The Gulf

Hi.. Started a new job few days ago... that got me really depressed now. It is just really sad. Yesterday, I was so depressed that I couldn't even talk and I couldn't stand it myself and had to call a friend up to talk a bit. Then I guess after I talked to her a bit, I think I was able to let it go a bit and not feel so bad now. I asked her if she can tell the severity of my depression and she said she could and can even give it a range from 1 to 10. I am quite surprised that she can tell that. It's the first time I've asked her that, so I am surprised of her answers.

Yeah, I was feeling really sad I think the other day when my tears just wouldn't stop. I think I was feeling really sad with everything and what I've been through. I'm surprised about it after that because I've never had tears non-stop like that ever, even when a close relative had died. The tears were non-stop and I couldn't even answer the phones properly without crying. Then I just made myself stop so that I can take the calls and then since then, I'm not feeling the emotions anymore as I think the bad depression took over. So, it is quite surprising that I was feeling all those emotions which shows that I've got out of my years of depression without knowing it myself. I still don't quite get what I was in tears about as it was a brief moment when I was feeling all those emotions.

When you are depressed, you don't feel any emotions, just sadness all the time. You don't feel any tears or anything, just constant sadness. That's how I'm feeling now, which is depression. It's not something that I can get out of on my own. It takes time for these emotions to slowly go away... I asked my friend how long does she think it will take for me to get out of it and she said maybe a month. Well... Yeah.. these depressed feelings don't just disappear like right away.

She talked about some things that happened before that I did a while ago.. which really reminds me of those too and how sad I made my dad feel.. Well, now things are better with my dad.. But, I still disagree with him on many things like trading stocks. He told me not to trade stocks because he has lost a lot in them and had wanted to commit suicide over it. I told him that I disagree with him and he didn't continue to bother me with that, so that's good. I used to have bad relations with him before, but now it's much better now. I think I used to mistake him as this other guy who was rather imposing on me which made me get upset with him too.

Anyways, let's go back to talk about this new job I've got that I've just started a few days ago. The people and managers were all super nice and friendly and I felt that I could talk to them all freely with no reservations. So, when they said that I could just start early to get my 40 hours, I was wanting to do that, but when I asked my immediate supervisor about it, she didn't give me a yes but just told me to start an hour later instead because I will be on a callback project. So, I was really hurt by that because I was going with the flow with everyone there and then she told me not to. It was really hurtful to me and caused my depression. I told the other supervisors that I'm not going to start working till later before that day came. And when that day came, they then told me that there was a change of plans and that I would not be in the callback project because I was not trained. I had to find out myself the reasons why, as they didn't even tell me and just removed me from it.

Anyways... I think this post is long enough for now... I will write more another time. Thanks for reading and keep checking back. You can also check out some of my other stuff online such as my photography, great things to shop for, and free things to join to earn and join free via my links. Thanks.