Being happy when you have depression is definitely not the easiest thing in the world. For instance yesterday I was happy all day. My husband and I rearranged our room together yesterday. That doesn’t sound fun at all and honestly rearranging a bedroom is not fun at all. Normally rearranging a room is stressful, but I was happy and having fun and we kept picking on each other and laughing. Today I feel like being happy takes work and that if one little thing goes wrong then my entire day is just ruined.
Today I woke up to what I call a 'low energy day'. I decided years ago that I would use this term anytime I am feeling low and I am in fear that my depression is resurfacing. After unnecessary panicking, sometimes it turns out that it is just a day or two of feeling disconnected and unmotivated. Rarely is it the start of a major depressive episode. In cognitive behavioral therapy, we learn that our word choices are critically important and can impact how we feel. A ‘depressed’ day feels hopeless but a ‘low energy’ day is something I feel like I can manage through with the hopes of a brighter tomorrow.
I have no idea what depression is and how it looks like. I thought you could either be sad and happy but have no amount of sadness that can destroy a human life. I came to know this only when I went to the Western world and having two past relationships in which they both have depression. I’ve seen all sentiments on Facebook and how important to address a problem that’s eating away the minds of affected people. This type of mental illness is dangerous and unpredictable. How can we solve a problem that is spread out and no objective kind of healing that can swiftly eradicate its symptoms? I have been interested in this subject because I have encountered it and experienced it with people that were once involved in my life. I guess it is just right to understand what it is and how we can prevent this from happening or how to alleviate the problem if it’s happening to your loved ones.
It’s a beautiful June morning in the spring of 2020. A year none of us living will ever forget. A year that will be written about in history books for future generations. Whether we are 90 years old or merely a child, this year will be personally life changing. There is A LOT going on. The Novotel Corona virus combined with the global protests to fight for equality have created a new world that we all now live in. What we know and how we live our lives has been turned upside down and inside out. Nothing is the same. In terms of employment, which is so critical to living a comfortable life, some of us are fortunate enough to be able to work from home. Some of us have found ourselves unemployed and some of us are essential workers who are both physically and mentally exhausted. We now are afraid about our futures and in some cases, people are afraid about where their next meal will come from, how they will feed their children and how they will ever recover from this dark place. But wait…
Some people claim that vitamins and minerals can cure serious mental illness. That's not what I'm talking about here. While in general, there's not a ton of research funding for supplements and herbal products, there are a number of supplements that do have some research evidence to support their effectiveness in depression.
My will isn't strong. It isn't powerful. It's just always there. My will is a thread. Barely keeping me alive. But that's all that's needed. There's no celebration when you beat depression. There's no medal. No reward. You just go back to living. All you get from fighting depression is pain and scars. There isn't a silver lining. You don't come out stronger. You come out different. Broken, damaged, weakened. You might heal. You might not. No one cares except, sometimes, those close to you. There's no fame or glory for winning. You just get to live. But that doesn't change the fact that willpower isn't a cable. It's a thread. Unbreakable. Invincible thread.
I have a real issue with depression being termed a mental illness… wait, let me finish… because sometimes depression isn’t depression. Sometimes it’s a normal and natural state of being and by calling this depression we are labelling a whole group of people as mentally ill when in fact they’re perfectly well.
I had just been discharged from the hospital following a bladder biopsy and got home feeling ‘really tired and sad’. This was expected, I had been in the hospital the whole day (8am -8pm). A usually straightforward biopsy had ended with a catheter and having to give countless urine samples after the catheter was removed. It was a nightmare! The next morning, I woke up and I was still feeling ‘really tired’, it had never taken this long for me to get back to ‘normal’ after a biopsy. I struggled to leave the bed, to shower and get breakfast from downstairs. At this point, I still had pain, but it wasn’t a top priority for me. I made it through day 1, spending most of it in bed (didn’t watch any movies etc) I just laid there. I went to sleep with the hopes that day 2 would be a better day.