Squirm Factor

Written by a human, for humans, always.

This is a Vocal-exclusive article. Not what I normally write about in my Daily Articles.

(Tomorrow will be my 1,400th in a row!)

I have a link to my typical articles at the end, but I hope that you enjoy this true story for the "Not on the Menu" challenge.

I was at a church event...

The exact place that you would imagine to see this kind of event...

Squirm Factor.

Joking aside, it was the church's knockoff version of the old TV Show...

Fear Factor.

Here's the thing...

There are not many things I am afraid of...

Few things actually make me squirm.

At that point in my life, I had actually really enjoyed the TV Show (despite learning it had been staged)...

And had even talked to different family members about trying out for the show one day...

Years in the future, as I was barely a teen at the time (the show did not make it to my adult years, so I never had a chance).

But at this church event...

I figured that I had at least a decent chance of doing well.

Most things that make people squirm...

Make me yawn...

So I raised my hand to participate.

The first challenge...

Was mostly a joke.

Chew bubblegum as fast as you can, and the first couple of people who could were in the game!

Not really something that makes anyone afraid or squirm...

Well, maybe a few people out there...

But not me.

The challenge...

Was easy enough to earn a spot in the game.

This brought us to our second challenge...

You picked two cards...

One had a number...

The other had a letter.

Now, I do not remember which went with which...

But one of those corresponded to a body part...

And the other...

To a creature that would make many people squirm.

They had snakes, cockroaches, centipedes...

And what was the little critter that I ended up with?

A tarantula...

The creature that haunts most people's dreams...

With massive versions hanging up in people's yards during Halloween...

And something that I have literally no fear of.

I had to hold the tarantula on my hand...

Which I was able to juggle the "giant" arachnid from hand to hand as it crawled hither and thither.

It allowed me to move on to the final round...

Which, in hindsight, was not that long of a game show...

But perhaps that was because the focus was meant to be on Christ and fellowship instead of this game show.

But...

This brings us to the final event...

The one for the prize...

Which I honestly do not remember what the prize was, because I was not really in it for the prize.

What was this final task?

The one meant to make us squirm the most?

The one that was designed by Christians for a church event?

Perhaps designed to make us pray to God and ask Jesus for strength to win?

The final challenge...

Was to consume a salad...

But...

Not just any salad that you can get at your local cafe...

No...

This salad had two ingredients...

Lettuce...

And...

Crickets.

That is right...

Crickets.

Now here's the thing...

You know how I said there are few things that actually make me squirm?

Well...

Crickets...

Are not one of those things.

But lettuce?

That is a completely different story.

You can ask anyone amongst my family and friends...

And they will tell you that I am one of the pickiest eaters of all time.

Everyone says that "lettuce has no flavor"...

Lies.

Lettuce is disgusting and meant to feed rabbits, not humans.

So...

I did the only thing I could think of to hopefully have a chance to win this game...

I asked if I could simply consume a bowl of crickets instead of salad.

And...

I was denied.

I had to suffer the same food as every other person there...

I simply suffered from the part that others did not mind.

The crickets?

Not bad, actually.

Barely a taste, mostly a crunch.

But that salad...

That doomed me.

I did not win Squirm Factor that day.

I was undone by the enemy that I least expected...

Lettuce.

Either the Devil was laughing at my horrible weakness...

Or God was laughing at how my pride had been brought low by my ultimate enemy.

But Squirm Factor did accomplish making me squirm...

Perhaps the worst meal I ever had...

Not because it was the most disgusting thing that I have ever eaten...

But rather because it was the most humiliating thing to lose...

Because of salad.

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