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No matter how hard life gets, don’t give up. I know life can be a pain in the ass and it is so easy to give up; but don’t. Someone is happy that you are alive, they are waiting for the day that you see them. They are waiting for the day you notice that they are there for you, and they like you. They don’t want to make that first move because they are scared that you don’t like them, and you don’t see them. If I am being honest, I have learned that the best friendships, and relationships start off with you not liking that person; or you just think you don’t like the person, because neither one of you are showing the real you that is deep down inside.
Tonight, as I prepared myself to head to bed, I knew that I couldn’t I knew that my mind, and body just wouldn’t allow me to. So, I started writing, I have been writing all night and it is now about 2:30 am. I haven’t slept yet because my mind keeps going and telling me to keep writing because I have so much to catch up after not writing for days. I didn’t write for days because I didn’t know what to write about and now that I do, I don’t want to stop. I am afraid that if I go to sleep then I will forget all that I want to write about and I will not be able to write about it again. So, I need to write about it now.
I know what it’s like to want to make your dad proud, but it seems like you can’t. I know what it feels like to want to do everything you can to make him proud. I know what it feels like to be the one that seems to always fuck up. I know what it feels like to be the disappointment. I know what it feels like to be the one that cannot do anything right. Seems as if he praises what ever one else is doing in their life expect what you are doing because you cannot do right. You made one mistake in your life, and it is like no matter what you do will ever be good enough. It seems as if you always fuck up, or you are doing too much, but nothing you ever do in your life will make him proud.
I know what it’s like to not have a mom, I know what it’s like to fail like you have failed your mom because you don’t know what she would want you to do. I know what it is like to feel like the one person that you wanted to be there for all your success isn’t there. I know what it feels like to feel like you’re letting her down each time one thing in life goes wrong. You feel like she is the only one that you ever wanted to truly make proud the one that you wanted to hear scream as you walked across the stage at graduation, the one that you wanted to hold your hand as you brought your baby into the world.
Find the One
I know life sucks sometimes; I know that you want to call it quits. Trust me I too have been there. I have been there more times than I can truly count. I never thought I would ever admit that. I know you might not want to admit that either, or maybe you do. I don’t know; but I hope what you are about to read will help you. I hope it helps you get better and feel better about yourself I hope it helps you know that you are not alone, and no matter how tough life gets on you, you don’t have to deal with it alone. I too at one time thought I was all alone and that I had to handle my problems on my own. I didn’t know I could text my friends and they’d be there to help, I thought they truly didn’t care about how I felt. I thought they were only using me to vent about their problems and I was there to listen every time; but one day, I was about to have a break down, and needed someone to talk to and I just didn’t know who to talk to, I needed advice, and I needed to find someone that wouldn’t judge me.
Does it always feel like you are fighting a battle in your head? Does it feel like you are failing? Does it feel like the devil is winning? Does it make you want to throw in the towel and calling it quits? Do you want to end it all sometimes because life is just too much?
Sometimes life is just a little more fucked up than we planned or wanted it to be. We often plan our lives out when we are kids. We know what we want to be, and we know what we want to do; we always believe that it will happen just as we planned for it to, but what we don’t know is that it rarely ever goes as we planned.
Today I was sitting here working and texting a friend, like any other night. Tonight, he asked me if it made it easier to accept my life when I wrote it out to tell my story; but honestly it doesn’t, honestly it has made me deny my life a little bit more.
Being with Someone in the Military
Sometimes you love someone so much that no matter what happens in life you just keep putting up with things you shouldn’t because you don’t want to give up on them. You put up with the distance between you. You cry at night because you are unsure of what will happen in your relationship, you don’t know if the next fight will end your relationship because the distance is just too much. You love the person you are with so much that you don’t look at anyone else and you surely don’t talk to anyone else, even if your partner just keeps doing it over and over again and then denying it, even after promising you they will tell you the truth, after promising you that they have stopped talking to them. After promising you that they deleted all the dating apps off of their phone. They no longer text you as much as they did before, and they don’t call you like they used to. You’re more like a friend to them now, than you are their partner, yet you still stay loyal to them because you love them with all your heart, and you would do anything in the entire world to keep them in your life. You would move across the world just to be with them, you would end friendships for them, move far away from your family, pack your stuff in the matter of days, and move just to be with them because you love and care about them. You would do anything for them, you would die for them, you would lie for them, and you sure as hell would kill for