I find solace in a dark room. The soft raindrops against my window actually feel comforting, but once again I find myself stuck inside my own mind. I’m racing through hallowed corridors, trying desperately to find a way out. It’s actually darker in there than it is outside right now. I can see through the iris, but can only decipher the numbers on my alarm clock. There’s a sharp pain in the right side of my head and I wince.
Depression is a rough topic. It's somehow managed to become both a disorder and a national discussion. The situation is further complicated by the fact that there's so much confusion over the disorder. People often talk about it while essentially discussing two very different things. And in doing so, they often lose sight of the fact that there are some very effective treatments out there. And one, in particular, is starting to get a lot more attention. But before we start to discuss how helping others can in turn help with your own depression, we'll need to cover a few other points.
Depression is an emotion which makes human beings weak, as well as strong. After depression you will never find yourself the same as you were before depression. Depression attacks those people who reckon that life is straightforward. However, living is tough, and most people have failed to comprehend this profound concept. They become weak and vulnerable, which leads them to lose the ability to manage any condition. Hence, depression makes them its victim. Only you can help yourself to fight depression, I am saying this from my personal experience.
I don’t really know how to begin. I’ve had depression my whole life, but the day I felt it, really felt it, for the first time I was 13 years old. You know the feeling I’m talking about? Like everyday you’re in a haze, like you could be dreaming a sad dream. That feeling that even when you’re surrounded by people you’re alone?
Depression is like a thief in the night. As if someone broke into my home and robbed me of my happiness. Sometimes it even feels as if I'll never be able to feel joy again. I used to think it was because I wasn't popular or because I didn't have many friends, but as I grew older I realized it was much bigger than that. It was as if a thief had stolen my purse and took off running. I'd try so hard to run after the thief as fast as I could to take back what was mine. My purse. My happiness. No matter how fast I ran I couldn't catch him.
I feel as though I am drowning, not in the sea but in myself. And yet it is not even truly me, it is the black sea of depression and I know others are near. I just can’t see them… and it hurts to know that others are near but to still feel completely isolated because I cannot reach them. I wake up and the pain immediately washes over me once again; it hurts so bad and I cannot find the right words to calm my mother’s nerves as I descend deeper into myself. I walk to class, tripping upon my own feet, almost falling with every anxious step. I wish I was falling, in reality not metaphorically, off of a cliff or into the traffic that never seems to stop. I do not want to want to die but I do not believe I have the will or the want of existence anymore. Depression, however, is not a valid excuse to miss my obligations, the reason will not hold up in an academic court or any for that matter unless, of course, insanity is pled. So I stay silent as I drown because I don’t think that there is hope for me any longer… I will feel like this forever.
Sunflowers make me happy. The brightness of them remind me that there is light in a world so dark. Though your darkness may be a lot different to mine. My mental instability keeps me in the dark. I know that I’m not but I feel pathetic, like I’m worthless and not good. I hurt those around me, especially the ones I love most. Obviously not physically but words hurt, too.
According to the World Health Organization, over 300 million people worldwide suffer from depression at some point in their lives. For those of us that have experienced, are currently experiencing, or will experience depression, it’s nice to feel validated by someone other than a therapist. So, here are six things that people don’t think about that feels good to hear.