ever had to worry about was things like how to pay for my Netflix subscription. But I have seen real people who worry about how to get clean water, feed themselves and their children, girls who can't even walk home at night without the fear of being attacked, people who don't even have a home.

You see I suffer from depression. This might be one of the few times I admit it because I never want to claim it as part of my personality. But yes I do suffer from depression. And it is a condition where I slip into a really sad mood for a long time without actually knowing why I am sad. Quite a lot of the times it is triggered by things not going my way or facing an obstruction to something that I've been looking forward to.

It may sound silly but it is very REAL. When people try to understand what depression is, it's like making sense of someone driving with a square tire. It's real but it makes no sense to someone looking at you from the outside. Some people try help but rather than pushing the car with the square tire, they offer to replace them with round tires. That's not the kind of help I need.

I just need some help making it to the finishing line with my square tires

My mom asked me a question once. She said "How can someone so blessed still be overthinking" Although she said it to me, it was not a question directed at me. It was more like something puzzling her. Something she was trying to figure out. In a way that became infectious, it began to puzzle me too. She may have said it as a passing comment. Little did she know, she had planted a seed in my mind.

I began to ask myself. What does she mean, I'm so blessed? That question answered itself right away. Being from a third world country, I reflected back to my country, where the political corruption and people in power have ruined a country that was once very wealthy. Young people are constantly expressing lack of hope for the future, the poor are living on a day to day basis, the police who are meant to protect the people are terrorising them instead. I thought about other countries in Africa, South America, Asia, who are in the same position even, sometimes worse.

Then I realised "I am blessed". I get to think about my future, I can eat when I want, drink water in whatever flavour I want, live in a house with access to heat and electricity 24/7 and so much more opportunities. The thing is when people have no access to the basic necessities of life like food, shelter and water, that's all they can think of. They don't have any cognitive resources to devote to planning for the future. They don't have time to worry about what Netflix show to watch....

Reflecting on this I started asking myself as a direct question, "How can someone so blessed still be overthinking". The thing is, when depression hits all those "blessings" seem to fade away. They get totally totally forgotten.

So I started writing a gratitude list to have a physical backup so that when my brain forgets, I have something there to remind me. I have something that can trigger appreciation for the life I have, to overcome the depression for the life I want. To make me realise that someone, somewhere is still struggling to hang on to life after spending days without food or clean water. The gratitude list brings me back to reality, my "snap out of it!!".

It's like the happy version of myself screaming at me. Amby this is what you have, what can you do with it!!

I haven't completely got rid of depression. I just don't spend too long in that state anymore. The less time I spend inside myself, the more time I have focus on helping others and contributing to the wider society. It's not just my gratitude list, my music, my art and being a teacher has helped me spend less time in myself and giving. The more happiness you create, the more happiness you experience.